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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

£400 on eating out in one week - aibu?

449 replies

berki · 07/12/2019 15:06

Just had a massive bollocking off of my dad who now thinks I am beyond irresponsible. I am a grown woman!

This is by no means a normal occurrence. I feel weirdly embarrassed and anxious now which is making it all the worse.

I've just started my first grad job in London - making good money (for a singleton at least). In my defence, there have been A LOT of Xmas meals and drinks this week and I've spoilt myself (going through a breakup). Could have gone for cheaper options but I've literally thought "fuck it". Have also ordered deliveroo for breakfast to cure a hangover - not sure I've ever done that before.

AIBU to think yeah it's a lot but as a one-off and in the context of Xmas it's understandable and my dad should back off - he's offered looking after my account! Don't see the point of being bad to feel shit about it now.

It isn't ideal but I can "afford" it for one month. Does seem a massive waste tbh.

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 07/12/2019 16:03

You’re living rent free, in an overdraft so in the red basically and blowing 400 on food/drink. Your dad, regardless of if it’s his business or not, has a point.

midep · 07/12/2019 16:03

A relative is subsidising your lifestyle. This usually comes with the expectation that you will not squander that advantage.

You are far from being a fully independent adult OP.

ambereeree · 07/12/2019 16:04

It's Christmas and you're young with no responsibility so go for it. Most single young people working in a grad job will be doing the same.
But it's a little bit insensitive to post on a site where people have half for a family food budget.

roiseandjim · 07/12/2019 16:04

In fairness I've lived in London and £400 adds up very very quickly. It's not like you do it all the time. I'd keep my mouth shut in front of my dad about finances now though

BackforGood · 07/12/2019 16:04

My dad wants me to save every penny as he is extremely tight.

You don't have to be "tight" to be sensible with money Hmm

You aren't even paying rent, yet you are in overdraft ? Of course you have been incredibly irresponsible to spend £400 on luxuries in ONE WEEK Shock

You are right in that it isn't really any of your Dad's business, but, as a parent, you don't like to see your dc making mistakes, however old they are. You must have let him know you'd been so ridiculous with your spending and you must have let him know you were overdrawn - very early in the month. So, by sharing that with him, then you are obviously inviting comment.

PickAChew · 07/12/2019 16:05

If you're overdrawn, you can't afford it, though.

ConstanceL · 07/12/2019 16:06

If it really is just a one off then fair enough, but I hope you actually comprehend that is a crazy amount to spend. We are not particularly frugal, but that's how much we spend on groceries per month!

HeddaGarbled · 07/12/2019 16:07

Deliveroo for breakfast 😮

I was on the fence until I read that bit.

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 07/12/2019 16:07

None of his bloody business. Stop discussing your finances with him.

OhioOhioOhio · 07/12/2019 16:08

Yes it's your money. Yes it's your debt. Do what you want.

In 20 years you will think you have been such a fool to not give value to that money and opportunity.

If it's debt it means you are pretending you can afford it.

If I was your Dad id be so disappointing that you are so indulgent and short sighted.

Sorry. But you did ask.

Mrscog · 07/12/2019 16:08

Just be aware, even if you can afford it now you might regret it in the future. I have always been sensible with money but I still frittered away probably the best part of 3k when I was young. Now I look back and wish my mortgage was 3k lower rather than the burger after a night out every week for a decade, a new pair of shoes here and there, unused gym memberships etc etc.

Original poster
berki · 07/12/2019 16:08

I honestly think a one-off splurge that can easily be rectified next month isn't as bad some posters and my dad are making out. I have no kids and no major responsibilities.

I'm only young once.

OP posts:
Smileyaxolotl1 · 07/12/2019 16:09

OP - can you confirm if you saved anything out of your wages this month?
I think if you’ve saved say £500 this month in an account you can’t take anything back out of and then gone into overdraft that’s quite a different matter to spending all of your wages and more.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 07/12/2019 16:09

You’re basically living rent free and in overdraft and wasting money.
You’re dad’s not being tight, he’s being sensible.
You can still enjoy yourself.
You should be saving the equivalent of your free rent, presuming your in London at least £500 pcm to put towards a property of your own.

Pilipilihoho · 07/12/2019 16:10

You seem both incredibly juvenile and incredibly entitled, but crack on with your Deliveroo breakfasts and keep spunking your money away, as long as you feel good about it Hmm

InsertFunnyUsername · 07/12/2019 16:10

Well I mean, Yes YANBU I'm the sense you're an adult now and your Dad shouldn't be telling you off.

But cant say I don't agree with him, handed a flat to live in, earning a decent salary and pissing that amount of money up on the wall on food is Confused to me, I would never be in an overdraft in that situation its silly. (Still not anyones business though, including mineGrin)

FoamingAtTheUterus · 07/12/2019 16:11

Berki, your dad is an accountant and will have met lots of people who were ' only young once' and are still trapped by it.

Being young doesn't let you off adult responsibility sadly.........and spending £400 on something which is now swishing around the local sewage works is just stupid. You could have spent half that, still have had a.good time and not be in debt as a result.

BlouseAndSkirt · 07/12/2019 16:12

Right, well, it needs to be a one off.

You can't actually afford it.

It's FINE to conciously do something you can't afford once in a while, as long as you know what you are doing.

Adjust your thinking to : "I couldn't actually afford it but it was enjoyable and a one-off".

If you think you could afford it, when you are in overdraft and pay no rent, then you are deluding yourself in a way that won't help you manage your money well.

InsertFunnyUsername · 07/12/2019 16:13

Maybe it's because it's on food. Holidays, boozy nights out, clothes etc at a young age, whilst still silly it's one of them things a lot of people do. But food really does seem a waste to me, and I like good food and a takeaway but cant see how you racked up a bill that big in a week!

Original poster
berki · 07/12/2019 16:13

Money was automatically transferred into a savings account the day after I was paid.

OP posts:
Original poster
berki · 07/12/2019 16:15

Central London restaurant prices

OP posts:
CurlyWurlyTwirly · 07/12/2019 16:15

I’d take you dad up on his offer to help you out with managing your account. I bet he helped you with your university fees etc.
You’re being very entitled with your attitude towards money.
You have a great opportunity to invest in your future instead of wasting so much.
I bet you will also be knocking on the door of bank of mum and dad or moving home if this free flat disappeared.

musicposy · 07/12/2019 16:15

A relative is subsidising your lifestyle. This usually comes with the expectation that you will not squander that advantage.

This. If someone else related (especially if they are a relative of your dad's) is enabling your lifestyle, I'm sure that'll be to give you a leg up on the property ladder/ help you save for a time when you'll need that money. To squander £400 on meals out is just like a great big kick in the teeth to whoever is supporting you (and they are supporting you if you're living rent free). Your dad isn't tight, he's sensible.

JavaQ · 07/12/2019 16:16

He does not want you to put yourself into debt/develop bad spending habits/rely on the charity of others/be in penury in your older age. All of which I understand.
Sure you are going through a break-up BUT you are going into debt because of it? Not wise.

Put this behind you as a one-off and start saving too.

ThinkIamflyingundertheradar · 07/12/2019 16:17

As you say you are an adult so it really isn’t your dads business. It isn’t ours either but since you’ve asked I’m happy to agree with previous posters and your dad.

You are living rent free on a good salary but are overdrawn at the start of the month so you are clearly living way beyond your means. You actually can’t afford the extravagant life style you are currently living. I would be shocked if my adult children were so financially irresponsible.

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