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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DD2 to change her cat’s name

441 replies

busybarbara · 07/12/2019 17:15

I’m posting this on behalf of my DD who is too mortified. She’s expecting her own DC (my DGC) and had picked out a name that only a few of us knew. Let’s say it’s “Honey” (it’s not but just for example)

DD2 out of the blue has got a kitten and has named it Honey, of course.. Confused DD1 is mortified and has asked me to see if I can get DD2 to change the name of the kitten! AIBU to try to do this?

Yes I’ve seen all the “two names in the same family” threads and have no problem with it when it’s people but having the same name as an animal seems potentially offensive?

OP posts:
BarbedBloom · 08/12/2019 20:51

If this is true then I hope DD2 goes no contact with the lot of you.

MiddleClassProblem · 08/12/2019 20:52

So they were serious enough to try for a baby.

That baby he is now having with her sister.

And they want to take the name too...

PS it’s bugger all to do with time length and more about how they handled it. Plenty of people feel funny hearing that their serious ex is now getting married or having a baby. This is with her sister.

She wanted a baby with him. Surely you can see how this would be making her feel a bit shit?

MarinaMarinara · 08/12/2019 20:56

Shock you just don’t do that to your sibling. That really really is not OK. And not so much the ex/husband chap either but your DD1. What on earth was she thinking! If dd2 was TTC with him that is presumably a long term serious adult relationship! Just “aloof” is playing a shitty situation impressively cool tbh.

Back to your question, I think you should stay well out of it and defo not try to ask DD2 to change the kitten’s name...

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 08/12/2019 20:56

Called it...

Jupiters · 08/12/2019 20:57

Wow, what a dripfeed. This had got to be a wind-up right? If not, considering the entire family seem to have trampled all over DD2's feelings and emotions you should all think yourselves lucky she's still taking to any of you.

IndecentFeminist · 08/12/2019 20:59

Fuck me. Are some people this unaware?! By that I mean you OP.

Aussiegirl88 · 08/12/2019 21:01

I have to say though your DD2 has obviously shown amazing strength and maturity to have never been hostile. I’m really not sure how you don’t see an issue with that. A year is barely a gap considering the seriousness of their relationship (ttp) I think there’s some clear favouritism on your behalf to even accept this is ok. And to even consider asking your daughter to change the name of her cat. I wish your dd2 nothing but the best in life and all the happiness in the world as it’s so obvious she doesn’t have great support around her.

frumpety · 08/12/2019 21:03

So kitten DD dumped her ex because she thought he couldn't get her pregnant, he then gets with her sister a year later and gets her pregnant and kitten DD calls her kitten the same name as her sister wants to call her baby ?

I am sure everyone will be fine with it all in a couple of years.

Cremebrule · 08/12/2019 21:03

I feel very sorry for your dd2. How can you all be ok with this? She must have been through a lot of pain that you seem to just brush over. Just out of interest are the sisters close in age/look alike?

Dolorabelle · 08/12/2019 21:06

Well that clearly wasn’t the case but there was a gap of about a year between them breaking up and DD1 getting with him so I’ve never seen it as a problem although DD2 is a bit aloof about the whole thing but not hostile, we still do family Christmas together

It's clear who's your favourite child ... Feel rather sorry for your 2nd daughter I must confess. Aloof ? I'd be absent. That is, physically not there.

PremierNaps · 08/12/2019 21:07

100% cannot believe DD2 is still talking to any of you. DD1 sounds like she has zero concern for anyone else's feelings except herself. She got with the guy her sister was TTC with. How low do you have to be.

I'd be thankful the only thing DD2 has taken is a bloody baby name for her cat.

lyralalala · 08/12/2019 21:08

So DD2 has basically gone out to get a kitten so that she can name it the name she had in mind for the baby she was TTC because she knows neither her sister, her ex, nor her Mum will show her any consideration otherwise

Toomuchtrouble4me · 08/12/2019 21:09

It doesn’t matter AT ALL. Just that.

Mumtotwo82 · 08/12/2019 21:11

Do you live in a small village or something?Grin Well you did the right thing to stay out of it in the end, no point making a mountain out of a mole hill over something like a cats name..considering that history.

Waveysnail · 08/12/2019 21:12

Salt in the wound for poor dd2. Trying to have a baby with the man for him then to marry her sister and have a baby with her ouch

BarbourellaTheCoatzilla · 08/12/2019 21:14

So DD2 wanted kids, wasn’t able to have kids with her ex and they assumed it was him? Ex then shaggy DD1 and babbies her up. DD2 in the midst of this is trying to get on with and gets a kitten to cheer herself up and you’re wanting to get on her back about the name? Maybe tell your skanky first born that there are some things you don’t do to family and pick another bloody name.

IlsSortLaPlupartAuNuitMostly · 08/12/2019 21:16

I do think that if you ditch a man purely because you think he’s firing blanks I might understand your choice, but my sympathy if you later find out he wasn’t and get (again, understandably) upset would be somewhat limited.

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 08/12/2019 21:17

So kitten DD dumped her ex because she thought he couldn't get her pregnant

Not necessarily - infertility puts a huge strain on relationships.

Perhaps Kitten DD had had all the tests and was confirmed fertile. ex perhaps refused to have any tests - some men don't like any slur on their virility (as they see it0 and as kitten DD was fine, it was assumed that he was not - and their relationship floundered on the grief that is the inability to have a child. Maybe he "dumped" her because he couldn't cope with her grief. Why assume that she "dumped" him?

Maybe he and sister didn't even particularly want a child, but because he thought he was firing blanks they didn't take any precautions - how painful would that be for kitten DD? Sister didn't even try for a baby, maybe didn't want a baby - and here she is, pregnant - and crowing!

I know this is all speculation, but so is your comment - none of us know. Whatever the truth, I don't doubt that kitten DD is gutted!

Disfordarkchocolate · 08/12/2019 21:17

Honestly, if DD has deliberately named the kitten a name she knew her X liked I think she's played that pretty well. She deserves a pat on the back from a good friend.

spanglydangly · 08/12/2019 21:18

Let them sort it out themselves, it's small fry compared to the boyfriend thing!

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 08/12/2019 21:22

*So they were serious enough to try for a baby.

That baby he is now having with her sister.

And they want to take the name too...*

Yeah this.

It could have been ten years between them and it still wouldn't be okay. It's not okay to date your friends exes, really, let alone your sisters!

I hope your DD2 has somewhere to talk about this stuff and that the fact that her sister is now having a baby with the man she tried to conceive with, and naming it the same name they discussed, isn't playing havoc with her mental health. Poor kid.

nuxe1984 · 08/12/2019 21:29

I'm betting that at some point DD2 and ex talked about names they liked and this name was mentioned by him. Fast forward and he's now expecting DC with DD1 … and DD2 knows he's likely to choose that name so calls her cat it ...

Claireusborne · 08/12/2019 21:35

I don’t see the problem personally.

We have a cat called Alfie. We’ve had him for 8 years.

My sister had her ds earlier this year and called him Alfie.

We like to make a joke of it. Saying sisters was named after our cat!

Fortunately they think it’s funny.
🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Butterymuffin · 08/12/2019 21:37

It's this bit from the recent update I'm now intrigued by
we still do family Christmas together

What's that going to be like this year when DD2 shows photos of her new kitten!

DecemberSnow · 08/12/2019 21:37

If they havent got a good relationship anyway, surely they wont see each other that much.

Its just a cat with the same name, no big deal