To feel uncomfortable at dh's porn preferences

[exhaustedisanunderstatement]

Name change for obvious reasons So been with DH 6 years 2 children. We have an average sex life maybe once a week as children are so young and I know DH watches porn always has done which I have no problem with.

I recently discovered on dh's Reddit that he has been viewing tons of transgender porn. Maybe 80% that and 20% normal porn.

I have no problem with that it itself as people have prefences and He told me about it off his own back, I asked him if he could be bisexual and he got very defensive and said that he wasn't and wasn't going to watch it again which i said was up to him.

He was recently showing me something on his phone and closed the app and there was tons and tons of trans porn again in his files dating from the same day. I just brushed it off again but it makes me feel uneasy. I don't care if he's bisexual but the defensiveness and saying he wouldn't do anything makes me feel a bit weird about the whole thing.

I’d be uncomfortable with the amount of porn he’s watching. That does seem quite a lot. I think you have to go with your gut, you are obviously worried about it otherwise you wouldn’t be on here. If you feel unhappy with it then you guys need to talk it through and come to some resolution. Porn addiction is definitely a thing but obviously a very sensitive issue and needs handling gently I guess but I would always advocate talking it out If something is upsetting/concerning you. No matter how tricky.

OP, you must be knackered caring for your young children and getting very little support from DH. I would have real concerns about him seeming to need to view porn so regularly to the point that I would be worrying that it is an addition. I'd have to ask why trans porn. Are you worried he may be seeking sexual contact with others, maybe bisexual? I think I'd have to have a serious discussion about how this makes you feel. It may turn him on, does it turn you off? I personally would find it difficult to accept my DH viewing porn everyday/ evening whilst I was the sole carer of our children. You are getting little or no respect from him. He needs to help and support you, not live in a fantasy land.

I would be taking the router to bed with me. Setting the parental controls and see how he reacts to that. If he is not tired I am sure he could be doing the ironing, cleaning etc.

@NotTonightJosepheen about?

Pehaps in a weird way it repulses him, and he believes he shouldn't look at it, but just keeps getting drawn to it. It wouldn't be my cup of tea, maybe he wants you to fit a strap on. Keep it out in the open, and see where it leads. If you dont like it tell him to wipe it off, and if he continues you will put his phone under the front wheel of the car.

@Spinderellacutituponetime thanks, that's really good advice. The thing is we do get on really well and he does put his fair share in, I just do the night shift as DD is very attached to me especially when she's in discomfort which is most nights and bf'ing calms her down. The coming to bed not at the same time is an issue though. Maybe I'll just start by bringing that up and saying I want him to spend more time with me and if he can't respect that maybe push it further

@Notodontidae that's what I was thinking. It could be the hes watched so much the other stuff doesn't interest him. I'm deffo going to have a conversation about my concerns or at least relying on it as I can see that it's not normal to watch that much now

I'd find that grim and worrying. I don't like porn, DP doesn't watch porn and I'd be pretty pissed off if he spent hours a day downloading thousands of images in the family home.

Maybe he has a fetish, maybe he isn't being honest with you about whether there is more to this than just enjoying the one ages and he wants to cross dress. I don't know.

Bottom line is it wouldn't be something I'd accept if it happened in my relationship. But you can only speak for yours and what does and doesn't upset you. So really it's up to you how you think, feel and react.

A lot of straight men have a fantasy/are intrigued by the idea of shagging a transwoman. It doesn't necessarily mean they are bi as such, it's just something that intrigues them. We're supposed to believe these are women after all, so it's completely heterosexual :) :) :) despite all the erect penises :)

These pathetic pornhounds don't need "gentle handling" they need a fucking metaphorical boot up the arse

Inevitable to see the Handmaidens out in force on this thread

I wouldn't necessarily be concerned at the type of porn, it may not reflect what he is actually into...like someone said earlier on in the thread, I am a gay woman but would watch straight porn over lesbian porn, despite having no desire to be with a man myself. At the times I watch porn more regularly my sex life with a partner is likely to be better, not worse.

If it's interfering with the quality and nature of your relationship it's a problem...if it's not I'd probably leave it.

He has a porn addiction. I can't believe all the posters saying this is fine.

I also suspect he is autogynaphilic, a fetish. If you read the transwidows threads most tell the exact same story, and trans porn was often the start, often lied about etc.

I have direct experience with this issue. My ex had a porn addiction, watched ‘out there’ pornography and I sought advice from people on this thread. Thank god for people like AnyFucker who encouraged me to leave the bastard.

This issue won’t get better, in fact it will get worse. Your husband is neglecting your needs by staying up every evening watching excessive amounts of pornography. Instead of trying to lessen your load i.e. doing chores, taking turns with the night shift OR coming to bed to be with you in the evening, he is sitting down stairs for hours downloading and wanking to porn. This is the reality. That is without even addressing the sorts of things he is watching, which would be a massive turn off for me and make me question my own desirability to him.

@Vegancat I did have a little scroll through a while ago and I don't see a massive correlation. He's very attentive and emotionally available but who's to say, he does work in IT though 😂

I'm sorry to read about your situation OP. I'm going through very similar myself at the moment, so hugs from another neglected partner of a pornhound. But be very wary of the amount he's watching, he sounds like my addict husband. One day off a week on a Saturday, because I was in all day. Does he look every single day? It's a lot of reinforcement if so.

@thevanguardsix I agree, the OP deserves better.

@rp30 yes I said it is just my opinion, and I'm not alone in it.

@JazzyJelly yeah most days I believe. I don't even know how to begin tacking it still haha. That must be hard, have you spoken to him about it?