To feel uncomfortable at dh's porn preferences

[exhaustedisanunderstatement]

Name change for obvious reasons So been with DH 6 years 2 children. We have an average sex life maybe once a week as children are so young and I know DH watches porn always has done which I have no problem with.

I recently discovered on dh's Reddit that he has been viewing tons of transgender porn. Maybe 80% that and 20% normal porn.

I have no problem with that it itself as people have prefences and He told me about it off his own back, I asked him if he could be bisexual and he got very defensive and said that he wasn't and wasn't going to watch it again which i said was up to him.

He was recently showing me something on his phone and closed the app and there was tons and tons of trans porn again in his files dating from the same day. I just brushed it off again but it makes me feel uneasy. I don't care if he's bisexual but the defensiveness and saying he wouldn't do anything makes me feel a bit weird about the whole thing.

Also, when your kids are old enough to access the computer you do not want this stuff on it!

Oh for goodness sake! Maybe he is maybe he isn't but watching trans porn in itself is no indication that he likes men as Linning said!

I occasionally watch porn myself and some of the things I watch have no bearing on my sexuality or sexual likes/dislikes in real life.

What you need to ask yourself is if the amount he watches porn is excessive and could indicate an addiction.

It's obviously a paraphilia, if he's so obsessed with it.
I'd worry he'd be imagining I had a dick, to get off during sex. What a turn off.
YADNBU

This may be a new element to his sexuality that he is just discovering. He may not be comfortable addressing it yet.

But the amount he is watching and that it looks as though it’s 80% trans porn, seems borderline obsessive, and that is concerning.

A lot of people find "taboo" porn a huge turn on. Some of the most watched videos these days involve incest for example. The taboo nature of it is part of the appeal so I expect he doesn't want to sit down and discuss it with you because it would then become more "acceptable" and therefore less of a turn on.

He may not be consciously aware of this of course.

The amount of porn he's watching would be more of a concern/turn off than the type.

It doesn't make me feel uncomfortable because I'm squeamish more that the fact that he's mostly obsessively watching something that I can't do for him. Also the quantity is a huge huge worry but I don't know how to bring it up to him without sounding intrusive. I'm worried it might be addiction because he's watching it every day mostly at night from what hes said. We don't have a phenomenal sex life as we have 2 1 year olds and I'm exhausted most of the time so he doesn't try it which is my fault I admit.

If you are fine with porn I don't really understand why this bothers you tbh

I'm not fine with porn as you never really know the situations of the people you are watching but that's different

People watch all sorts of stuff if it's not illegal or really nasty (violent abusive) I don't really see why it matters tbh. Loads of straight women watch gay porn, and I hear women together are fairly popular with male viewers!

So I'm not sure why the content is an issue tbh.

Plus if he is bisexual (?) that doesn't make him more likely to cheat or something, does it... Any more than watching straight porn makes a straight man cheat.

I don't really get the problem, tbh

If you have 2 one year olds to look after how / where is he finding the time and privacy to watch loads of porn every night?

I don't have a problem with him watching porn or overly the genre it's the quantity and apparent difficulty in him stopping that makes me feel uneasy I worry that it's turned into an addiction

@Fraggling I typically go to bed at 10pm as am still breastfeeding through the night and he plays games downstairs so I assume then

When is he finding the time to watch it?
I ask as I had a porn addicted husband so have experience of this. Is he staying up all night? Unable to get up in the morning?

He needs a hobby.

Do you not think 'staying up all night watching trans porn' counts as a hobby?

Liking trans porn doesn't mean you're bi. They're presenting as women, just women with a cock. It is the taboo of the cock, rather than the actual cock that most likely get off on.

If you don't have an issue with him watching porn or being bi, then try not to have an issue with the secrecy. It's a bit of weird, wacky shit and if that's his private place where he goes to, leave him to it. I say this because you seem to not have an issue with him viewing porn or being bi. So I'm not sure why you're so bothered about the secrecy. Is it hurting you?
The porn would absolutely hurt me. I loathe porn and normally, on threads like this, I am vehemently outspoken about what I think of porn and its impact on relationships. But because you seem pretty relaxed about it, I won't inflict my uncompromising opinions on you.

I just think it's a bit twisted and kinky but nothing more. Our sexual fantasies can be quite different than what we want in reality. I'd put it down to fantasy, weird that it is. Of course he's embarrassed. Wouldn't you be? I'm not sure what you want from him? A confessional? An explanation? Then what? Do you want him to stop?

@NotTonightJosepheen only one my almost 2 year old is fine. My just turned one year old still wakes throughout the night and feeds for comfort as she has a number of health problems that cause discomfort thanks they're eating good

If my OH was obsessively watching trans porn I'd be seriously concerned he might be AGP i.e. turned on by the idea of himself as a woman and on a path towards transgenderism. Even if I didn't have any evidence of him cross dressing.

I'd be tempted to ask the transwidows if this sounds familiar to them and if so what they advise.

So you're worn out looking after twin 1yo while he stays up late playing games, watching porn and wanking?

Well that to me seems like the real problem.

@TheVanguardSix I'm not shaming him at all. He said he wasn't bi I didn't ask him. I know we can all have our own preferences I'm just trying to work out when too much is too much. I don't watch it myself and have no idea if watching every night is normal or not to be honest, surely every night is compulsive?

The fact he got defensive would worry me.

Just my own opinion here but I couldn't be with someone who was into that as it really makes me feel sick.