To feel uncomfortable at dh's porn preferences

[exhaustedisanunderstatement]

Name change for obvious reasons So been with DH 6 years 2 children. We have an average sex life maybe once a week as children are so young and I know DH watches porn always has done which I have no problem with.

I recently discovered on dh's Reddit that he has been viewing tons of transgender porn. Maybe 80% that and 20% normal porn.

I have no problem with that it itself as people have prefences and He told me about it off his own back, I asked him if he could be bisexual and he got very defensive and said that he wasn't and wasn't going to watch it again which i said was up to him.

He was recently showing me something on his phone and closed the app and there was tons and tons of trans porn again in his files dating from the same day. I just brushed it off again but it makes me feel uneasy. I don't care if he's bisexual but the defensiveness and saying he wouldn't do anything makes me feel a bit weird about the whole thing.

@NotTonightJosepheen

I think you need to think about upping their food intake if you're bf one year old twins through the night.

Don't be so ridiculous. This is perfectly natural. It's good they are waking up regularly to breastfeed and the OP is doing amazing by continuing to do so.

Sorry OP nothing to add but it would really bother me too.

@Derbee my first post wasn't actually aimed at you. We were writing them at the same time.

The last line of your suggestion is certainly shamey in tone.

I wouldn’t like it op because of the frequency of viewing. I find this pretty concerning. If anything, I could argue regular viewing of biological males having sex with each other - albeit some of those being trans - would perhaps be preferable to me in some ways as I could know no biological women (being generally smaller and weaker) were exploited.

Don’t beat yourself up for not having sex multiple times a week. You’re doing really well by the sound of it. I’d like to know when your dh is going to step up to help you stop with the multiple night time feeds.

I’m early forties. Porn when I was younger meant magazines in the top shelf.

I’m always amazed when I read these threads on MN. I realise I’m an utter dinosaur . But I cannot believe that regular use of porn in any marriage is healthy. And trans porn? Maybe this is his way of satisfying an urge he doesn’t particularly want to explore in real life. Maybe it’s more.

I sure as heck wouldn’t be happy with the situation. I suspect my husband might look at porn occasionally - I don’t know but I have no issue with that. But regular weekly use I have no doubt is rewiring brains and not for the better

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow I agree with everything you say except the part about being early 40's makes you an utter dinosaur 😂 that was a VVVU comment!! But spot on with everything else!

This would repulse me. Looking after 2 young children and going to bed every night knowing my husband was downstairs wanking off to women with cocks. I just can't get my head round it. I would feel the same about any porn. Occasionally yes but he's taking the piss and seems addicted to it.

I agree with Derbee, it's the selfishness of him leaving her to look after kids so he can wank (because, oh poor him, the kids have disrupted their sex life). And at what point does having a porn session become more exciting than having real sex with the person who loves you?
As for content, if you "have no problem" with porn, then you don't get to police what extreme rabbit hole he falls down.

You're definitely not BU to be uncomfortable that your husband is essentially watching gay porn. I'd be very concerned and it would be a deal breaker for me unless he stopped pursuing that path. I hope it works out for you OP.

Ah twins
So blessed

Hes clearly addicted, not sure what the answer is tbh, this seems to be a massive problem with a lot of men nowadays, they prefer fantasy to real life. All you can do is sit and have a v honest conversation with him, with porn addiction like this the only answer is abstinence...unlikely he'l stop imo tho.

Incidentally, OP, you don’t have to “have no problem” with porn of any type. It’s vile, and exploitative and addictive. It’s perfectly fine for you to object to it.

I'm with you OP I have no problem with porn but watching transgender porn would definitely leave me wanting answers.

@NotTonightJosepheen really don't get the obsession with one comment I made. I would usually refer to my children as 2 under 2 but I was typing fast and it just came out like that. I was also referring to why I was tired, I breastfeed my one year old 'through the night' because she wakes multiple times with discomfort and we decided that instead of medicating we would let her breastfeed for comfort which is not ideal but why I breastfeed through the night as it seems to be more effective. My elder one year old (if that's okay) is a good sleeper but still wakes a couple of times a week and is an extremely early riser which is why I just put them together as to why I'm tired

I'm going to have a conversation with him this evening and if he is on board and wants to work something out then that's fine but he'll need to be on board and hear me out otherwise I'll have to think about things. I feel pretty overwhelmed right now in all honesty, I'll just have to see his reaction

kitty you have it arse face about

These people are not "women with cocks" they are men with breast implants and garish makeup

I don't think OP needs to explain anything about the feeding, it's not relevant to the question?

Good luck with the conversation with DH, hope it goes well. Really feel for you

OP - www.google.com/amp/s/www.vice.com/amp/en_au/article/a35wgz/what-happens-when-your-girlfriend-finds-out-youre-into-trans-women

(not sure how to make it a clicky link), but some reasons why straight males like trans porn. May be worth a read (if you have time)

@NotTonightJosepheen I'm really not going to go into detail about my daughters medical history because it isn't relevant on a post about my husband unless you want my postcode to do the 3am feed seeing as you're such a dab hand at everything inspector morse 🙄