£400 on eating out in one week - aibu?

[berki]

Just had a massive bollocking off of my dad who now thinks I am beyond irresponsible. I am a grown woman!

This is by no means a normal occurrence. I feel weirdly embarrassed and anxious now which is making it all the worse.

I've just started my first grad job in London - making good money (for a singleton at least). In my defence, there have been A LOT of Xmas meals and drinks this week and I've spoilt myself (going through a breakup). Could have gone for cheaper options but I've literally thought "fuck it". Have also ordered deliveroo for breakfast to cure a hangover - not sure I've ever done that before.

AIBU to think yeah it's a lot but as a one-off and in the context of Xmas it's understandable and my dad should back off - he's offered looking after my account! Don't see the point of being bad to feel shit about it now.

It isn't ideal but I can "afford" it for one month. Does seem a massive waste tbh.

the way you see your overdraft as a 'loan' to be repaid makes me think that you will use and abuse it.

I can see why your dad is unhappy with you and why he considers your financial affairs are his business. You are being supported by family - living rent free in a London flat owned by relatives - so presumably the property is owned by a member of your dad's family or a member of your dm's. That is an extraordinary bit of good fortune that would be life changing for most people.

You sound spoilt. Maybe you will fall into a financially secure life (you certainly are starting off with lots of advantages) but having provided for you for so long your dad probably wants to know you are engaged with financial reality, which you are clearly not.

You say he is tight, then mention he and your dm wouldn't let you repay the full amount of your flat deposits. It would be truer to say he is generous and you are complacent. I would be annoyed if I let one of my dcs off with a significant debt (so they could get on their feet at the start of their career) and then found they were living off an overdraft and spent £400 a week on food while living in rent free accomodation provided by relatives.

I don't think you're wrong op. Yes you spent a lot of money but you weren't begging your dad for money or defaulting on your debts.

Really? I read it as "we know the market rate and we will pay it"

Nah, it usually means 'low'

You're very lucky, and also lucky to have a family who care about you and are trying to protect you from bad decisions. Personally in your position, I would save all I can and buy my own place. And ask your dad for advice, but tell him you want to make your own decisions to learn to be independent.

YABU. It's not your money, it was the bank's money, and you borrowed it. Just because they let you borrow it doesn't make it yours.

But if you don't want your Dad to comment then don't tell him.

And I also am wondering what you spent £400 on?

Ah well I voted YANBU from the op but then found out you are in your overdraft which means you can't afford it so therefore YABU.

If you're in your overdraft then you clearly can't afford it so yes, YABU

You can’t afford it if you’re buying in on tick

You're now in the Daily Mail OP!! Graduate is blasted for splurging £400 in a week on socialising
mol.im/a/7773203

Hi OP

I can see the thrill of living in a city like London and eating out, having a splurge on things, especially while going through a break-up!

It's a guilty pleasure I remember from my 20s when living away from home etc

However, it sounds like you don't actually have the cash to fund this, it's all coming out of your overdraft- which you will have to pay back at some point in the future.

I think the big mistake you made was telling your dad about the spending, I'm not surprised he's massively annoyed at you.

You've got an amazing opportunity to live in London and live rent/mortgage free!

Not many people are in that situation- either those who have so much money they can buy a property cash free or those who are still living with parents/relatives rent free.

You're in the perfect situation of living in your 'own' place and not paying rent or mortgage. It's also the perfect opportunity to save money with your new job- this sounds boring, but it will help buy yourself independence in the future.

If you can get your foot on the property ladder you won't have to be sharing a home in a houseshare or paying top £££ to rent your own flat- costs are even more sky high as a single person.

You are in a very fortunate position and I don't blame your dad for being annoyed- probably would've been best to keep those details from him!

OMG! All this 'it's coming out of our overdraft' over and over!
It's only coming out of her overdraft because she saves a lot and can't access it instantly. It's like me borrowing money for lunch from a colleague and being told I obviously can't afford it. I can, but just don't have the change at that moment. It's a cash flow issue, that's all.

"the salary is typically marketed as “competitive” which is code for low."

Eh? Competitive means it competes with salaries for other jobs so it's at least average and not low.

Dunno if I agree with that, because savings are generally for major life events like education, housing, health or redundancy. You don't dip into them for entertainment or other monthly expenses.

savings are generally for major life events like education, housing, health or redundancy.
I would argue that there are different type of savings. And savings are for whatever you want to save for.

Mortified this appeared in the DM. Thankfully no one I know reads that pile of shit.

Still don't think I've done THAT much wrong. No irreversible damage has been done (excluding my liver).

In the space of 3 months I've managed to save £6k and have a lot of fun. I'm slightly into my overdraft after all the taxis and nights out but I will easily be able to pay it back next month by putting less into my ISA (tbh I am tempted to not save at all for 1 month and go and ring in the NY somewhere more exciting - the very idea!).

Yes, I am very fortunate. And to all the people saying "daddy" will probably baIl me out - you need to check your patronising misogynistic views.

I can’t shake the feeling that you’re actually pretty lonely and not enjoying London life at all but trying to convey an image on mumsnet.
Why? Goodness knows

@berki damn DM! Like I said before. Enjoy. Blowing £400 rarely is not that bad. You can easily spend £200 on a night in London. Going into overdraft is not that bad if you can pay it back by not saving as much next month. I feel like I was reading a different thread than others. Also new York sounds awesome

Still don't think I've done THAT much wrong. No irreversible damage has been done (excluding my liver).
@berki
True but it's very easy to let a one-off become a habit.

"savings are generally for major life events like education, housing, health or redundancy.
I would argue that there are different type of savings. And savings are for whatever you want to save for."

Exactly.
Lots of people save for holidays or for Christmas.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-50742094

Man spending £400 a week on takeaways. I say that's up to him, but then I also say its up to the OP what she spends her money on.

savings are generally for major life events like education, housing, health or redundancy. You don't dip into them for entertainment or other monthly expenses.

I have multiple pots. I pay into a pension (savings for retirement), a S&S ISA (long term saving, dipped into it once in the last 20 years when we bought our last house), and a cash ISA (short term savings for holidays, Christmas, stuff for the house etc, always has a minimum amount in it of ~£1K but money doesn't sit in there for longer than say a year).

Agree @Gwenhwyfar

I call my savings my sunny day fund - ie saving s for spending, not saving for 'what if?'

I have multiple pots.
Same. One for buying a house someday , monthly transfers for investment funds for starting a family and retirement, pension is handled by employer and then a general savings that I can use for sunny and rainy day.