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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the Tesco's cashier was out of order?

247 replies

Youngmamaa2 · 05/12/2019 14:47

Iv just been shopping with DS 2yo and DD 9months, both sat in the trolly. I went to go pay, the cashier asked how many bags I'd like, I told him how many. Both kids where been quiet,minding their own business in the trolly. The cashier looks at them and turns to me and says "they don't look like brothers at all"...
Fair enough getting the gender wrong, shes not got alot of hair & was in a brown coat.
But to make me feel abit shit that they don't look alike.
Both kids have the same dad. Just my son is bright blonde hair blue eyes and the double of his dad and DD is mousy brown hair and dark eyes, like me.
Aibu to think this comment was out of line? It's bothering me 😕

OP posts:
RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 05/12/2019 15:51

Receptionist in my eldest child's infant school was convinced that I was a childminder to the two very small blonde children in the double buggy i was always pushing Grin

Both dh and i are dark haired

jannier · 05/12/2019 15:51

Dont get the problem I think it's nice to chat to humans on the till, you say they dont look alike so what's the issue.

Monkeynuts18 · 05/12/2019 15:52

But WHY are you offended?

You seem to accept yourself in your OP that they don’t look alike. Siblings often don’t! So why is it making you feel like shit? Is it because you think the implication is that they don’t have the same dad?

notangelinajolie · 05/12/2019 15:53

Chit chat, small talk, being friendly. Take your pick she was just making conversation. I don't know why you would be offended that your kids don't look alike. Some do and some don't - it's not really anything to be getting your knickers in a twist over.

Monkeynuts18 · 05/12/2019 15:54

Re-reading your post, is the issue that deep down you think your son is better looking than your daughter? Just your description of your son’s appearance is more flattering than your description of your daughter’s.

andpancakesforbreakfast · 05/12/2019 15:57

WHAT Is so shitty in that comment? I don't get it Confused

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 05/12/2019 16:01

It was a silly thing to say, but hey ho. Shitty? Really?

It's really not worth getting upset about it, cashiers are instructed to make small talk and must be running out of things to do.

ArnoldWhatshisknickers · 05/12/2019 16:03

Sounds like the cashier was just making polite conversation. It's the sort of thing that commonly gets mentioned as a nice neutral topic. 'Oooh, your children are so alike/different'' is just a conversation starter.

Could be worse, I'm the spitting image of my Dad's sister so when I was a child my auntie used to get told how like my 'mum' I was while my mum was assumed to be a friend/more distant relation. Poor mum.

Andypromqueen · 05/12/2019 16:04

I was just about to post that you sound a little young and unconfident Op and then I saw your username - so I was right! No need at all to feel upset and offended by something like this.
This is the kind of thing my mum would say to make conversation with someone. I suspect the cashier was meaning it along the lines of “aren’t genetics a funny thing - that two siblings can be so different”.

Stop being such a snowflake and save your angst for something REALLY offensive - like a distant relative poking you in the stomach and saying “ooh, you’ve put on weight since last time I saw you”!!
That happened to me last year!

Molly2016 · 05/12/2019 16:06

Another mum in the school queue asked me if my kids had the same dad because they look so different. I thought it was funny. DH didn’t.

Cornishqween · 05/12/2019 16:07

I have a beautiful ginger little girl....we get all sorts, mostly along the lines of "her hair is beautiful, isn't she lucky" but have also had "hopefully she'll grow out of it" and "but your husband and you aren't ginger, is she his???!"

I think you'll need to grow a thicker skin, people have verbal diarrhoea sometimes

UsedtobeFeckless · 05/12/2019 16:08

Cashiers are told to chat - so god only knows how many people DS has upset! Teenage boys are a bit random when it comes to small talk Grin

Meggymoo777 · 05/12/2019 16:08

YABU - Sorry, think she was making conversation and I don't think the comment was out of line or shitty at all.

My 9 year old DS insists on keeping his hair long (it's curly, beyond shoulder length and gorgeous 🥰) he's constantly mistaken for a girl... he corrects them and just moves on... my 9 yr old doesn't get as offended as you!

Whattodoabout · 05/12/2019 16:12

Meh, my DC don’t really look alike at all. One is pale with green eyes, the other three have olive skin but one has auburn hair. They have all taken different features from both parents and also grandparents. I really don’t care and I don’t think you should either. Are you always so sensitive?

KnifeAngel · 05/12/2019 16:14

They were just making small talk. You seem very oversensitive.

SpruceTree · 05/12/2019 16:16

OP I would just let it go. Have you ever said anything silly yourself? I know I cringe at some of the stupid things I have blurted out without thinking!

PlanDeRaccordement · 05/12/2019 16:25

I think it depends on the tone of voice. I’d be a bit upset at a random cashier saying in front of my children that they do not look like brothers/sisters. It might make one of them think they were adopted.

That said, my children are very different. From iron straight blonde hair and brown eyes to curly black hair with green eyes. All from myself and same father. Genetics is a lottery.

fairybaby · 05/12/2019 16:28

The cashier's comment touched a nerve. Maybe this is an opportunity for the OP to figure out what she truly feels about her children's different looks. Maybe it is their personality or another factor she is projecting.

Some soul searching needed here.

Wotrewelookinat · 05/12/2019 16:36

There are soooo many things in the world to worry about right now...and this is not one of them. You’d best grow a thicker skin and also learn that most people in general are trying their best and trying to be nice and make connections to fellow human beings.

keepingbees · 05/12/2019 16:36

It's not a shitty thing to say at all, I can't see why you're offended.

It's tiring and draining working on a till, especially this time of year. The cashier was probably just trying to make light conversation.

OriginalMe · 05/12/2019 16:39

It's not like she said one's cute and one's ugly is it? Sometimes relatives don't look like relatives.

If my partner is out with my son (his stepson) he gets people saying to him "ohhh you can tell you're his dad can't you!" And similar. It doesn't offend any of us! I get the same said about me and my step son (partner's son). We all have dark features so people assume we're all blood related. None of us care.

CustardySergeant · 05/12/2019 16:41

LizzieBananas "It’s rude, judgey and you were right to feel offended"

Huh? Why? Confused What do you think was being judged?

plightofthealbatross · 05/12/2019 16:43

It's not a shitty comment, OP, but something clearly bothered you about it.

Babies aren't always easy to tell if they're boys or girls, and doesn't really matter, frankly.

And siblings don't necessarily look similar. Mine don't look anything like each other, same parents for all of them.

It's the same idiocy that have people questioning 'who's the daddy' by suggesting it might be someone else because a baby doesn't look like him. Well why the hell should every baby look like their father ... wait they don't ... many take after their mother's or other extended family members. Looks mean nothing...

cocomelon23 · 05/12/2019 16:45

This is why I don't tend to speak to people when I'm out anymore. People are offended by every silly little thing nowadays. Fgs lighten up.

NewYoiker · 05/12/2019 16:47

My mother in law had a triple buggy. Eldest was 15 months, twins were newborn and a woman came up and said 'oh lovely you have one of ear' Hmm wtf?!