To feel uncomfortable at dh's porn preferences

[exhaustedisanunderstatement]

Name change for obvious reasons So been with DH 6 years 2 children. We have an average sex life maybe once a week as children are so young and I know DH watches porn always has done which I have no problem with.

I recently discovered on dh's Reddit that he has been viewing tons of transgender porn. Maybe 80% that and 20% normal porn.

I have no problem with that it itself as people have prefences and He told me about it off his own back, I asked him if he could be bisexual and he got very defensive and said that he wasn't and wasn't going to watch it again which i said was up to him.

He was recently showing me something on his phone and closed the app and there was tons and tons of trans porn again in his files dating from the same day. I just brushed it off again but it makes me feel uneasy. I don't care if he's bisexual but the defensiveness and saying he wouldn't do anything makes me feel a bit weird about the whole thing.

@Hellofromtheotherside2020 thanks that's really helpful I'll give it a read

There is absolutely nothing odd or abnormal about a 1 year old still breastfeeding through the night. Jesus!

I wouldn't bother reading that article. It's crap.

I don't know why everyone's skirting round it, if a man is attracted to someone with a dick he is gay or at least bi. He's not attracted to a "transwoman" he's attracted to a man with a wig.

Sometimes I like the idea of my partner having sex with another women, that doesn't mean its something i'm actually interested in in real life, it's a private sexual fantasy. I also like to fantasise about being with a woman sometimes but I know i'm 100% straight as i've tried being with a women when I was younger and it was kinda gross for me.

I wouldn't assume he was bisexual just cus hes looking at trans porn, it's just something he's found that turns him on, maybe its the tabooness of it, a dirty thing that he likes to fantasise about, doesn't mean he's bi and he's just getting defensive because it is a sensitive topic, if he's already told you he's not bi then stop hassling him about it, just ask him what it is that he finds so attractive about it, open up the dialogue in a safe way for him where he doesn't feel like you're 'attacking' him or his sexuality.

The more on the attack you are about this the more likely he is to just shut you even further out of his private life and then you'll never know and it'll always be bugging you.

ghostoast
I thought the article was interesting. It didn't come to the conclusion that all the men interested in this genre of porn were gay either - there were several different reasons.

@NekoShiro yeah I agree with you. I wasn't going to focus on the genre or his sexuality just the quantity and whether it's effecting our relationship I think. And then maybe if there's no change then ask about the genre. I'm not worried that he's gay because I know he's not and I'm not really fussed if he's bi

It's clearly far more complex then than @Ghostoast several posters' personal experiences in this thread confirm it

If the father of 2 one year olds has the energy to stay up late wanking to porn he's not doing enough to help you OP.
Change the wifi password and tell the dirty fucker to pack it in.
Also, it worries me so many people saying that "the taboo" is appealing. Very little seems taboo these days so where does that path take us?
I'm with the poster who remembers porn being top shelf mags, and I am slightly bewildered by what seems to be acceptable these days. Although I am clearly still young and vibrant and not a dinasoar.

Totally agree with IfNot !

@NotTonightJosepheen yes but as I stated she doesn't feed to feed, she feeds for comfort and sleeps in my bed with me. Multiple times she will wake crying with discomfort so I breastfeed her back to sleep. Sometimes she's crying in her sleep and sometimes screaming awake I'm. I don't even know what you're trying to insinuate. That I don't breastfeed? Or that im depriving my child of food? Bit weird either way to be that hung up on a passing comment

I think a lot of people (men and women), have, less than normal' (but that would make it normal - go figure) sexual fantasies. But that's all it is, a fantasy. I have some I'd never tell anyone about as I'd be embarrassed and I know I'd never like to experience it in real life, but it's a great fantasy.

I had similar the other day with my dh. I found his porn history and was quite shocked at his tastes. I know in real life he'd not want to act it out, but it obviously pushes his buttons as a fantasy. I felt a bit weird about it when I found out but I've put it down to that and I'll let him get on with it and not mention anything .

Also, it worries me so many people saying that "the taboo" is appealing. Very little seems taboo these days so where does that path take us?

AGP men acting out their fetish in real life and trying to force everyone else to take part in their delusion they're female, that's where.

When the wheels fall off the trans juggernaut, which they will, eventually, I hope we'll start to be able to have a grown up conversation about how the media we consume effects us.

Wanking to a specific genre of porn, obsessively, will change your neural pathways.

But, we live in a consumer society and are trained not to stand in the way of other people's consumer choices, I guess.

@NotTonightJosepheen my child is fully being looked after and under appropriate medical care from professionals thankyou. Medication is not appropriate on a long term basis at the moment but will be at a later date. I'm not entertaining you any more

@NotTonightJosepheen you are derailing the thread. The OP didn’t come in here asking about whether she should still be breastfeeding her babies. Give it a rest and deal with the actual issue.

‘Wanking to a specific genre of porn will change your neural pathways’ interested in the science behind this? Any research? However I don’t disagree that obsessive porn watching of any kind is concerning as is any obsessive type of behaviour. I’d be more upset about that than the type of porn.

Tell him you are thinking that a career in porn might be a good choice for someone who isn't that bright at school. That if your daughter turns out to be not very academic there is always a job there in that.
Tell him if your son turns out transgender at least there is a career there.
Any parent would surely be proud to have a daughter or son in that industry. Think of the men who would be 'admiring' her and saying 'I wish I was her Dad. I'd be so proud of her right now'.
Tell him you'll be telling your daughter to find a man that watches porn because then she won't feel pressure to have sex and she can be happy that her husband has something to wank to.
That men 'need' that or they will leave their wives. That's what you should teach her. And proper order too.

@NotTonightJosepheen

Sometimes toddlers BF more at night. I understand yours didn’t, but mine can often BF quite a lot at night, depending on teeth etc. Eats like a wolf during the day though. Always been bigger than average blah blah.

interested in the science behind this?

Research the elasticity of the brain. Our experiences shape our brain.

I gotcha really? I'm not on reddit so would be interested to hear more!

Like that we have on of these types of posts 'Posters trying to shame people who masterbate (regardless of whether porn is involved) while married are fools.'

Always makes me laugh. EVIL MN HARRIDANS WANT TO BAN WANKING!!!!

@NotTonightJosepheen that is an outrageous post. Trying to insinuate there is something wrong with her baby and feigning concern for it's welfare on a thread entirely unrelated to breastfeeding.
What is your problem? Lots of babies (and toddlers) wake crying in the night for a comfort feed, it is completely normal.
Your obsession with this is very very odd.

@anyfucker

You're right. They are blokes. Hense the dick. Don't know why I said women!!!