Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to leave for one bad night

472 replies

Sherrybabyy · 06/12/2019 16:52

Fiancé and I went to the pub for dinner last night. I was driving so he had a few beers before the meal at the bar. However he ended up absolutely pissed.

He tried to order another beer and they refused to serve him any more. At this point, he started shouting and swearing at the girl behind the bar, banging his fists on the bar asking ‘why won’t you fucking serve me?! It’s a fucking joke’. I have never seen him so angry. His whole body language changed, he looked aggressive- chest puffed out, shoulders back etc.

He ended up being told to leave by the manager who my fiancé accused of touching me inappropriately out of absolutely nowhere. He squared up to him, almost toe to toe, pointed a finger in this poor man’s face and shouted ‘did you fucking touch my wife?’. He then looked at me at yelled ‘did he fucking touch you?’ In front of the whole restaurant. I have never in my life been so mortified and disgusted by his behaviour.

On the way to the car, he was sick twice in the car park and sick all over himself and my car on the way home.

He doesn’t understand why I’m so angry at him. He left for work today feeling sorry for himself, trying to apologise. He said as he was stepping out the door ‘we could’ve stayed longer, I just needed to be sick’

All that from a 31 year old man.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 06/12/2019 17:17

I would dump. Because he doesn't see the problem. He's not abjectly embarrassed and apologetic, either to you, to the restauranteurs (sp), or to the other patrons.

It might be the first time you've seen this behaviour, this doesn't mean it's a one off, and I'd be very surprised if it doesn't happen again. And again. And again.

Countryescape · 06/12/2019 17:22

So it’s actually twice he’s behaved poorly then. It isn’t funny to threaten to clip someone around the ears. At minimum he would need to apologise profusely,go back and apologise to the poor bar staff and get himself into individual counseling and you guys go as a couple. If he didn’t, I’d be out of there.

diddl · 06/12/2019 17:23

I'd dump him.

"We could have stayed longer, I just needed to be sick"

How utterly revolting.

Plus the fact that he doesn't understand.

Lifeisabeach09 · 06/12/2019 17:23

Habitual behaviour, LTB. One off, stay.

minmooch · 06/12/2019 17:23

That's twice you've seen him aggressive. No I wouldn't put up with this and I would not want to marry this man.

Listened your instincts as they are rarely wrong.

Sorry this is happening to you.

81Byerley · 06/12/2019 17:24

@Sirzy I agree with you!

mbosnz · 06/12/2019 17:25

Also, I find it interesting he referred to you as his wife, when you say you are his fiance. I wonder if in his mind, it's a done deal, and he thinks he can relax into his true self?

diddl · 06/12/2019 17:26

"Habitual behaviour, LTB. One off, stay."

Doesn't habitual start as a one off that is let slip?

You deserve better, Op.

Sherrybabyy · 06/12/2019 17:27

It isn’t funny to threaten to clip someone around the ears
It wasn’t funny and he definitely wasn’t joking either. He did raise his fist as he said it and I burst into tears

OP posts:
81Byerley · 06/12/2019 17:27

I can just imagine your wedding.....

IHateBlueLights · 06/12/2019 17:30

Please leave. It will happen again and again.

Comps83 · 06/12/2019 17:31

How long have you been together?

Sherrybabyy · 06/12/2019 17:32

We’ve been together for 8 years

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 06/12/2019 17:33

Did he show any remorse? Did he clean up his sick and sort out his clothes?

FraglesRock · 06/12/2019 17:34

Did you talk him through what happened.
Did he accept that he was a massive twat.

flouncyfanny · 06/12/2019 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Baguetteaboutit · 06/12/2019 17:34

I'd get out before you tether yourself to this car crash.

InACheeseAndPickle · 06/12/2019 17:36

He doesn’t understand why I’m so angry at him.

I'd be even more concerned by this. I wouldn't be marrying him until he got serious help with alcohol. The fact that he doesn't see it as a big problem is concerning as even if he did get help he might just be going through the motions to get you to stay then go straight back to old ways when he gets comfortable again.

Mollychristmas · 06/12/2019 17:37

The more you post OP the more it sends massive red flags!

He doesn’t need to be regularly violent to just flip one day and really do some damage to you. His masked has slipped twice now please don’t let it be worse the next time.
I know it sounds dramatic but women have been murdered by their partners with less warning.

Panpastels · 06/12/2019 17:38

I would be seriously reconsidering this relationship. I had an alcohol problem and stopped drinking a few years ago and I never behaved this badly even on my worst nights!

Gobelinoisawitchescat · 06/12/2019 17:38

How long have you been together? Am just asking as- if a fairly long time, and it’s a one off, it seems odd.

I’ve had a bad night with alcohol before - No idea why. I wouldn’t have expected dh to leave me over it.

Comps83 · 06/12/2019 17:39

Does he actually remember what he did? Or did he get black out drunk and doesn’t realise what he did? This is why I stopped drinking . Not coz I did anything like that but not remembering hours of a night was enough to make me stop .

1Morewineplease · 06/12/2019 17:41

I think this is a warning sign.
Can you imagine what he’d be like at an ‘all drinks free’ do ?

MarieG10 · 06/12/2019 17:42

@Sherrybabyy I predict. You won't throw away 8 years, and will stay and get married. Then want you will see if that behaviour when he isn't drunk and then you end up living with it

Red flag...you are lucky you have seen him for what he is.

Leave him....he will plead and undying love but you know what he is really like

Comps83 · 06/12/2019 17:43

@Gobelinoisawitchescat I was going to say something along those lines too. Dh and I have both had our moments with drink (his have been that bad)
I’d sit him down and ask him what he remembers and tell him how utterly out of order it was and see what his reaction is before you make any relationship ending decisions

Swipe left for the next trending thread