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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DD2 to change her cat’s name

441 replies

busybarbara · 07/12/2019 17:15

I’m posting this on behalf of my DD who is too mortified. She’s expecting her own DC (my DGC) and had picked out a name that only a few of us knew. Let’s say it’s “Honey” (it’s not but just for example)

DD2 out of the blue has got a kitten and has named it Honey, of course.. Confused DD1 is mortified and has asked me to see if I can get DD2 to change the name of the kitten! AIBU to try to do this?

Yes I’ve seen all the “two names in the same family” threads and have no problem with it when it’s people but having the same name as an animal seems potentially offensive?

OP posts:
strongteawith2sugars · 08/12/2019 21:42

Blimey bloody hell thats one of a backstory. PregnantDD (lost track) should leave the name, she’s already stolen her bloody man!

HoppingPavlova · 08/12/2019 21:44

Are you seriously saying that if you split up with someone but then a year later you were attracted to the brother (for example) that you should avoid anything happening as a sign of respect for the ex?

Depends, if it’s some random acquaintance in the friendship group, while slightly uncomfortable for everyone you could probably crack on with it. With a sibling the correct answer would be, no never, this is absolutely not done. With a best friend the answer is also no unless you are completely prepared to (rightfully) have your best friend exit your life forever.

These are normal social conventions. How your family is not aware of them is odd. Worthy candidates for Springer and Kyle essentially. Do you have any other corkers up your sleeve?

WineOrGinOrBoth · 08/12/2019 21:45

Your poor dd. And I don’t mean dd1. I wouldn’t do what she did to a friend never mind a sister. Dd1 & her dh really are the lowest of the low. And you don’t see anything wrong with their behaviour! I hope your dd2 goes NC with the lot of you.

wildcherries · 08/12/2019 21:48

This gets worse with each update. I wouldn't have DD2's strength or inclination to do family Christmas, that's for sure. A year? The sister should have stayed clear. There are enough men in the world.

DecemberSnow · 08/12/2019 21:48

OP Says"" I’m not sharing the name though as it’s outing"""

I reckon of people knew you, you would be outed , this really is not everyday

:)

TreeTopTim · 08/12/2019 21:53

This is way beyond naming a child after a cat.

Your dd1 and her now husband are dicks. Who gets together with their sisters ex a year after they broke up. And who gets tog with their exes sister a year after him and his ex broke up. Not nice people that's who. How can you not see this.

WatchingFriendsOnRepeat · 08/12/2019 21:53

I am totally on DD2’s side! I hope she keeps the name for her cat and also gets a load of cats and dogs and names them all names that her and her ex discussed while trying to conceive before they broke up, while her sister patiently “waited” a whole year before not being able to stop herself anymore and POUNCED on her sister’s source of pain for herself!
Wow - clear who your favourite kid is!

AG29 · 08/12/2019 21:53

My DS has the same name as my mums cat if that helps. Cat came along way before I was pregnant but I liked the name.

Vanhi · 08/12/2019 21:53

I'm good friends with my DP's ex. I knew her and was friends with her before we got together. Rural area, sparse population, everyone is someone's ex. She was and is cool with it - actually helped set us up.

I'd draw the line at a sibling's ex given that the relationship was serious and the break up presumably painful given the circumstances.

Lizzie0869 · 08/12/2019 21:54

I can't believe you're so lacking in empathy that you can't see that this would be hurtful to DD2. And then all you and DD1 are concerned with is what DD2 is going to call a cat???

FizzyGreenWater · 08/12/2019 21:54

I'm sorry but the only reasonable thing to do is to put your dreadful DD1 into a cat basket and fire her at the sun.

PooWillyBumBum · 08/12/2019 21:56

DD2 is such a big person to not be hostile about all this. Let her steal all the names she wants, your DD1 is an insensitive eejit.

PooWillyBumBum · 08/12/2019 21:57

Just realised that one day future child Felix or whatever is going to find out that daddy used to shag auntie DD2. Grim.

MummytoCSJH · 08/12/2019 22:02

I feel so sorry for DD2. Seems like you favour DD1 too, I'm surprised she still has anything to do with you allSad

Gazelda · 08/12/2019 22:11

I'm not sure I can believe this.

I presume DD2 and Don Juan lived together at some point. Were planning a family. Were they engaged to be married?
Then they split and within 12 months he hooked up with DD1.
Then the new couple got married. Was DD2 part of the wedding party? Please say she wasn't pressured into being MOH and wearing a big frilly pink blancmange creation.
I'm hoping DD2 has sweet revenge in making sure 2020 is the happiest year ever and by having a gloriously successful future that meets all of her dreams.

Wakeupalready · 08/12/2019 22:17

A year is absolutely no time at all when you were trying to conceive in a relationship. When your sister then sharks your ex and proceeds to get pregnant , if I was DD2 I'd be doing more than naming my cat the same name as the child.
Your DD 1 is a bitch of the first order and DD 2 is well shot of that douche . There are unspoken rules about this sort of inter family dating, for DD 1 and her partner. And you are dense as a wall if you think this is fine.
If this is the only sin your DD2 has committed she is a saint.

Cryalot2 · 08/12/2019 22:20

You can't seriously expect your dd to change her cats name .
Given the circumstances it would be most wrong .

flyingspaghettimonster · 08/12/2019 22:23

Yanbu to ask, but it won't really matter. My daughter's boyfriend has a dog with the same name as her... its just funny. I already asked my daughter to get him to change his name as we already have a John in the family 🤣

LolaDabestest · 08/12/2019 22:24

In all fairness they split up as dd2 thought HE couldn't have e kids which is pretty shitty. But still how dd2 could be with someone that's been with her sister is grim and weird. Regarding the cat clearly it was done on purpuss

LolaDabestest · 08/12/2019 22:26

Dd1 even

IdiotInDisguise · 08/12/2019 22:47

Oh God, that is much worse, she can call the cat the name of the baby, and a dog the name of her sister... that is awful

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 08/12/2019 22:56

A year and this wonderful specimen of manhood moves on with the sister!!!! Bloody hell his dick would barely be dry before he is shoving it in his ex’s sister.

I know which sister dodged a bullet here and it ain’t the pregnant one. But then any sister who would do that probably deserves sooner or later for karma to bite them in the arse.

newnamewhosthis · 08/12/2019 23:10

So the guys relationship with DD1 was serious enough for them to be ttc and you think it's perfectly normal for him to go on and sleep with her sister get her pregnant and final twist to the knife steal her cats name ... I think this guy sounds predatory and obsessive.

Who's to say he's not with DD2 because DD1 dumped him Confused

BeanTownNancy · 08/12/2019 23:13

My brother and his wife adopted a boy cat with a normal human name. A few years later my husband and I got a couple of guinea pigs and named them after a couple of TV characters, so one of the names was the same as the cat. Then SIL (brother's wife, owner of aforementioned cat) got pregnant. Then her grandfather died. So she decided to name the baby after him. You guessed it, same name again - the baby has the same name as the cat and our guinea pig. It's not confusing, we cope.

So the name thing is fine imo.

But the rest of it... Imagine having to see the person you desperately wanted children with at every family event. Ouch.

NorthernLightsInWinter · 08/12/2019 23:17

I am stunned that you never saw a problem with your daughter getting involved with your other daughter's ex ... less than a year after he and your first daughter were trying for a child themselves.

Seriously fucked up.

And of course your daughter is hurt by the whole thing ... it's why she used the name on her cat, knowing what was likely coming if she didn't ... use of the name she and her now BIL picked out for their own someday child!

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