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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the Tesco's cashier was out of order?

247 replies

Youngmamaa2 · 05/12/2019 14:47

Iv just been shopping with DS 2yo and DD 9months, both sat in the trolly. I went to go pay, the cashier asked how many bags I'd like, I told him how many. Both kids where been quiet,minding their own business in the trolly. The cashier looks at them and turns to me and says "they don't look like brothers at all"...
Fair enough getting the gender wrong, shes not got alot of hair & was in a brown coat.
But to make me feel abit shit that they don't look alike.
Both kids have the same dad. Just my son is bright blonde hair blue eyes and the double of his dad and DD is mousy brown hair and dark eyes, like me.
Aibu to think this comment was out of line? It's bothering me 😕

OP posts:
moggiemonster · 05/12/2019 20:13

My MIL used to say our sons didn’t look like brothers in front of them and me. 🙁 Funny thing was they’d often get mistaken for twins by strangers and regularly mixed up by neighbours and teachers.

She was being unreasonable and had the affront to get upset when DH asked her to stop saying this in front of the boys. And they do have the same father, I am sure I would have noticed a random man in my bed. 🙂

Bodyposiftw · 05/12/2019 20:19

How dare the plebs talk to us. They are paid to serve us and keep quiet. The other day the postman say good morning to me. He was clearly taking the piss as it was raining.

Darkstar4855 · 05/12/2019 20:20

It’s just a conversational remark and not worth getting upset about. YABU (and a bit oversensitive), sorry.

Pineapple1 · 05/12/2019 20:28

Snowflake syndrome

Rachel438 · 06/12/2019 05:36

@mistycloud

Are you the OPs clever lawyer? Great job.

And in answer to your question, I can be rude to people in real life too. Just for fun though Xmas Grin

Zeusthemoose · 06/12/2019 05:40

Small talk - she's not really that interested and completely forgotten about it. You should too.

AngelsOnHigh · 06/12/2019 06:02

I learnt about 20 years ago not to make personal comments re DC.

Was at a friend's home for afternoon tea. She also had another friend there (who I wasn't acquainted with) who had 3 dc.

Conversationally I commented that "Gee she is certainly different to the other two).

"That's because she's adopted" was the reply. I still cringe to this day when I remember the incident.

I did become very good friends with said family.

Aridane · 06/12/2019 06:03

@Rachel438 - or the OP...

Ivebeentohellanditscalledikea · 06/12/2019 06:18

I couldn't get upset about that. I was once out shopping with my male friend and my dd he is no relation when a shop assistant said to him pointing from him to my dd "there's no way you could deny your not her dad".

ittakes2 · 06/12/2019 06:20

Actually I get it. My twins have similar colourings to yours and I say all the time they don’t look like twins. But if I thought about it I would feel upset if someone said it to me. Not rational I know and I am not saying it’s right. I think it’s because it would strike a nerve and it would feel like being told we are not a family or something?

B0bbin · 06/12/2019 06:21

YANBU. It was a rude comment. It has implications, whether they were meant or not. If your children did have two different dads, it could have caused real offense too. I actually think, "making conversation" is a lame excuse for her. Think before you speak!

PlumsGalore · 06/12/2019 06:25

My answer would have been “ha ha no they don’t thats because this one is a girl”

Massive overreaction.

TulipCat · 06/12/2019 06:25

Seriously? Not worth any headspace whatsoever.

dentydown · 06/12/2019 06:41

I used to get this with my two older boys. Dad was Pakistani. Eldest looked like me, but had his dads skin colour, his brother looked like his dad (including hands and feet!) but was white. Comments were quite harsh from adults! I didn’t mind children asking, because they didn’t know any better and they worded it quite cutely ... but some adults asked in front of my ex, in an outright rude manner. I tend to stick to “they are lovely” type comments. Quite boring, vanilla, but doesn’t lead to embarrassment!

Dontdisturbmenow · 06/12/2019 06:47

It all comes down to the tone in which she said it, if it was with an endearing smile, gentle tone, then no problem. If she stared at you, frowned, and said it with an accusatory tone, then no.

I haven't so much common about how my kids didn't look alike each other but plenty about they looked nothing like me. It's true, if I hadn't given birth to them, I would wonder! Now as grown-ups even less so. I've never minded when people made comments, they were pointing an observed fact.

Happygoldfinch · 06/12/2019 06:59

It's a cashier just making small-talk. Tescos seems to go big on this. Why would you be upset? It's just conversation! I think your inferences are the problem here.

Snowman123 · 06/12/2019 07:07

I'm pretty sure her intent was to make conversation, and not to hurt you in the slightest.

Some of us are just pretty crap at conversation........

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 06/12/2019 07:18

I had my two in Mothercare one day and the woman working there asked were they mine!! She said they looked nothing like me.

I have a sister and we are polar opposites. People who might know us both separately are always shocked to hear we're sisters. Neither of us are insulted. She looks like my mother's side. I look like my father's side. We bear no resemblance to each other at all.

Actually we both have children roughly the same age. One dark, one redhead. My son looks like my husband her son looks like her. There is again no resemblance between the boys. When they were smaller we would sometimes have them out in a twin buggy. So of course we had loads of people commenting on "the twins" and how they were so different!!

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 06/12/2019 07:20

It's a cashier just making small-talk. Tescos seems to go big on this. Why would you be upset? It's just conversation! I think your inferences are the problem here

Does the lady protest too much?! Maybe the kids don't have the same dad but nobody knows and now she's terrified her secret will be exposed?! 😱

After all, if a stranger in Tesco notices, mil is bound to have her suspicions 😉

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 06/12/2019 07:21

Crikey! I've had the full range of comments from 'are they twins?' (much to the disgust of DS1 who is 2 1/2 years older) to 'are they brothers?'
DS1 has brown hair and chocolate brown eyes to die for whereas DS2 is blond haired and blue eyed. I've also been told DP's daughter looks like me Hmm

Both DSs have the same dad. It's never once occurred to me to be offended, it's just small talk. Don't give it any more headspace.

Pateontheback · 06/12/2019 07:34

Your reaction to the comment says a lot more about you.
If someone said something like this to me It would be like water off a ducks back.
Stop giving a fuck. It will change your life

Beveren · 06/12/2019 07:35

Did anyone read the thread and missing the obvious, he said they don't look like BROTHERS, it was a boy and girl sibling. I am taking it OP your bothered because he thought your daughter was a little boy more so than them looking nothing alike??

Did you miss the obvious, @BlancoNita? OP made it clear that this isn't what bothered her.

MissLadyM · 06/12/2019 07:40

Give her a fucking break! It must be murder doing a long shift and having to be friendly to everyone.

Pateontheback · 06/12/2019 07:43

I don’t think the op will be back.she said on a previous thread 80% of people on here were rude and sarcastic so obviously only wanted 20% to post

kevintheorangecarrot · 06/12/2019 07:53

Just laugh it off.