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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can't agree on name for baby: aibu?

243 replies

NoGuarantee · 07/12/2019 07:55

Baby is a week old. Throughout the pregnancy, I would try to talk to my husband about names, made a long list but we both knew we would want to meet the baby before agreeing on the name (we did the same with our daughter and realised that when born, to us, she didn't 'suit' the names we had shortlisted).

So baby is born, I let my husband know the names I think suit the baby and ask what he thinks. He says no to them all. Doesn't hugely elaborate why. I ask him for names he likes. He tells me two which I don't like, although I did say I'd compromise on the spelling for 1 (he wanted the traditional Welsh spelling despite the fact we have no connection to Wales in the slightest which I though would be a bit odd!) and the other I didn't like the 'full' name but would have compromised on the nickname being on the birth cert. Husband said no to nickname and alternative spelling.

I then sent a list of a new 5 names I liked and husband turns them all down, again, no real explanation why. He just says 'no, don't like them'. They are not out there or younique, or too American or anything weird. Think William, Bertie, Frank kind of thing.

Husband supplies list of 5 names which I also don't like. There are two names on there which I don't mind but one is very similar to my nephew (Lewis and Louis) and another is an old friend of the family so I feel it's like naming the baby after someone that we don't have a close enough relationship with. The other 2 names are the two I mentioned earlier (that ive offered compromises for) and a fifth name that I just don't actually like (Tristram).

So, my aibu. I grew this bloody baby for 9 months, put my back and hips out carrying him around commuting 3 hours a day (he weighed 10lb 6oz when born!), went through the labour and birth, am up all night breastfeeding him... AIBU to just demand one of my bloody names?

I know I am. I don't want a name for my baby that I don't like. Why should the dad have a name he doesn't like. But also... Why can't he just like one of my bloody suggestions or accept the compromise?

Help. Please don't reply with more names - there is not a name out there we haven't discussed.

I've sent him a new list of 5 I'd be happy with. Think Charlie, Freddie, Arthur... Type names.

Yabu: you need to keep going and find fresh names you can agree on

YANBU: try to persuade husband to agree to my favourite name based on the fact I'm the mum.

OP posts:
TheGrandHighWitch · 07/12/2019 16:43

If you turned round to him and say that you don't like his 5 and won't consider them, what would he suggest then do you think?

It does sound like he is rejecting all of your ideas in the hope that you'll 'compromise' and go with one of his but surely if you put your foot down and be just as stubborn as him about it and reject his ideas then he'll have to come up with an alternative?

Cherrysoup · 07/12/2019 19:09

He’s rejecting your choices outright, so do the same to him. Tell him he has to come back with ten totally different names.

If you like Earnie, tho and he likes Ernest, then I don’t see the issue.

MikeUniformMike · 07/12/2019 19:38

I would avoid Ernie because of all the Earnies and Earnests mentioned on here.

Aidan/Aiden isn't Welsh, Haydn is.

How about Winston?

AlexanderHalexander · 07/12/2019 19:47

His names are all awful OP, don't go for any.

Say, just like he has ruled out your top 5, you are ruling out his top 5. Done. Not going to be one of those names.

Now both go away and come up with a completely new top 5, and compare. If he doesnt, then you are going to start calling him Rafe Wink

sebanna · 07/12/2019 20:45

You and your partner both write out your favourite name from each other's top five. Place the names in a hat and pull one out. The name pulled out becomes your baby's name.

TriciaH87 · 07/12/2019 23:18

I suggest if you really can't decide you get two hats you each put the names you like in your own hat, switch hats then pull one out. So you pick one of his and he one of yours then you either see which order sounds best of toss a coin to decide. You each get one veto if you really detest the name. Else you tell him you like the name but it must be spelt your way. Then point out its still his choice just your spelling would be less hassle at school

Daisydoola · 07/12/2019 23:33

He's got some strange taste hasn't he? Tristram is a shocker.

I wouldn't know how to pronounce Hywell but what about Howard?

Lewis isn't to my taste but I like Luca

You seem to like quite unusual names;

Dennis? Vinnie? Wilf? Atticus? Heathcliff? Griffin? Jolyon?

Alwaysoverthinkingit34 · 07/12/2019 23:44

We were stuck between 3 names. After a week we agreed on a name (his top choice, my second). The reason for him wanting this name... because he could imagine himself at the side line of a football pitch shouting his son on... “come on NAME, you got this!!”

That was his actual only reason haha. Luckily it’s a Scottish name and I am Scottish so there was still a connection.

(Logan) other names were jack and Harrison in case anyone wants to know!

My advice would be to give it a few more days :)

Savingshoes · 07/12/2019 23:55

The child will have his name - his surname. You also changed your surname when you got married.
So you chose the first name and he gets choice of a middle name.
Hope the painful stitches have eased and those nips are baring up. Xmas Wink

Cryalot2 · 08/12/2019 00:19

He seems to want his choice only which is not nice.
Not that I am one to talk .I called our son his first name dh preferred something I hated, other name was after dh
When dd was born dh named her. Not my choice .
Both are adults love their names.
I like Chester, Woody Gethin David Lawrence Anton .
Hoping you find something soon .

SE13Mummy · 08/12/2019 00:42

I know a Hywel who tends to introduce himself by saying, "I'm Hywel but it's too hard for most people to say so call me X". We're not in Wales so he spends a lot of time doing this.

If you like Ernie and he likes Ernest, start replying to the enquiring texts with 'probably Ernest...' Your DH won't be able to stop you calling DS Ernie and having Ernest as the official name gives DS options in the future. Both my DDs have the long version of their name on their birth certificates but are usually known by an abbreviated form. We deliberately chose names with multiple nicknames so they could go by something different when they were older should they want to.

Buttercup54321 · 08/12/2019 00:51

Wyndham. Bet you havent considered that one.

DistanceCall · 08/12/2019 09:18

Not choosing a name because it's too similar to a cousin's is a bit absurd, IMO. I know lots of cousins who have the same names (think John, Jack, etc.)

And no, you don't get to name your child on your own. He contributed too (and will contribute throughout the child's life).

Fr0g · 08/12/2019 09:25

there's another thread about children's names running currently.
What is your sister's cat called?

HJWT · 08/12/2019 09:40

I don't agree that because you gave birth to him etc you get to pick the name! I had a big baby and almost died giving birth to him but that didn't give me the right to give him a name DH did not like...

But at the same time I don't think you should feel pressured into having a name you don't like because your husband is being a stubborn prick and hoping that if he keep pressuring you and pushing the same names you will cave and pick one of his! What the f..k is Tristram !?

MikeUniformMike · 08/12/2019 11:48

I like Dennis too.

anxioussue · 08/12/2019 11:57

Just call him Balonz

Hatscarfandgloves · 08/12/2019 12:14

Ernest on the BC with Ernie as a NN seems the obvious place to go. I personally really dislike NNs on a BC. I have a long name on my birth certificate that no one ever calls me but that I use professionally (imagine I'm a teacher so get Mrs Smith all the time but on the paperwork I'm Ms Jennifer Smith. But everyone I know calls me Jen. But it separates things out so children might know my name is Jennifer but they don't know I'm Jen iyswim. I love that separation even if it doesn't sound a big deal).
I really like Hywel (but I'm Welsh). How about Huw? I love that even more and it sounds as though you prefer shorter names.
I don't see that it's a big deal having a friend with the same name. But names I think fit with Aiden would be Austen/Austin, Caleb, Cameron, Ellis... Do any of those suit?

GeneParmesanPrivateEye · 08/12/2019 12:17

Vinnie
Albie (Albert?)
Wilf

No way should you just accept a name you don't like. I'm not saying people shouldn't compromise, but I'm 100% in the camp that says the person going through pregnancy/labour/breastfeeding etc should at least get a final say.

holidayhelpp · 08/12/2019 12:29

Surely in situations where neither parent can agree, one has to give in- and it should NOT be the one who’s endured pregnancy, birth and the nurturing of a newborn?!

Especially if little one also has dads surname 🙄

mygrandchildrenrock · 08/12/2019 12:37

Fr0g Grin

GingleJangleScarecrow · 08/12/2019 14:35

Slightly off topic but is it just me that thinks a shortened/diminutive version of a name (Ernest/Ernie being a perfect example) is a completely different thing to an actual nickname?

Say I have a mate called Dick - his BC says Richard, but Dick is a very common diminutive. It's not his nickname, it's what people call him.

If, on the other hand, we all called him "Chunky" or "BooBoo" or "Dustbin" now those would be nicknames and certainly not something you would consider putting on the birth certificate (probably!).

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/12/2019 18:54

Wyndham. Bet you havent considered that one.

That's considered a very lower-class spelling of the name nowadays. Go for Wymondham - pronounced the same but also allows for an extra choice for him to be known as Mo if he likes.

Just call him Balonz

I think the law should consider all babies to be called Balonz by default - not just those born in Surrey - unless and until an alternative name is registered.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/12/2019 19:00

Slightly off topic but is it just me that thinks a shortened/diminutive version of a name (Ernest/Ernie being a perfect example) is a completely different thing to an actual nickname?

No, it's not just you. Baffles me when famous people are 'outed' by pathetic tabloids and other similar sources when they make the groundbreaking 'discovery' that Bob was actually named Robert at birth or that Ellie is actually Eleanor. Like it's some kind of sinister conspiracy and they're trying to pull the wool over everybody's eyes for nefarious purposes.

MikeUniformMike · 08/12/2019 20:16

Actors often need to change their name because someone else has the same name, so it's not unusual, but I find it quite interesting.
Some use their middle name as a surname, some go for a variation on their name, and some go for something different.