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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

£400 on eating out in one week - aibu?

449 replies

berki · 07/12/2019 15:06

Just had a massive bollocking off of my dad who now thinks I am beyond irresponsible. I am a grown woman!

This is by no means a normal occurrence. I feel weirdly embarrassed and anxious now which is making it all the worse.

I've just started my first grad job in London - making good money (for a singleton at least). In my defence, there have been A LOT of Xmas meals and drinks this week and I've spoilt myself (going through a breakup). Could have gone for cheaper options but I've literally thought "fuck it". Have also ordered deliveroo for breakfast to cure a hangover - not sure I've ever done that before.

AIBU to think yeah it's a lot but as a one-off and in the context of Xmas it's understandable and my dad should back off - he's offered looking after my account! Don't see the point of being bad to feel shit about it now.

It isn't ideal but I can "afford" it for one month. Does seem a massive waste tbh.

OP posts:
Goldenchildsmum · 07/12/2019 16:17

*I honestly think a one-off splurge that can easily be rectified next month isn't as bad some posters and my dad are making out. I have no kids and no major responsibilities.

I'm only young once.*

If this is what you truly believe, why ask for any outside validation?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/12/2019 16:18

I’d be very cross if my child had the huge advantage of living rent free courtesy of family and was in their overdraft as they couldn’t control their spending.

The fact you have been sensible for two months means very little.

Original poster
berki · 07/12/2019 16:18

I am saving - quite a bit actually

OP posts:
AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 07/12/2019 16:18

If you can afford it it’s absolutely none of his business is it. And whilst it is a lot, if you’ve been eating/drinking booze out every night it’s less than £60 a day which will only buy you about three large glasses of wine in London.

InsertFunnyUsername · 07/12/2019 16:19

Yes I suppose if you're never cooking at home. If it's part of your social life aswell I can see how it's done. He probably sees what a great opportunity you have with your housing situation and doesn't want you to waste it. Still nevermind, it's your business just dont let him know next time.

Original poster
berki · 07/12/2019 16:20

It's just unfortunate my dad made me get a fixed ISA as it would allow me a bit more flexibility.

OP posts:
JavaQ · 07/12/2019 16:20

"only young once"...............use it to your advantage and build your future by the power of compound interest. get one of those help to buy ISA or whatever. Just USE YOUR YOUTH!

Oscar Wilde was right....

Lulualla · 07/12/2019 16:20

You need to have savings to can actually access!!
You should have a permanent "buffer" in your everyday account which you never touch, for me that's £3000 so if something happens, I have instant access to that. Then an ISA with a set amount each year. Then I have a savings account which I can access but not with a debit card, so everything goes into that and if something happens, I can transfer money out of that but it's really never touched.

You should never lock away all your savings.

HermioneWeasley · 07/12/2019 16:21

Having managed your money for 2 months is not a track record.

You sound like a spoiled brat - instead of appreciating the enormous advantages you have and being grateful for them, you are moaning about being pulled up on irresponsible behaviour.

I’m with your Dad.

BritInUS1 · 07/12/2019 16:23

If you can afford it not issues

However, you are using an overdraft to fund it, so YABU

But, it's none of your Dad's business

MegaClutterSlut · 07/12/2019 16:23

You should be glad he made you get a fixed ISA tbh especially after this. It may not seem like it now but you will end up thanking him in the long run

Notcontent · 07/12/2019 16:23

Sorry - I am another who says that if you are using your overdraft then younar spending too much. When I got my first grad job that was paying well I made sure that i saved as much as I could.

strawberrieshortcake · 07/12/2019 16:24

Your dad didn’t make you get a fixed ISA? I’m presuming he didn’t fraudulently apply for one in your name and instead told you to get one and you did so.

Op you are sending mixed messages, you claim you are an adult so your dad shouldn’t meddle in your finance and then you say he made you (an adult who makes their own decisions) get an ISA.

If this is a one off fine, people do stupid things with money when they are young but I think him telling you it is a bad idea is perfectly reasonable especially as he is an accountant.

If you don’t want him commenting on your finances keep a tight lip about them in the future.

Lougle · 07/12/2019 16:25

It's not Christmas for another 2½ weeks. This isn't going to be the end of your spending...

strawberrieshortcake · 07/12/2019 16:25

Also as PP said, that fixed ISA seems like a great idea to make sure you save.

Yarboosucks · 07/12/2019 16:25

What is the point of being young, single and earning in London if you cannot be irresponsible at Christmas? I would suggest that your Dad needs to get out a bit more and refresh his understanding of a night out!

…. (I am still trying to get over the fact that 3 cocktails cost me £78 last week!)

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 07/12/2019 16:26

Just watching this other thread. Another young woman who is probably not much older than the OP.
I think her situation is a bit closer to real life.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3762751-How-can-I-save-money-quickly-sort-myself-out

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 07/12/2019 16:26

You are only young once - so don't waste that time by spending hand over fist until you are overdrawn. It's fair enough to treat yourself but AFTER you have salted away what you would be paying in rent. You have a fantastic opportunity to build up considerable savings - one that 99% of people don't get - and you're frittering it away on Deliveroo for breakfast?

You never know what is around the corner and a cushion of savings can save your bacon (and credit rating) if things go wrong. And if things go right, you are building a deposit for a house and a more secure future.

I can imagine your dad's face if you ask him to bail you out at any point in the future...

bridgetreilly · 07/12/2019 16:26

I don't feel great about it but why intentionally make me feel irresponsible? Wish he would just let me enjoy it and write it off as an anomaly. I've been responsible for the previous 2 months.

  1. Because you have been irresponsible. You have spent money that you do not have, and you've spent it on going out. That is irresponsible.
  2. Two 'responsible' months and one not? That's not enough evidence to suggest this is an anomaly at all.
  3. He's still your dad.
  4. It may seem like these are small amounts, easily repaid, but how you deal with small amounts of money is indicative of how you would deal with larger amounts. Don't get into the habit of spending money you don't have, especially on things you don't need.
dellacucina · 07/12/2019 16:27

Sounds like your dad was right to get you a fixed ISA.

A splurge now and then and especially over Christmas can be excusable, and it's possible he is otherwise unreasonable and overbearing, but £400 is a lot to spend on dining out in one week.

For context, I've been in the position of making £150k+ per year and living in London/New York, and I've probably never spent that much on food in one week, other than for a very special planned occasion.

BackforGood · 07/12/2019 16:28

But the point that people are making is "regularly" eating out at "central London Restaurant prices" is a choice that people who have huge disposable incomes can make if they are that wasteful of money but it isn't a choice that is sensible to make, when it puts you in to your overdraft.

Why can't you understand the difference ?

I honestly think a one-off splurge that can easily be rectified next month isn't as bad some posters and my dad are making out. I have no kids and no major responsibilities.

I'm only young once.

I'd agree with this ^ if you were talking about taking the opportunity for a one off holiday to somewhere special or to go traveling, or, quite frankly if it were a one off opportunity to see something special to you (last tour of a group or singer, or the World Cup Final of your favourite sport or something that couldn't be done next month or next year) - but this wasn't that - it was just eating out. You can eat out ever night for far less than that, or eat out at daft prices just the once, but do it with your 'spare money' at the end of the month, not by putting yourself into debt.

romeoonthebalcony · 07/12/2019 16:28

working lives are long and tiring, letting deliveroo relieve you of your hard earned for a bit of brekkie may be a short term hit and it's great for the economy, money for the restaurant, money for deliveroo and the driver, money for the bank in overdraft fees - but if I was your Dad I'd be worried about this becoming a way of life too. Health and money give you options in life, Deliveroo breakfasts lead to neither.

Techway · 07/12/2019 16:30

If you budgeted for a blow out week them fine but you didn't as you had to go into your overdraft. You were not financially responsible. Maybe you are responsible in other areas of your life but you can't claim to have finance wisdom.

Going out is one area where you do have control and it easy to slip into poor behaviours. Perhaps your dad knows your track record?

If you have a decent salary, only pay Bill's and save you should have been able to afford £400 on going out.

Have you sorted Xmas presents yet or will that also be your overdraft?

CherryPavlova · 07/12/2019 16:30

I’m with your father but understand it’s your money. One offs tend not to be. There’s always an excuse.

It depends whether you expect your father to bale you out when you go over your overdraft and the money stops coming out of the wall.

Raspberrytruffle · 07/12/2019 16:32

Wow it's up to you how much you spend your a grown lady but fuck me that's my 3/4 week budget shopping at sainsbury's for a family of 4! Plus we use our local butchers so that's included in the spend. Your money your business

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