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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

£400 on eating out in one week - aibu?

449 replies

berki · 07/12/2019 15:06

Just had a massive bollocking off of my dad who now thinks I am beyond irresponsible. I am a grown woman!

This is by no means a normal occurrence. I feel weirdly embarrassed and anxious now which is making it all the worse.

I've just started my first grad job in London - making good money (for a singleton at least). In my defence, there have been A LOT of Xmas meals and drinks this week and I've spoilt myself (going through a breakup). Could have gone for cheaper options but I've literally thought "fuck it". Have also ordered deliveroo for breakfast to cure a hangover - not sure I've ever done that before.

AIBU to think yeah it's a lot but as a one-off and in the context of Xmas it's understandable and my dad should back off - he's offered looking after my account! Don't see the point of being bad to feel shit about it now.

It isn't ideal but I can "afford" it for one month. Does seem a massive waste tbh.

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 08/12/2019 12:06

Why on earth did you tell him?

Having said that, it does sound daft and frankly irresponsible if you've had to go into overdraft.

If your very convenient rent-free arrangement should come to an end, it does sound as if you are liable to get a very nasty shock about the true cost of living.

RedskyToNight · 08/12/2019 12:08

I can't see myself spending more than £100 this week

OP - are you trying to keep up with people who are more wealthy than you? You've mentioned "only" spending £100 this week as if it's a small amount of money. Assuming that's not including bills, that's still a lot!!

motherheroic · 08/12/2019 12:09

@Gwenhwyfar If you have to use your savings to eat out/socialise and whatever else you can't afford it. It's really that simple.

Eyewhisker · 08/12/2019 12:09

I’m on team Dad. You clearly have no idea how to manage money and are going to have a shock later on. Or if the kind relative hears how you’ve been acting and decides to let you look after yourself. I can handle an expensive London restaurant - but Deliveroo for breakfast????? £500 of returns????

Is this a troll?

lovemenorca · 08/12/2019 12:13

* Assuming that's not including bills, that's still a lot!!*

London
Single
Decent paid job
Twenties

It really isn’t. Fond memories!

lovemenorca · 08/12/2019 12:14

£100 a week that is

00100001 · 08/12/2019 12:23

when is your next pay day OP?

LaurieMarlow · 08/12/2019 12:30

But she can't access them, so she can't just transfer some money across, therefore, they're as much help as if she didn't have them at all.

So? She’s dipped into her overdraft. It’s not the end of the world. She just needs to be a bit more sensible in future. A lesson that many people learn at her stage.

Rezie · 08/12/2019 12:37

In my head you can't afford it if it's made you go overdrawn.

I don't necessarily agree with this statement. I think it's more about if you can afford to paynack the overdraft quickly. If you put £1000 into your savings on payday and thena few weeks later discover that there were a lot of events and you use more than expected and use your overdraft. Then the next day you put "only" £600 to savings and pay overdraft. WOuldn't really consider that to be the worst thing and being irresposible.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 08/12/2019 12:42

If you're going overdrawn despite not having any rent to pay, then you are managing your money badly, even if it was a one-off splurge. You are very lucky to be living rent free, and you should be able to save some at least.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/12/2019 13:34

"But she can't access them, so she can't just transfer some money across, therefore, they're as much help as if she didn't have them at all."

She could access them if she really needed to. It's an ISA, not blocks of gold kept in a safe on Mars.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/12/2019 13:37

"@Gwenhwyfar If you have to use your savings to eat out/socialise and whatever else you can't afford it. It's really that simple."

No, it really isn't that simple. Some people save £50 a month, some save £1,000 a month so obviously the one who saves the most doesn't have as much instantly accessible cash, but it doesn't mean they have less money.
I don't save every month and I go out for food. Does that mean I'm spending my savings? It's not that simple is it?

Lots of people do dip into their savings around Christmas. In fact, some people save especially FOR Christmas.

dayslikethese1 · 08/12/2019 13:43

Tbh when I was that age I was always in my overdraft and so were most ppl I know. On the other hand I was on low wage and wasnt doing any fine dining Grin Also I had rent to pay so the overdraft was due to essential spends rather than luxuries iyswim. I actually think your relative isn't helping you in a way because it's going to be hard for you to learn to budget. Just to let you know as well, my bank shrunk my overdraft suddenly with hardly any notice and I was in the shit so just a warning that they can do that.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 08/12/2019 13:43

OP- most people think being able to "afford" something means you don't need to borrow to pay for it.

You need to see going into your overdraft as borrowing. It being interest free makes no difference.

If you have no rent to pay, on a graduate wage in London, you should be able to afford to do stuff like that as a one off- meaning you should have enough buffer in your current account from not having to pay rent to cover a £400 blow out. The fact you didn't, suggests it was the £400 on top of already spending to the limit.

mrsbyers · 08/12/2019 13:55

You got yourself into debt for it so really you couldn’t afford it but as a one off I’d say it’s your call - Jan is usually a quiet month so pay it off then

CountFosco · 08/12/2019 14:17

Just as an aside, would you expect a company to refund delivery charges if you paid for next day delivery but it didn't arrive on time?

I have complained about precisely this and got refunded by Boden, sent the item back as well because it arrived too late. Boden have good customer service though.

ElluesPichulobu · 08/12/2019 14:37

Wealthiness is not an absolute thing. It is how much money you have compared to the costs of things you consider to be part of a reasonable lifestyle. It is possible for one person on £32,000 per year to feel very well off as they have the expectations for standard of living that could comfortably be met by £25,000 per year. Another person with exactly the same income could constantly feel they are struggling to make ends meet because their expectations would really take about £35,000 per year to meet comfortably so they are constantly just a bit short for what they want.

As a single person in a graduate job and rent-free living you are making choices which will set up those expectations. If you just spend the minimum on bills and spend all the rest of your income on luxuries and enjoyment like meals out, you are setting yourself up for future misery. Your dad only wants to ensure your long-term happiness. Yes you are a grownup and can make your own decisions, but look to the bigger picture. It is very difficult for a loving parent to see their much-loved (adult) child take a path of short term fun plus long term misery, when there is a perfectly reasonable option available with more modest amounts of fun now and a better chance of stability and contentment later on.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/12/2019 14:49

"OP- most people think being able to "afford" something means you don't need to borrow to pay for it."

Right. So anyone with a mortgage 'can't afford a house'?
Anyone with a student loan can't afford to go to uni?
Not all debt is bad. An interest free overdraft is just a cashflow thing for someone with lots of savings.

WorldEndingFire · 08/12/2019 15:36

If you're in your overdraft then I get where he's coming from as you've spent money you don't have. Especially given how fortunate you are not to have to pay rent; so many people have to spend a third of their income on rent, even with lots of treats every month it seems a lot of effort to get into your overdraft. I imagine you're just getting used to enjoying having your own money though, and that's important too. It's your prerogative, but don't waste this opportunity, either - many would bite your arm off for a chance to save that much!

SexlessBoulderBelly · 08/12/2019 15:40

We do a months worth of shopping at Asda for half of that. To feed me and DP every day.. for an entire month.

We’re a week into December and you’re in your overdraft... how are you ‘affording’ the rest of the month? Are you going to have to borrow money from your father or anyone?

Frankola · 08/12/2019 15:41

You are in your overdraft. You can't afford to live like that. Sorry

kateandme · 08/12/2019 15:44

Gwenhwyfar totally different spedning.she has gone into debt through buying food in a week. that pretty out there lifestyle choice when you dont have that money to spend.that is not setting herself up with a ome and morgage or uni.

plus now having to live off juie and soups.
and has 500 worth of returns.
this is rather telling for a lifestyle a young person with no rent and good income is going through money.

kateandme · 08/12/2019 15:46

But spending this additional £400 put you into your over draught, which means you must have only had a maximum of £399.99 in your account a week ago. (and likely less). how much of your over draught are you using? £50? £500?

let's say you have already borrowed £400 from the bank to pay for your blowout, because you had 0p.

THis means your bank balance is -£400.

So you'll have to borrow more money presumably to get you through to next payday?
When do you get paid in the month? Beginning, middle, end, every 4 weeks?

Because, unless it's in the next week or so - how on earth are you going to afford to live until the next pay day (Christmas aside)?

And then let's say you get piad today - you'll be £400 down on your salary immediately.
Can ou afford to live off your salary minus £400 until next pay day?

no you cant since you will be living off juice and soups.
and another £100 down so you will be 500 into your o/d?
that 500 down on your salary for next month

Gwenhwyfar · 08/12/2019 15:55

"Gwenhwyfar totally different spedning.she has gone into debt through buying food in a week. that pretty out there lifestyle choice when you dont have that money to spend"

But she does have the money to spend!
She's saving large amounts.
400 in a week is a lot, but it's pretty similar to going on holiday and a lot of people have to dip into their savings for that. If the savings aren't instant access, that may involve borrowing and the borrowing here is interest free so harmless.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/12/2019 15:56

"Can ou afford to live off your salary minus £400 until next pay day?

She said she has a good salary for her age and she doesn't pay rent, so maybe she can.