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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can't agree on name for baby: aibu?

243 replies

NoGuarantee · 07/12/2019 07:55

Baby is a week old. Throughout the pregnancy, I would try to talk to my husband about names, made a long list but we both knew we would want to meet the baby before agreeing on the name (we did the same with our daughter and realised that when born, to us, she didn't 'suit' the names we had shortlisted).

So baby is born, I let my husband know the names I think suit the baby and ask what he thinks. He says no to them all. Doesn't hugely elaborate why. I ask him for names he likes. He tells me two which I don't like, although I did say I'd compromise on the spelling for 1 (he wanted the traditional Welsh spelling despite the fact we have no connection to Wales in the slightest which I though would be a bit odd!) and the other I didn't like the 'full' name but would have compromised on the nickname being on the birth cert. Husband said no to nickname and alternative spelling.

I then sent a list of a new 5 names I liked and husband turns them all down, again, no real explanation why. He just says 'no, don't like them'. They are not out there or younique, or too American or anything weird. Think William, Bertie, Frank kind of thing.

Husband supplies list of 5 names which I also don't like. There are two names on there which I don't mind but one is very similar to my nephew (Lewis and Louis) and another is an old friend of the family so I feel it's like naming the baby after someone that we don't have a close enough relationship with. The other 2 names are the two I mentioned earlier (that ive offered compromises for) and a fifth name that I just don't actually like (Tristram).

So, my aibu. I grew this bloody baby for 9 months, put my back and hips out carrying him around commuting 3 hours a day (he weighed 10lb 6oz when born!), went through the labour and birth, am up all night breastfeeding him... AIBU to just demand one of my bloody names?

I know I am. I don't want a name for my baby that I don't like. Why should the dad have a name he doesn't like. But also... Why can't he just like one of my bloody suggestions or accept the compromise?

Help. Please don't reply with more names - there is not a name out there we haven't discussed.

I've sent him a new list of 5 I'd be happy with. Think Charlie, Freddie, Arthur... Type names.

Yabu: you need to keep going and find fresh names you can agree on

YANBU: try to persuade husband to agree to my favourite name based on the fact I'm the mum.

OP posts:
RumpoleoftheBaileys · 08/12/2019 20:18

What about Adrian instead of Aiden?

CheerfulMuddler · 08/12/2019 21:00

I think you should go with Aiden. My DS has the same name as my uncle and one of my DH's best friends. When we introduced him we said "He's not named after you, but we knew a lot of nice NAMEs, and that made us think it was a good choice."
I know a couple of people who are less close with the same name (it's a fairly common name of my generation, less common for modern children, think David or Michael.) To them I just said "Well, at least you know we didn't veto it because we knew sometime awful with that name! We must like you!"
I doubt your family friend will think he's named after him. I agree Louis/Lewis would be weird, but I think Aiden is fine and a name you both like is worth a potentially awkward conversation with your friend, who will probably be flattered if anything and is very unlikely to think you're naming the baby after him.

PurpleTrilby · 08/12/2019 21:13

Don't use a Welsh name unless you and the dad understand how to pronounce it. Double ll is not the same as l, and if baby's dad doesn't understand that, he is in no position to name anything. He sounds like a dick to be honest. Sorry.

DistanceCall · 08/12/2019 22:38

Call him Ernest, use the nickname Ernie. Done. (To be honest, I think it would be ridiculous for someone to have Ernie as his actual name).

Original poster
NoGuarantee · 08/12/2019 23:16

@DistanceCall: why would it be? If that's what he is known as, introduced as and called by everyone?

So everyone calls him Ernie, that's his name and somehow registering that on the BC is ridiculous? Please explain why.

OP posts:
Andysbestadventure · 09/12/2019 01:24

For the same reason Prince Harry's kid should be called Alfred, not Alfie @NoGuarantee ... Ernie is a nickname. It'd be like naming someone Becky instead of Rebecca, Madge instead of Margaret, or Saz instead of Sarah etc. It just doesn't sit right.

Andysbestadventure · 09/12/2019 01:26

Why not Tristan instead of Aiden?

Original poster
NoGuarantee · 09/12/2019 01:31

To me, that's a shit reason... Essentially "just because it should". If you want someone's name to be Madge, everyone will call them Madge, you like Madge and dislike Margaret, they'll be known to everyone as Madge and introduce themselves as Madge, they'll have 'known as Madge' written in the school register etc... It doesn't sit right to me putting Margaret on the BC 🤷‍♂️ I've never got it. Just have their legal name as Madge, surely?

If you'd rtft - which I know is a pain at 9 pages - you'll know why not Tristan!

OP posts:
category12 · 09/12/2019 06:12

Madge and Ernie and Bob and Phil etc etc are all diminutives and not proper names. Giving the full form on the birth certificate allows the child a choice later on. They may prefer a more formal name professionally etc. It may be a traditional view, but then again, I think the flexibility it offers the bearer of the name is far nicer for them.

DistanceCall · 09/12/2019 06:16

So everyone calls him Ernie, that's his name and somehow registering that on the BC is ridiculous? Please explain why.

Because it's not a real name. It's derived from Ernest. In the same way as I don't think Meg is a real name but Margaret is.

I'm old-fashioned when it comes to names, yes.

Original poster
NoGuarantee · 09/12/2019 06:40

Of course it's a real name - just because it's a shortened version of another name, doesn't mean it isn't a name.

Take Tom, for example. I know Tom's - they are genuinely never referred to by anyone as Thomas. Ever. They just have to write it on official paperwork and it's on their BC. In what way are their lives enriched by having Thomas on their BC and how would their lives be any different if their BC said Tom?

We will just have to agree to disagree!

I don't like Ernest. I would accept Ernie. A PP suggested putting two names in a hat - his fav from my list and my fav from his. I'll be choosing Ernest, you'll be pleased to know, he hasn't said which of mine he is choosing yet. At least we will have a decision shortly!

OP posts:
Daisydoola · 09/12/2019 06:42

Prince Harry hasn't got a kid called Alfie

Original poster
NoGuarantee · 09/12/2019 07:27

And what about names that can't be shortened, like Paul? If you call a kid Paul and he hates it, there's no long version on the BC for him to use. It's just his name.

OP posts:
SofaCushion · 09/12/2019 07:46

I’ve always thought the same that the mum should have the final decision! It sounds really stressful OP. Hope he agrees soon

ThunderboltandLightning · 09/12/2019 07:47

Surely, if you like the diminutives of Herbert, you could apply at least some of those to Albert. So name him Albert and call him Bert/Bertie. Tada, compromise.

Your DH suggestions are far nicer than yours.

Original poster
NoGuarantee · 09/12/2019 09:07

He has said no to Albert.

OP posts:
WooMaWang · 09/12/2019 10:02

The 'then the child will have a choice' argument is weird.

If you like Madge but not margaret then why would you want them to have the choice of using something you dislike? It's just silly. The OP doesn't want a son called Ernest so why would she leave it as an option for the future.

Naming a child is choosing for them. Always. It's ridiculous to pretend otherwise.

I think my parents chose a crap name for me (and there are literally no acceptable diminutives of it) but they chose it. If I wanted to change it I could, but it would involve family politics. I don't dislike it enough to bother with that.

FizzyGreenWater · 09/12/2019 10:11

Forget nicknames, the issue is that your husband is a bully.

I hope he does choose a name from your set. If he refuses then you have massive, massive problems.

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 09/12/2019 17:00

I like Herbert.

We had a guinea pig called Herbert (though he turned out to be Herbertine, but that is another story).

category12 · 09/12/2019 17:52

If you like Madge but not margaret then why would you want them to have the choice of using something you dislike?... Naming a child is choosing for them. Always. It's ridiculous to pretend otherwise.

Because you might think, hey, a bit of flexibility might be useful for my kid when they grow up and why would I want to tie them in so tightly to my want? I can work out my power trips on my pets. My guinea pig is called Archibald Grimwauld the Nuisance and everyone shall call him by his full name or face the consequences.

But for my kids, I tried to think of what they might want a bit. Margaret is a great name with so many shortened forms, it's a bloody shame to remove options. Same with William and Alexander etc.

Rosie2000 · 09/12/2019 17:52

What about Arden? Similar to Aiden

DistanceCall · 09/12/2019 19:54

I'm sorry, but I think that being legally called "Ernie" or "Madge" or "Poppy" as an adult in the professional world is a serious handicap.

As PPs have said, a more "official" name gives you more options. Your children won't be cute little kids forever. Perhaps Daisy Boo will prefer to have a weightier name when she becomes a judge.

DistanceCall · 09/12/2019 19:59

For example, my own name: I am named after my maternal grandmother, a fairly long, old-fashioned name. My family have always called me by a (faintly ridiculous) abbreviation of that name.

When I turned 15 I was fed up with my family nickname, so I started using another, more neutral nickname, for the same name.

So professionally I use my longer, more serious, name, among friends and informally I use my chosen nickname, and my family still call me by the family nickname.

If my family had seen fit to register me under the nickname they use for me, I would have changed names as soon as I could. Seriously.

MikeUniformMike · 09/12/2019 20:02

What are adults in the professional world called?

AlexanderHalexander · 09/12/2019 20:19

I work with several doctors called Poppy. Having a female name doesn't mean you can't get a professional job Hmm

I've also worked with doctors called:

Sherry
Sally
Tippi
Connor

In 20 years doctors, judges, MPs will all have current top 20 names. Dr Alfie, Dr Mia etc.

We don't all have to be called Elizabeth (awful, boring name)