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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

£400 on eating out in one week - aibu?

449 replies

berki · 07/12/2019 15:06

Just had a massive bollocking off of my dad who now thinks I am beyond irresponsible. I am a grown woman!

This is by no means a normal occurrence. I feel weirdly embarrassed and anxious now which is making it all the worse.

I've just started my first grad job in London - making good money (for a singleton at least). In my defence, there have been A LOT of Xmas meals and drinks this week and I've spoilt myself (going through a breakup). Could have gone for cheaper options but I've literally thought "fuck it". Have also ordered deliveroo for breakfast to cure a hangover - not sure I've ever done that before.

AIBU to think yeah it's a lot but as a one-off and in the context of Xmas it's understandable and my dad should back off - he's offered looking after my account! Don't see the point of being bad to feel shit about it now.

It isn't ideal but I can "afford" it for one month. Does seem a massive waste tbh.

OP posts:
Jodie77 · 07/12/2019 15:45

I can see his point but I can also see that in the scheme of things spending money on takeaways and eating out is much better than spending it on lip fillers and class A drugs. Sounds like you need to reign it in a bit in future and improve boundaries with your dad. He doesn't need to know. He might be an accountant, but he's not your accountant.

Nanamilly · 07/12/2019 15:45

That amount of money on going out wouldn't bother me but Id be very cross with you about the overdraft if you were one of mine.

I had a deal with my children as they married, they could stay rent free for two years in a property I owned and just pay their bills but at the end of two years they had to have at least two years of equivalent rent money saved. It worked really well for them but if they'd mismanaged finances whilst staying there, even if it was an overdraft, they'd have been told to leave.

My overdraft will be paid off with my next paycheck

You're robbing Peter to pay Paul - its no way to live.

C8H10N4O2 · 07/12/2019 15:46

he's offered looking after my account!

Does he think you are 12?

If you work in London and have several Christmas events in a month I can see that mounting up. As a one off its not the end of the world, learn from it and keep a closer check on the account in future.

Yes saving is good, especially as you have the opportunity to save the rent. There is also nothing wrong with enjoying what you earn whilst you can.

Give yourself a percentage "squander budget"each month and seperate off the (larger) saving percentage automatically. Keep within your squander budget across the year and you shouldn't go overdrawn.

BarbaraofSeville · 07/12/2019 15:46

My dad wants me to save every penny as he is extremely tight

Obviously there's a middle ground between £400 pw on food and drink and 'saving every penny' but what he probably doesn't want to see is you wasting a very lucky opportunity of low living costs in your own place when you could be saving a decent chunk each month for a great house deposit and instead in a few years time have little or nothing in savings when you could have tens of thousands of pounds.

Toooldfornonsense · 07/12/2019 15:47

As long as it’s not a regular occurrence then go for it - just don’t get into any habits with that sort of spending. Pay it off with your next set of wages and revert back to your better spending ways.

If you’ve been offered a free flat then go for it - don’t understand these posters commenting over entitlement. They’d be lying if they said they would not take the opportunity.

I can see what your dad is saying and he’s just worrying that you don’t make it a regular occurrence. Maybe don’t mention finances next time you are around him!

Troels · 07/12/2019 15:47

If you are in overdraft you are being silly o spend that kind of money on food. No you couldn't afford it and if I was your Dad I'd tell you that too. Time to grow up and act more responsibly.

viccat · 07/12/2019 15:47

It does seem like a lot to spend on food and drinks - I'd feel differently if it was a one off shopping spree for clothes for example, at least they'd last longer than one evening...

I suspect your dad's comment about it has affected you because you do feel guilty and want to justify it to yourself. Anyway, it was a one off... and it's done now, so just learn from it and move on. Hopefully you enjoyed your nights out!

christmassymcchristmas · 07/12/2019 15:48

The thing is you can't afford it. You've had to borrow to do it. And once you get used to a certain standard and your friends get used to you being able to shell out £400 a week for food then you're on a slippery slope.

Listen to your dad

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/12/2019 15:48

I think spending a lot of money when you’ve just started your first job is a rite of passage for some. Yanbu to think that it’s none of your dad’s business. It sounds as though you are saving alongside spending. Long term the level of spending will be unsustainable but I guess you know that. I can’t believe some of these answers. Was no one on this thread ever young and remember having money burning a hole in their pocket??

FoamingAtTheUterus · 07/12/2019 15:49

Your dad isn't right. He's sensible.

You're in a very fortunate position at the mo living rent free. You should be hoarding money. Not blowing ridiculous amounts on food trying to keep up with your workmates .........and if you're in your overdraft you can't afford it. 💁🏻‍♀️ So I'm with your dad on this one.

DarlingNikita · 07/12/2019 15:50

YANBU. You're a grown adult. Tell him to back off.

alexdgr8 · 07/12/2019 15:50

in my opinion, this is childish not adult behaviour. what age are you. you need to be saving every month, not spending every penny. what if something untoward happened, illness, injury, disability. or if you had to give up work to look after a family member suddenly disabled. anything could happen.
also it looks ungrateful to your father and to the owner of the flat. you have gained a great advantage and seem to be squandering it.
I would be v disappointed if this was my daughter's way of living. also does spending all that money really make you feel better; how about giving a fraction of it to help really struggling people.

what about doing some voluntary work, maybe in a food bank, or homeless family support centre.
please consider it, because that will really make you feel better and you will grow in maturity and self-respect. and make your parents so proud and happy.

Thelnebriati · 07/12/2019 15:51

I was going to say YANBU but you are in your overdraft, and you live with your Dad. Saying that your overdraft will be paid off with your next paycheck just shows how clueless you are with money.

Your Dad is wondering who you expect to pay for things like Christmas dinner, the bills, the mortgage.
Its him isn't it.

C8H10N4O2 · 07/12/2019 15:52

and you live with your Dad

No she doesn't.

Catsandchardonnay · 07/12/2019 15:54

You only live once! The only unreasonable thing you did was tell your dad. You’re an adult, it’s your choice what you do with your money.

DM1209 · 07/12/2019 15:54

Your Dad isn't 'tight' - he sees that you have a golden opportunity, living and working in London while only paying bills (no rent or mortgage) and you could be saving for a stable future.

£400.00 on eating/drinking out, irrelevant of the time of year is excessive and in my mind a total waste, what do you have to show for it? And I am not stingy, I eat out when I feel I want to and I earn very good money.

Further, if you are 'in your overdraft' - you cannot afford it and interest free or not, debt for eating out is not something to try and justify.
I get your perspective, you're feeling a bit low and it is a big month for socialising. However, January will come and things will settle down and all you will have to show for it is bills.

YABU and your Dad, however poorly executed, is trying to help.

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/12/2019 15:55

Your dad has a point but it is you life to fuck up.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 07/12/2019 15:56

It's irrelevant if she's in her overdraft. It's none of his business!

Youreckon · 07/12/2019 15:56

Going at it on a different angle, presumably you have set up a private pension on top of the statutory Government one now that you’re earning? The TV programme on the cost of daily living when we’re older was incredibly scary and a massive wake-up call to some.
Monthly savings by standing order?
Other expenses are manageable such as transportation?

Spied · 07/12/2019 15:56

You sound very immature.
So what- it's your money. Spend it as you please. Why feel the need to 'let slip' to o Dad?

Santasleftboot · 07/12/2019 15:57

Listen to what your Dad is saying.

Ponoka7 · 07/12/2019 15:58

Keep reminding him and yourself that you are an Adult and earn your own money.

The only time I commented on one of my DD's spending is when she was lending money off me in between paydays and when she's complained about being skint.

Sometimes you've got to be kind and spoil yourself, after events like a break up.

Purpletigers · 07/12/2019 15:59

Your dad has a point but it’s none of his business . It’s only 7th dec and if you’re already in your overdraft then you don’t sound terribly sensible with money . If you’re living rent free than I’d be saving as much as I could now. Never underestimate the security of money in the bank . Your dad has your best interests at heart .

Sunflower20 · 07/12/2019 16:00

It’s your money and you can spend it however you like.

But it does seem like you can’t afford it if you’re in your overdraft, even if it’s interest free which means absolutely nothing. I think savings are overrated but you should really never even be near your overdraft limit.

nowahousewife · 07/12/2019 16:01

Have not read the whole thread but lesson learnt OP. Do not discuss your finances with your dad. Grin