Can't agree on name for baby: aibu?

[NoGuarantee]

Baby is a week old. Throughout the pregnancy, I would try to talk to my husband about names, made a long list but we both knew we would want to meet the baby before agreeing on the name (we did the same with our daughter and realised that when born, to us, she didn't 'suit' the names we had shortlisted).

So baby is born, I let my husband know the names I think suit the baby and ask what he thinks. He says no to them all. Doesn't hugely elaborate why. I ask him for names he likes. He tells me two which I don't like, although I did say I'd compromise on the spelling for 1 (he wanted the traditional Welsh spelling despite the fact we have no connection to Wales in the slightest which I though would be a bit odd!) and the other I didn't like the 'full' name but would have compromised on the nickname being on the birth cert. Husband said no to nickname and alternative spelling.

I then sent a list of a new 5 names I liked and husband turns them all down, again, no real explanation why. He just says 'no, don't like them'. They are not out there or younique, or too American or anything weird. Think William, Bertie, Frank kind of thing.

Husband supplies list of 5 names which I also don't like. There are two names on there which I don't mind but one is very similar to my nephew (Lewis and Louis) and another is an old friend of the family so I feel it's like naming the baby after someone that we don't have a close enough relationship with. The other 2 names are the two I mentioned earlier (that ive offered compromises for) and a fifth name that I just don't actually like (Tristram).

So, my aibu. I grew this bloody baby for 9 months, put my back and hips out carrying him around commuting 3 hours a day (he weighed 10lb 6oz when born!), went through the labour and birth, am up all night breastfeeding him... AIBU to just demand one of my bloody names?

I know I am. I don't want a name for my baby that I don't like. Why should the dad have a name he doesn't like. But also... Why can't he just like one of my bloody suggestions or accept the compromise?

Help. Please don't reply with more names - there is not a name out there we haven't discussed.

I've sent him a new list of 5 I'd be happy with. Think Charlie, Freddie, Arthur... Type names.

Yabu: you need to keep going and find fresh names you can agree on

YANBU: try to persuade husband to agree to my favourite name based on the fact I'm the mum.

Elizabeth isn't an awful or boring name.

Just remember that you are naming a person. A baby will only be a baby for a short time, but will spend about 12 years at school, and about 60 years as an adult.

It took me and my DH 6 weeks to name our second. We literally had to ask for an extension Keep going. Either you’ll eventually find one you both like or your DH will get so worn down he just agrees to one of yours, just to put you both out of your misery!

I really don't understand this need for some flexibility. Loads of names don't have any flexibility. Should people just not call their children Paul or Sarah or Daisy because they won't be able to choose a different version of the name later on?

It's just weird. There is no reason why Ernie cannot become whatever he wants to be as Ernie. And, if he feels strongly about it, there's absolutely nothing stopping him deciding to be known professionally as Ernest in the future, whatever his birth certificate says. Why on earth would it only work one way?

Parents name their children and make a choice. That's fine. It's not like the OP wants to call a child something difficult or offensive. It's a perfectly normal name.

In 2050 there will be bloody loads of Ernies and Sams and Alfies in professional jobs, because there are bloody loads of children called that right now. Maybe your own assumptions about names as someone who grew up in a different era just won't be relevant in the least in their adult lives. Cultural preferences change over time.

And people can get really far in life going by a diminutive. You can be prime minister as Tony or Taoiseach as Bertie and no one takes you any less seriously. It makes no difference that their birth certificates say Anthony or Bartholomew because no one calls them that.

There is no reason at all why you should put Ernest or Alfred or Elizabeth if you want to call your child Ernie or Alfie or Libby. It's a totally imagined problem.

My parents went to great lengths to choose names for us that couldn't be shortened. Ironically it is rare that anyone calls me by my actual name as they tend to lengthen it. Same was true for my brother.

I dislike diminutives as first names. My Mum gave me one and I legally changed it to the full version as soon as I could. It’s not that you’re not taken seriously with a diminutive but as an intellectual, I just found it embarrassing.

My brother wasn’t named for around four weeks, he was just known as ‘baby’. My Mum had a solid girls name but was stumped for boys names so frittered between a few before making a solid decision. You have time to both reach an agreement. I understand the frustration though, it took DH and I ages to agree with one another.

Robin!

I love Robin

You didn't like any on his list, so how can you pick a fave to go into the hat? Would this be you compromising again?

I don't suppose either of you has a sister who has a newish kitten with a name you like?

What about Arden? Similar to Aiden

Just handing it to his potential teasers on a plate with that one....

How is it going OP? Does baby have a name yet?

We agreed on a name (from my list) and have been trialling it out but after a day, it hasn't actually felt right calling him it so we are going to trial another name tomorrow from my list. If that one doesn't stick, we are going to have to go back to the drawing board and go through a book of 1001 baby names together I think!

I'm really pleased he agreed to trial names on my list though. Neither are my fav name though! 😂

It sounds to me that Ernest is the obvious one, because you know he will be known as Ernie. Win-win.

And do it soon- you can't have an anonymous baby!

What did you call him @NoGuarantee??

I love Aiden and Ernest (Ernie for short).

Anyway update? Which name did you choose?