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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

£400 on eating out in one week - aibu?

449 replies

berki · 07/12/2019 15:06

Just had a massive bollocking off of my dad who now thinks I am beyond irresponsible. I am a grown woman!

This is by no means a normal occurrence. I feel weirdly embarrassed and anxious now which is making it all the worse.

I've just started my first grad job in London - making good money (for a singleton at least). In my defence, there have been A LOT of Xmas meals and drinks this week and I've spoilt myself (going through a breakup). Could have gone for cheaper options but I've literally thought "fuck it". Have also ordered deliveroo for breakfast to cure a hangover - not sure I've ever done that before.

AIBU to think yeah it's a lot but as a one-off and in the context of Xmas it's understandable and my dad should back off - he's offered looking after my account! Don't see the point of being bad to feel shit about it now.

It isn't ideal but I can "afford" it for one month. Does seem a massive waste tbh.

OP posts:
motherheroic · 08/12/2019 16:08

@Gwenhwyfar You keep saying she has the money to spend, yet she is overdrawn. If she had the money to spend she wouldn't be overdrawn. What's not clicking? Confused

kateandme · 08/12/2019 16:19

motherheroic yes this is wat im not getting
Gwenhwyfar then she still doesnt have the money to access does she.therefore in the money she can access she needs to build it up so she can spend.she doesnt have the money so she is going into overdraft.
so she DOES NOT HAVE THE MONEY.if its going into fixed saving she needs to then have it in her accesssble current account.sh doesnt.she doesnt she doesnt.so is going into o/d

00100001 · 08/12/2019 17:13

@Gwenhwyfar "She said she has a good salary for her age and she doesn't pay rent, so maybe she can"

Maybe, but £400 excess spend out her into her over draft. But she says "just into OD". But we have no idea what that is so it's really hard to tell if she will be affected next month.

She might be £40 into it, she might be £400.... It makes a difference!

MitziK · 08/12/2019 17:22

Bitter, bitter experience has also taught me (and a lot of people) that a job might not last through the Probationary Period for many reasons. Or at any time in the first two years.

The OP sounds as though she's run out of money by the time her third salary has gone in. That's not the time to have a spend up, that's the time to be super careful, just in case she gets the 'Sorry it isn't working out/business plans have changed/we've lost a major client' conversation instead of a 'here's your formal contract, you're now a Permanent Member of Staff' chat.

Vemvet · 08/12/2019 17:30

Yes, YABU. That is quite simply a silly amount to spend on eating out - just a waste of resources in all senses. You've got nothing to show for it! You should be saving hard if you're living rent free.

victorioussponges · 08/12/2019 17:34

No point dwelling on this month (including your dad's comments) but if you can, going forwards, I'd try to build up a bit of a buffer and only go into your overdraft if you absolutely have to. The interest free period won't last forever and presumably neither will your flat. If you spend now like both will last then it's going to be a massive struggle to change your habits and rein in your spending when you have to. Meanwhile, keep your dad out unless you want/need advice on managing your finances.

CheungS255 · 08/12/2019 17:34

Be grateful you have a father who care enough to do something about it. It might be a one off and others had said, its your money but if you did really think it is ok, you wont be asking on this thread! not many people i know would think that is ok tho.

Palaver1 · 08/12/2019 17:37

And when you are ever in need of money be it now or in the future who will you turn to .
Massive amount of money

Notreallyhappy · 08/12/2019 17:49

If your in your OD you can't afford it.. shite time etc..it's not your money your spending it's the banks

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 08/12/2019 17:55

None of his business but how on earth did you spend 400 on food for one in ONE week?!!
Did you eat a three course meal with wine every night? Plus breakfast and lunch out?

Jack80 · 08/12/2019 17:58

It's a one off it, maybe your dad is just protecting you

Jeeperscreepers69 · 08/12/2019 17:59

If your in your overdraft your living above your means. Be careful and keep your buisness to yourself. Your dad will only worry with good reason id say.

Rosieposy4 · 08/12/2019 18:11

Your last posts make you sound even more irresponsible with money so I am not surprised your Dad is worried. £500 of returns ( and you have yet to go about actually returning any of it) it is sounding more and more like you are blowing through money like it is going out of fashion. ( plus a £100 this week is quite a lot if you are basically not buying any food, what is that on?)

duckyolucky · 08/12/2019 18:12

I think people are overreacting regarding the OPs financial position. Now I'm not condoning £400 on eating/drinking but as a one off around Christmas its not the end of the world. The OP must be earning at least 40k in terms of her spending breakdown. Crucially she sounds privileged in terms of living rent free, and a parent who is "monitoring" her finances. She's not going to end up destitute as i'm sure her parents will bail her out if needed.

I've worked with loads of people who have significant financial help from their parents & when you have they safety net there's not much incentive to be super responsible.

Chickychickydodah · 08/12/2019 18:24

Enjoy your money. Try to make an effort after Christmas to save a bit each month. You are old enough to manage your own money . Dad does not need to interfere

MustShowDH · 08/12/2019 18:25

This is the same generation that claims it can't get on the housing ladder!

Youreckon · 08/12/2019 18:27

Serious question, OP.
Are you lacking in confidence? It’s just that spending £500 for it to then be returned for a refund and then £400 on nights out screams of a psychological issue.

Maybe think before you get anti.

MLMsuperfan · 08/12/2019 18:31

when you have a safety net there's not much incentive to be super responsible

Agreed, but the flip side is you must take the odd lecture.

TatianaLarina · 08/12/2019 18:32

I think £400 on food is a bit OTT but OP knows that.

But £500 from returns is absolutely fine. Could be 2 dresses in 2 sizes, or 1 coat in 2 sizes.

RedLipstickHighHeels · 08/12/2019 18:33

That’s a low and unnecessary dig @MustShowDH.
In 2108 Londoners had to find 18times their annual salary to purchase a home
The op having a £400 blow out won’t make a dent in the deposit she'd need to get started
Had her expenditure been £40,000 not £400 yes maybe make a dig
Otherwise it’s a lazy steroype. At least you didn’t say
Snowflakes
They have enough cash for lattes but nothing to set up home

Sn0tnose · 08/12/2019 18:52

I’m not going to judge you for your spending habits because I’ve certainly made some unbelievably stupid decisions on my finances in the past.

However, if you tell an accountant that you’re living rent free but have had to go into your overdraft because you’ve had such a fun month, then of course he’s going to think you’re financially irresponsible. Any accountant would think that, so add in the care he has for you as his daughter, what reaction did you think you were going to get? He’s hardly going to say ‘good for you for having such a good social life berki’.

Alpal1 · 08/12/2019 19:05

yes your father is right. It’s wasteful, unenvironmental and you should be saving whilst you are rent free. It’s nothing to do with being an accountant, just common sense.

I am no fan of posts like this as loads of readers on this site would love to have 400 pounds to fritter away in a month.

Oly4 · 08/12/2019 19:05

When I was in my 20s and living in London is spent loads on eating and drinking and going out. Was fabulous! There is plenty of time to be sensible in the future.
However OP, a word of warning. It’s very easy to overspend when all your friends are and it’s easy to run up debt.
Spend what you like but also start stashing something in savings as you’d be silly not to when you’re only paying bills and no rent

ICouldBeVotingTactically · 08/12/2019 19:09

I'm on team Dad.

In my book, overdrafts are for emergencies. Eating out to the tune of £400 is not an emergency.

But you'd probably think I'm boring, OP.

ktp100 · 08/12/2019 19:18

You've done it and you can't change it so don't beat yourself up about it now.

That said, you'd be stupid to let it become a habit. You're very lucky to be living rent free but that won't last forever. Best to get in the habit of having money left every month so that when you do have bigger outgoings it won't be such a shock. Maybe start saving a couple of hundred or so a month so you can show Dad you're responsible and you have an emergency fund/savings towards a house deposit fund.

I have a tendency to have a blowout when I'm feeling down so I totally get it.

Maybe you could watch the Dispatches episode about hungry kids. That'll soon have you feeling guilty for the take aways!!