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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

£400 on eating out in one week - aibu?

449 replies

berki · 07/12/2019 15:06

Just had a massive bollocking off of my dad who now thinks I am beyond irresponsible. I am a grown woman!

This is by no means a normal occurrence. I feel weirdly embarrassed and anxious now which is making it all the worse.

I've just started my first grad job in London - making good money (for a singleton at least). In my defence, there have been A LOT of Xmas meals and drinks this week and I've spoilt myself (going through a breakup). Could have gone for cheaper options but I've literally thought "fuck it". Have also ordered deliveroo for breakfast to cure a hangover - not sure I've ever done that before.

AIBU to think yeah it's a lot but as a one-off and in the context of Xmas it's understandable and my dad should back off - he's offered looking after my account! Don't see the point of being bad to feel shit about it now.

It isn't ideal but I can "afford" it for one month. Does seem a massive waste tbh.

OP posts:
ThisMustBeMyDream · 07/12/2019 15:15

If you are in your overdraft, then you can't afford it.

Also, if it its just for you, then unless it includes a huge amount of alcohol, I can't imagine how you spent that much. I'm a family of 5 and would spend £100 on a meal for us. If I go out alone, then £20-30 would be a normal amount.

As for your dad, it isn't his business really, but if you were my child, I'd be concerned too.

LimpidPools · 07/12/2019 15:15

It's none of his business. Unless you really are being completely feckless.

I mean £400 in one week is a hell of a lot, but you're young and presumably it's a one off. £1500/ month would be ridiculous in your situation.

That said, it's only the 7th and you're in you're overdraft?

We don't have enough information to judge properly. You might want to give your day to day outgoings some thought though, at least come the new year.

NigesFakeWalkingStick · 07/12/2019 15:15

If you've gone into your overdraft I'd say it wasn't the wisest of moves...however...

You're going through a break up. It's Christmas. If you can afford to pay off the overdraft, what's the drama? If you've got into thousands of pounds of debt, yeah, that's shite.

You're young, single, and it's not really any of your dads business tbh. Chalk it up to experience, cut back a bit, your dad is right in a way to question it (only because you mentioned it though) but so long as it's not a regular occurrence, life's too short.

FiveNightsAtMummys · 07/12/2019 15:15

I think it's fine if you can afford it as the others have said..but also if one of my dc had told me they spent that much on meals out I'd be concerned too just as a caring parent (not that there old enough yet)

Original poster
berki · 07/12/2019 15:15

The money has been spent, I don't feel great about it but why intentionally make me feel irresponsible? Wish he would just let me enjoy it and write it off as an anomaly. I've been responsible for the previous 2 months.

OP posts:
MrsWhites · 07/12/2019 15:16

I think it’s fine as a one off but definitely not ideal to be going into your overdraft when you are in the (very) privileged position to be paying bills only. You should definitely use this opportunity to build your savings.

But it’s Christmas and you are obviously going through a tricky time with a break up so it’s hardly the end of the world!

WhereverIMayRoam · 07/12/2019 15:17

Yanbu, you’re an adult, it’s your own money. Obviously it’s a huge sum of money to spend unnecessarily and I can see why he’s shocked but ultimately it’s not his call.

I think really you need to avoid money discussions with your dad from now on.

ParkheadParadise · 07/12/2019 15:18

At this time of year we do spend more than usual on nights out and food.
If your using your overdraft then you can't afford to spend that sort of money.

Goldenchildsmum · 07/12/2019 15:18

You're very lucky to be living rent free

If this is at your dads behest , then I suppose you do need to 'keep him sweet' to a degree

However it is your money. Not your dads

What I would do is put the same amount as you'd pay in rent , into a savings account

Then save some in top of that. Pay all the bills ....then the remaining money is yours to use as you please

Best not to get hooked on using your o/d as I don't suppose it'll always be 0%

But as a one off, at Christmas, it's hardly the worst crime

Wakingupnow · 07/12/2019 15:18

Your updates put a different slant on it. If you're in overdraft while living rent free perhaps your dad is wondering how you will managenqhen you do have to pay rent. So.although invited YANBU, I think with updates YAB a little U.

MinervaSaidThat · 07/12/2019 15:19

I don't live at home but have been very fortunate to live in a relatives flat (they've emigrated). Only pay bills. My dad wants me to save every penny as he is extremely tight.

Why is it always people who live off other people that describe as others as tight.

OP, if you lived in a house share like most grads you wouldn’t be blowing £400 on food a week.

You’re hardly adulting.

RanchoRelaxo · 07/12/2019 15:19

I chose YANBU but then I saw you are in your overdraft..
BUT it's nobody else's business but yours with what you do with your money! You are a grown woman, I'm sure you know what you can afford long term living in London, if it's just a christmassy one off then what's the big deal?

MissLadyM · 07/12/2019 15:21

Why did you tell him?

Original poster
berki · 07/12/2019 15:21

There is literally no consequence for me to be in my overdraft as it is interest-free

OP posts:
Original poster
berki · 07/12/2019 15:22

I accidentally let it slip that I'm in my overdraft - he did the maths very quickly (he's an accountant).

OP posts:
Sirzy · 07/12/2019 15:22

He is probably “making you feel irresponsible” so you sit up and realise that it’s probably not the wisest of moves!

To be living rent/mortgage free and still be spending enough to send you into your overdraft would suggest he has a point!

beautifulxdisasters · 07/12/2019 15:22

Do you have a plan for paying back your overdraft before it becomes non interest free?

WhoAmIToTellYou · 07/12/2019 15:23

If you have the money- spend it. If not - yabu

wildcherries · 07/12/2019 15:24

You're in your overdraft and are very privileged to live in a flat without paying rent. That's the only reason you can 'afford it'. You can't really. Yes, your father is a bit over-involved. But I see his POV, tbh.

Lulualla · 07/12/2019 15:26

If you've been sensible for the past 2 months, and dont have to pay any rent, then you should have had quite a but of buffer saved. I assume you've been leaning your entire wage then?
So this month, when you needed more, you've gone into your overdraft. And how long till you get paid? And how will your afford next month if you always spend your entire salary? Can you get out of your overdraft and stay out?

You really cannot afford to live the way you are.

Butchyrestingface · 07/12/2019 15:26

YABU for oversharing with your father (an accountant, no less!).

Maybe he thinks you’re taking the piss by living rent free and then going into an overdraft to blow money on eating out?

Original poster
berki · 07/12/2019 15:28

I have the money to pay for it (my definition of affordability) so think it's a bit dramatic to characterise me as an idiot with money.

OP posts:
Therealjudgejudy · 07/12/2019 15:29

Tbh, if you work full time and are living rent free, you should have plenty of savings. As you are in your overdraft you really cant afford to spend like this though.
Chalk it up to a one off, start saving and dont tell your dad about your finances if they are in a mess in the future..

Original poster
berki · 07/12/2019 15:30

My savings have gone into invest ISA which I can't access.

OP posts:
Livebythecoast · 07/12/2019 15:31

Maybe he's worried he won't get a nice Christmas present now!
I agree in a way with others. If you're in your overdraft then technically you can't afford it but it isn't the end of the world and it is Christmas so lots of socialising etc.
Just refrain from discussing your finances with your Dad in future.

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