Can't agree on name for baby: aibu?

[NoGuarantee]

Baby is a week old. Throughout the pregnancy, I would try to talk to my husband about names, made a long list but we both knew we would want to meet the baby before agreeing on the name (we did the same with our daughter and realised that when born, to us, she didn't 'suit' the names we had shortlisted).

So baby is born, I let my husband know the names I think suit the baby and ask what he thinks. He says no to them all. Doesn't hugely elaborate why. I ask him for names he likes. He tells me two which I don't like, although I did say I'd compromise on the spelling for 1 (he wanted the traditional Welsh spelling despite the fact we have no connection to Wales in the slightest which I though would be a bit odd!) and the other I didn't like the 'full' name but would have compromised on the nickname being on the birth cert. Husband said no to nickname and alternative spelling.

I then sent a list of a new 5 names I liked and husband turns them all down, again, no real explanation why. He just says 'no, don't like them'. They are not out there or younique, or too American or anything weird. Think William, Bertie, Frank kind of thing.

Husband supplies list of 5 names which I also don't like. There are two names on there which I don't mind but one is very similar to my nephew (Lewis and Louis) and another is an old friend of the family so I feel it's like naming the baby after someone that we don't have a close enough relationship with. The other 2 names are the two I mentioned earlier (that ive offered compromises for) and a fifth name that I just don't actually like (Tristram).

So, my aibu. I grew this bloody baby for 9 months, put my back and hips out carrying him around commuting 3 hours a day (he weighed 10lb 6oz when born!), went through the labour and birth, am up all night breastfeeding him... AIBU to just demand one of my bloody names?

I know I am. I don't want a name for my baby that I don't like. Why should the dad have a name he doesn't like. But also... Why can't he just like one of my bloody suggestions or accept the compromise?

Help. Please don't reply with more names - there is not a name out there we haven't discussed.

I've sent him a new list of 5 I'd be happy with. Think Charlie, Freddie, Arthur... Type names.

Yabu: you need to keep going and find fresh names you can agree on

YANBU: try to persuade husband to agree to my favourite name based on the fact I'm the mum.

I'm not a fan of putting a full name on a birth certificate that will never get used, just so parents can use a nickname all their lives... I never have! Have no idea why people do that. If we are going to call him Ernie, why put Ernest on the birth cert and not just Ernie?

I'd usually agree, but it's a decent compromise in your situation, as your husband wants the full name and you prefer the nn.

Could you try the named together website? We couldn't agree and only got one name in common, which we used. Wasn't my favourite but it's grown on him and we love it . Incidentally it's Francis nn Frank. X

Why don't you post a picture of him, we can all suggest 3 names, and you and DH can see if there are any you like?

I'll go first without a picture:

1. Theodore
2. Felix
3. Caspar

Aiden is a lovely name and it matters not a jot if the family friend is called that too. My son is named after my work colleague (he’s not but I like the name). We share the same surname even 🤣 I like the name so I don’t care and neither will my son 🤷‍♀️

However if you don’t like the name that’s a whole other problem obviously!

I wasnt keep on ds2's name dp suggested it and DS1 latched on saying it was his brothers name we couldn't agree so just went with it since ds1 loved it. It's not just his name and suits him.

You will both just get used to it.

The problem with you just throwing out names that you'd be 'happy' with is you'll end up with a name that neither of you love.

I disagree with this - that’s exactly what compromise is about and what most people know they have to do - if everyone was so set on a name they loved rather than what they just liked hardly any children would end up with a bloody name. It’s a baby you have made together, not your own doll. This is what’s put the poster and her partner in this situation in the first place - ‘I love this name’ ‘but I love this name’, ‘here’s my list’ ‘but I don’t love what’s on your list, look at my seperate list’ - we all grow up having names we love in mind for our future children, and then when you are grown up and have made one you realise it’s not just your decision, unless the other parent isn’t in the picture.

I may be wrong but i think it's 6 weeks deadline to register the baby's birth and you have up to a year to choose a name.

I think that you need to take the pressure off choosing a name and spend time with your baby. A name will come to you.

Heh, I'd say you're just as stubborn and fixed in your ideas as your DH.

The obvious compromise of Ernest and the natural calling of the child Ernie, you won't have a bar of . it's barely a compromise. Give your head a wobble.

Print out two copies a list of 300 baby names from somewhere.You each take a copy.Highlight a third in green (like), orange (OK), red (veto).Then compare.If you have any that are both green then repeat again from that list going 1/3, 1/3 1/3 If not then take all the green-orange or orange-orange and repeat.

I can recommend this method.

It is how we choose our dogs' names.

You'll be watching TV one night and hear a name and it'll be the one! Stop stressing or you'll rush into one and regret it.

Both the ones I chose exploded in popularity around the same time and I never would've guessed... I still love them though and don't understand the whole "the name I chose is so rare, they're the only one for miles around".... what's so good about that?!

How about Nye?
Neat Welsh name, easy to pronounce.

I like Hywel and have taught a couple (pronounced Howell).
Am just waiting for the Ernies, Berts and Seths to come through to high school. Love the old names! We have a Teddy at the moment and it suits him 🙂

@category12 I don't see how. I've suggested many many more names, those that I like, think are OK and would consider and those that I love. He has suggested a few he loves and won't suggest any more meaning we are at a stalemate. I can keep suggesting new names but he is refusing to consider anything not on his list, even putting Ernie when he wants Ernest! Clearly that's more inflexible than I'll being...

I'm reluctant to post a photo but tbh, if anyone I know is reading this they'll prob already know its me from the list of names I love as I've been talking about it to everyone 😂

The problem is if you cave in and go with Ernest with the idea of using Ernie, will your DH then be “correcting” you all the time? That would get annoying very quickly! Also the child may not like his name being shortened. I have a name that can be shortened and I hate people doing that and always introduce myself by my full first name. I think it’s better to find one you can both agree on. Though how you do that I don’t know!

I don't subscribe to the "I was pregnant so I decide" on baby names I'm afraid

I do. Especially when you’re offering compromises and he’s not.

I like the idea of making a list and whittling it down though.

I don't see how Of course you don't see it - that's the problem - neither of you do.

If you agree Ernest, you'll end up using Ernie. And at least having the full name gives the child a choice later.

Lewis is not the same as Louis. The people that pronounce them the same are wrong! But never mind .

They aren't pronounced the same, I know, but they are so similar as to be silly sounding given they are close cousins.

I've already said I'll consider Ernest nn Ernie in order to break the stalemate but that is me making all the compromise and him getting Ernest as he wants it on the BC! As @Meruem says, it may backfire if Ernie wants Ernest and my husband tells everyone not to shorten it.

I'm taking a break from thinking about it! Unfortunately I'm awake all night feeding him and it's on my mind. My husband gets to sleep all night in the spare room so gets rest from thinking about names 😴

It all sounds very complicated. Just call him John, or Merlin.

DD: dh preferred imogen, I preferred Isabel. We compromised.

DS: dh preferred Hugo, I prferred Henry. We compromised.

@category12 so the rest of my response where I consider the steps I've taken to compromise - you don't think I am?

I suggested John @OhTheRoses. It got a no.

YANBU.
Maybe its unreasonable of me but I'm putting all the effort into making this person so I wouldn't accept my partner demanding a name that I didnt like. Babys already getting partners last name, so I reserve the right to final veto on first names.
I suggest you scrap all the names, since you cant agree on any, and sit down with a baby name book until you find one you both like.
Your child is going to have this name forever, so dont be brow beaten into something you don't like!

I was mostly amused by your rationalisation of why you don't want the full name on the birth certifcate.

Your dh won't prevail against the kids at school and the child himself. Let's face it, you're most likely to introduce Ernie socially and at nursery and school etc.

It was in response to someone saying they didn't understand putting nn on birth certificates. I replied I didn't understand putting full names when you want a nn. 🤷‍♂️ I'm not sure that means I'm not being flexible

Don't you dare agree to a name you don't love.

He sounds a stubborn fucker and needs to come up with other options.
Is he like this over everything? Grind you down so you give in?

Go with Aiden and make family friend change his name?