Can't agree on name for baby: aibu?

[NoGuarantee]

Baby is a week old. Throughout the pregnancy, I would try to talk to my husband about names, made a long list but we both knew we would want to meet the baby before agreeing on the name (we did the same with our daughter and realised that when born, to us, she didn't 'suit' the names we had shortlisted).

So baby is born, I let my husband know the names I think suit the baby and ask what he thinks. He says no to them all. Doesn't hugely elaborate why. I ask him for names he likes. He tells me two which I don't like, although I did say I'd compromise on the spelling for 1 (he wanted the traditional Welsh spelling despite the fact we have no connection to Wales in the slightest which I though would be a bit odd!) and the other I didn't like the 'full' name but would have compromised on the nickname being on the birth cert. Husband said no to nickname and alternative spelling.

I then sent a list of a new 5 names I liked and husband turns them all down, again, no real explanation why. He just says 'no, don't like them'. They are not out there or younique, or too American or anything weird. Think William, Bertie, Frank kind of thing.

Husband supplies list of 5 names which I also don't like. There are two names on there which I don't mind but one is very similar to my nephew (Lewis and Louis) and another is an old friend of the family so I feel it's like naming the baby after someone that we don't have a close enough relationship with. The other 2 names are the two I mentioned earlier (that ive offered compromises for) and a fifth name that I just don't actually like (Tristram).

So, my aibu. I grew this bloody baby for 9 months, put my back and hips out carrying him around commuting 3 hours a day (he weighed 10lb 6oz when born!), went through the labour and birth, am up all night breastfeeding him... AIBU to just demand one of my bloody names?

I know I am. I don't want a name for my baby that I don't like. Why should the dad have a name he doesn't like. But also... Why can't he just like one of my bloody suggestions or accept the compromise?

Help. Please don't reply with more names - there is not a name out there we haven't discussed.

I've sent him a new list of 5 I'd be happy with. Think Charlie, Freddie, Arthur... Type names.

Yabu: you need to keep going and find fresh names you can agree on

YANBU: try to persuade husband to agree to my favourite name based on the fact I'm the mum.

Tristram just looks like you can’t spell Tristan to me.
I won my war twice.. first time I just announced his name like yes and what, dp picked his middle name. Number two we sat through names I liked more alternative names.. nothing too wild but not Robert or William, he liked more traditional names. He picked the full version of one I’d suggested the short.. so far he believes I can’t pronounce the full name so we’re using the shortened one .

If you do like Ernest, just call him Ernie.. dh can’t stop you he’s a baby I call ds1 dinky egg half the day.. he seems happy so far and I obviously won’t register him at school like that

Sounds like DH is running the clock down by refusing to engage in a discussion. With that sort of attitude, I’d be soooo tempted to just announce and register my own first choice if it came to it (is it 3 weeks you have to register?). Which would be manipulative and crap as both parents should have a hand in naming a baby IMO but the baby needs a name and DH needs a kick up the bum by the sounds of things.
Whatever happens, after 9 months of pregnancy and then the joys of labour and the post partum mess your body is in, what mother wants weeks of agonising and trying to reason with a stubborn man?

Not keen at all on Hywel 😬

Theodore for Ted/Teddy is lovely. Would he go for Theodore?

I would absolutely demand priority in naming having given birth. I think it’s the least a man can do. Why should he only do the fun bits? The kinder app also sounds good.

If you like Herbert and he likes Ernest, I think both of you should be banned from naming the baby!

I think part of the problem is that you think you’re being more reasonable, because you’re offering up compromise ‘versions’ - but you’re not, Tristan is not Tristram, Hal is certainly not Hywell! Lewis is not Louis, so if it were him posting - I’d say you were being awkward too!

I actually think his approach is correct - only suggest names you really want.

I’d drop it for 3 days. You should both make a written note of possibilities, but not discuss.

I'm really not a fan of nicknames on the BC. My DCs are called by their nicknames, but have the full version on the BC.

I think Lewis with a cousin Louis (Loo-ie?) Is fine. My Dsis names her DC a name that rhymes with my DC and it's fine.

If you like Ernie, I think you could compromise on Ernest on the BC. I'm not keen on either.

The 5 you would be ok with; is DH ok with those? I like Rory.

Is your dh always this stubborn and awkward?
Why didn't you discuss names regularly were pregnant?
I think I'd do the list thing or draw from a hat but make sure you enter all the names!!!!

As a teacher I would like to say that what you call your child is REALLY important for their whole future.
Naming your child some made up name that appeals to you can have dire consequences so they are bullied in the future ,or their initials or name shortened to something rude.
Please choose a normal first name and a “different”middle name , If you must, so they can choose it if they want later.
Maybe you put x next to the baby names you like and he puts a y next to the ones he likes in the Baby name book and you can see if any are shared, then see if it fits your baby.

Don’t forget , you will say that name, or shortened versions, a million times in your lifetime, So will they, so it is important you both like it and avoid slips.

Nobody thought that calling a girl Jennifer Taylor would cause problems until they did sex ed and everyone called her Genitalia for the rest of her school life!
Beware!
Choose carefully!!!

Maybe Raphael nn Raffy could stick? TBH you could say “Since we can’t agree I think we should try Raffy today, and Rory tomorrow (or whatever), and another name the next day, and see what suits him that way”.

I'd suggest you don't go for a Welsh name if you have no Welsh heritage. The cultural appropriation conversation is already moving to names and it could end up being a hassle.

Ernest sounds like it could work for you. How can your DH ban nicknames?! His friends will probably call him Ernie within a week of starting school!

Lovely, I really feel for you. Haven't RTFT, but just want to remind you that you have 6 weeks to agree on something, so just pick a nice something for now (Bumble, Poppet, anything), and relax into a long game of atrition.
DP was adamant DD2 should be Melody, and I did what you have been doing, proposing lots of other suggestions, hoping he'd bite. Finally, 6 weeks later, we arrived for our registration appointment, still undecided. DP cracked, said he'd be happy with my 1st choice as long as he got to pick middle name and I would agree to no 3rd name.
It may seem like a big deal now, but both my DC were un-named for weeks and it's not something I ever think about now. In fact, resisting the urge to name so quickly, enabled us to just connect with the mystical nameless 'essence' of the babies, that which goes beyond name and identity. As soon as you assign a name to a baby, the projection of identity strengthens and with it, the illusory duality of separation.

Go for Earnest and just call him Earnie! Everyone else will anyway!

I think that as I have called my child [firstname] [DH surname] that, in the event we could not agree on a first name, I should get the final say.

Haydn? It's a mix of a lot of your husband's choices.

Or I'd go with Ernest on the BC, with your choice for a mn. Ernest William would be lovely and then you call him Ernie.

I'm not a fan of putting a full name on a birth certificate that will never get used, just so parents can use a nickname all their lives... I never have! Have no idea why people do that. If we are going to call him Ernie, why put Ernest on the birth cert and not just Ernie?

Not sure which of my names are 'made up' @HP57

@Ellisandra Herbert is a lovely name, and was my Granddad's.

@Youseethethingis - it's 6 weeks, so potentially another 5 weeks of this shit to go!

We need a break, I agree. I'm just going to ignore it for the next month I think. Can't cope with recovering physically and emotionally as well as being drained about names! Too much rn 😭

When I say not a fan of putting full names on the cert, I will consider it as a compromise but Ernie is sweet and I'm not sure about Ernest!

Got to be honest re Ernie... He’s going to get Bert and Ernie, isn’t he?

I actually do think the mother gets more of a say. She grew the baby, risked her health, gave birth, will most likely do the vast majority of care, especially over the first year...meanwhile most men assume the baby will get their last name, just because they have a penis, and 9 out of 10 times they do!

OP stick to your guns, don’t let him steamroll you into a name you don’t like. Ask him why he thinks it’s fair that after all you’ve been through to bring the baby into the world, he gets to pick both the first AND last name? And if he says he’s the father, he gets just as much say, will he also apply that logic to doing 50% of night feeds, nappy changes, bed times etc? Rights come with responsibilities after all.

@FloraGreysteel Aibu- pronounced Aybue. I'm waiting for someone to name their child this 😂😂😂

I'm not a fan of putting a full name on a birth certificate that will never get used, just so parents can use a nickname all their lives.

Because it lets the child have more choice when they are older. It's easier to shorten a name than it is to lengthen it. You don't know that it will never get used. A friend of mine decided when she had her first graduate job that she was going to use her full name for work rather than the shortened form she'd been called all her life.

Earnest is cute and so is Ernie- full name for BC I'd say

I'd say go for Rory, but that's because it's my DS's name

Trying to think of Welsh names you haven't mentioned and I have two male friends who are both welsh: Brynley (Bryn is what he gets called) and Matthew if they are any use for compromises?!

Yes the reason why parents give more formal names even though they will use a nickname at home is because the child won’t always be a child. Lots of people prefer to use a formal name in their career, even if they are known by a nickname in the family.

I'd cross Herbert off your list because of Herbert the Pervert (family guy)