AIBU to leave for one bad night

[Sherrybabyy]

Fiancé and I went to the pub for dinner last night. I was driving so he had a few beers before the meal at the bar. However he ended up absolutely pissed.

He tried to order another beer and they refused to serve him any more. At this point, he started shouting and swearing at the girl behind the bar, banging his fists on the bar asking ‘why won’t you fucking serve me?! It’s a fucking joke’. I have never seen him so angry. His whole body language changed, he looked aggressive- chest puffed out, shoulders back etc.

He ended up being told to leave by the manager who my fiancé accused of touching me inappropriately out of absolutely nowhere. He squared up to him, almost toe to toe, pointed a finger in this poor man’s face and shouted ‘did you fucking touch my wife?’. He then looked at me at yelled ‘did he fucking touch you?’ In front of the whole restaurant. I have never in my life been so mortified and disgusted by his behaviour.

On the way to the car, he was sick twice in the car park and sick all over himself and my car on the way home.

He doesn’t understand why I’m so angry at him. He left for work today feeling sorry for himself, trying to apologise. He said as he was stepping out the door ‘we could’ve stayed longer, I just needed to be sick’

All that from a 31 year old man.

So convienient he can’t remember. Off course he can - how many beers did he have?
He’s not sorry or ashamed. He threatened a stranger and was looking for a fight.
How is he usually with drink?
You aren’t his wife - it’s an odd thing to say.
Think twice about this one OP.

So you are already walking on eggshells around him? Avoiding or changing anecdotes because of his sulking and controlling behaviour.

He has previously raised a fist at you to give you a "clip around the ear"?

And now he has been an angry drunk, verbally abusing bar staff, throwing up everywhere and showing no remorse?

Get out while you can

Even if he was stressed that’s not a good excuse for any of his behaviour. He sounds violent and jealous besides getting so drunk and refusing to stop drinking on an empty stomach. None of this will be an isolated incident. I would finish the relationship.

Sorry that should have said, don't marry him.

Since your last update, which is very worrying, I would say run for the hills while you can and definitely don't marry him. He is controlling and abusive. If you stay with him, he will get worse once you are married. Men like this always do.

You need to ask yourself 'could I live with this if it becomes the norm?' because you can bet your bottom dollar that over time it will start happening more and more. Personally I couldn't, but I have a lot of self respect and wouldn't put up with that shit from anyone more than once.

I just subconsciously do it because it’s not worth his sulking. It makes me feel bad and makes me feel like I have stuff to hide or like I’m being shifty but I have to remind myself that it’s for the best and not worth the hassle of telling the truth.

Adding the recent episode, the time when he raised his fist to you and the above together.....

Mystic Sevenstones predicts that he's holding off till you're married. Then, when he's got you trapped, this will escalate into full on control and abuse.

How would you feel if the same thing happened during your wedding reception?

He is extremely aggressive and possessive when drunk. He has also previously threatened to hit you around the head, and you have to be careful not to mention any men during normal conversations so he doesn't get annoyed.

At some point in the future he will decide that it is somehow your fault that he behaves like this.

Please don't marry this person.

A clip round the ear? Who the fuck does he think he's talking to?

This guy is a total fucknut. Violent, unpredictable, a drunk. He sees you as something between a child and a domestic appliance. Thank your lucky stars you found out before the wedding. And be very careful how you leave - men like him are at their most dangerous when they know you're breaking away.

There are two results if you get drunk, one you end up violent and two you end up vulnerable. the problem is not so much his aggresive behaviour, but drinking to excess. You cannot be charged with an offence until you are sober because you are not responsible. Up to you if you feel he's a danger and will drink to excess again, especially if he takes no notice of you telling him he's had enough. If he is normally a docile and reasoned man when sober, then dont base it on bad night.

@Singlenotsingle
You have to be very careful who you have babies with. If he's a violent drunk, any boy children are likely to take after him.

Wtf? What a load of rubbish. Why not girl children?

Keep thinking and I bet you'll come up with more ways you modify your behaviour so as not to make him angry / sulk. He is already controlling you and making you walk on eggshells so as not to upset him.

It won't get better. Being drunk is no excuse for aggression and violence and not being able to remember it next day (if true) is not exactly a good sign either. It just means he's less likely to regret it because he doesn't actually remember what he did.

LTB.

Get out. Trust me this will happen again

This would really concern me. I ve been married about ten yrs. Im seeing marriages in my friendship group come under strain because of alcohol. In all cases.... The signs were there from the beginning.

I would be less concerned if he had awoke shame faced, repentant and questioing his own use of alcohol. But still concerned.

He’s just come into the living room to apologise. Along with the usual ‘this won’t happen again, this is the first time it’s ever happened’ etc

I think you could be storing up trouble for yourself if he behaves like this, that combined with the clip around the ear statement are setting alarm bells ringing, how much do you trust him?

If he reacted like that to the debate thing I'd be very concerned at how he will treat his children when he's tired and stressed. Will they be threatened with a clip round the ear?

Children bring out those sorts of hidden attitudes because it can be so very hard.

@Sherrybabyy please tell me you don't believe him.

Along with the usual ‘this won’t happen again, this is the first time it’s ever happened’ etc

The usual? So other things have happened before?

He's minimising and not actually sorry. He's only apologising so you will "get over it" and move on.

It is very convenient bollocks he can't remember his abusive actions.

No matter what bad thing he does whether it’s something minor or massive, he thinks the cure all is ‘this has never happened before’

Please run. It will only get worse. Especially at stages in your life when it would be hard to leave, like if you had a child.

He is really bad news OP. Don't fall for his crap.

Sweet Jesus... Ive jst read your updates. I think this is my very first time saying this. Ltb!!!!!

It sounds as tho you are at the stage of life where things are at their easiest. There WILL be bumpier times ahead. If u decide to have kids.... Well.... It doesnt bring you closer together. In fact, domestic violence increases dramatically. In a lot of cases pregnancy will be the first time a man becomes violent. I know you ve committed 8 yrs to this guy. BUT if you were my friend, i d be advising you to really really think!

I would be out of there. Don't trust him never to behave like that again.

How convenient that he can't remember! Apologies or no apologies, I would be out of there. OP . You are already modifying your reactions. This is called walking on eggshells. The last thing you should be doing is marrying him.