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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the Tesco's cashier was out of order?

247 replies

Youngmamaa2 · 05/12/2019 14:47

Iv just been shopping with DS 2yo and DD 9months, both sat in the trolly. I went to go pay, the cashier asked how many bags I'd like, I told him how many. Both kids where been quiet,minding their own business in the trolly. The cashier looks at them and turns to me and says "they don't look like brothers at all"...
Fair enough getting the gender wrong, shes not got alot of hair & was in a brown coat.
But to make me feel abit shit that they don't look alike.
Both kids have the same dad. Just my son is bright blonde hair blue eyes and the double of his dad and DD is mousy brown hair and dark eyes, like me.
Aibu to think this comment was out of line? It's bothering me 😕

OP posts:
Catsandchardonnay · 06/12/2019 07:54

I was at soft play with my blond kids aged 5 and 2, DS’s Asian friend 4 and DD’s Afro-Caribbean friend 3 and some nosy woman asked if they were all mine! I felt like saying, yep I went back to the original dad for the 4th one!

Beautiful3 · 06/12/2019 07:56

I think you're being a bit sensitive. The cashier just meant that they look nothing alike. Making small talk.

Insideimsprinting · 06/12/2019 08:02

I agree with posters stating that cashier was making conversation, there's nothing at all offensive in stating that they don't look alike. I also agree that some people are poor at starting conversations and that this example is absolutely nothing to take offence at.
I've heard a lot worse op, thus makes me think as to how you would cope with worse, trust me this example is a non starter it barely registers on the dumbest things people say. Get a grip op.

Aridane · 06/12/2019 08:03

Did anyone read the thread and missing the obvious, he said they don't look like BROTHERS, it was a boy and girl sibling. I am taking it OP your bothered because he thought your daughter was a little boy more so than them looking nothing alike??

Did you miss the obvious, @BlancoNita? OP made it clear that this isn't what bothered her.

No @Beveren

  • the obvious is what OP states in her opening post - ie that it’s not the misgendering that bothers her but saying they don’t look alike!!

Both kids where been quiet,minding their own business in the trolly. The cashier looks at them and turns to me and says "they don't look like brothers at all"...
Fair enough getting the gender wrong, shes not got alot of hair & was in a brown coat.
But to make me feel abit shit that they don't look alike.

f0stercarer · 06/12/2019 08:07

Really struggling to understand what offence has been caused. You have two young children and a lot of parenting experiences and challenges in front of you. I suggest you develop some resilience or you will have a miserable time over the next 20 years.

BlaueLagune · 06/12/2019 08:09

Really struggling to understand what offence has been caused. You have two young children and a lot of parenting experiences and challenges in front of you. I suggest you develop some resilience or you will have a miserable time over the next 20 years

This. Also, they might not have been sibings at all, you might have had your own child and a friend's child with you! Come on OP, life is difficult enough without getting offended over nothing.

Beveren · 06/12/2019 08:09

Aridane, that's exactly the point I made. I don't understand why you think you are contradicting me.

SheOfManyNames · 06/12/2019 08:14

She was just making conversation.
I had bright blonde hair until I was around 7/8 and then it turned lighter brown and I looked more like one of my parents with the same colour hair. My brother is more chestnut brown with brown eyes (mine are blue). We still have similar enough features that people can tell we are related. Not that we care what people in general think.

augustusglupe · 06/12/2019 08:23

I think it was an odd thing to say tbh, but cashiers do say daft things, they are only doing a job and i get that, but I can imagine with 2 children and trying to pack shopping, you could do without the comments.

I got a very nice lady serve me in Marks a few weeks ago and she made a comment about the Christmas gift bag I’d bought
‘Ooooh I bet someone will be excited to have that filled on Christmas morning’ she said. I just smiled.
It was actually just to put the crackers in Grin (pulling ones not eating)

Maybe she thought I looked young and had small children, or that I looked old and had grandchildren..it just doesn’t matter!!

Actionhasmagic · 06/12/2019 08:26

She sounds like an idiot

Icequeen01 · 06/12/2019 08:31

My 19 year old DS works as a cashier in Tesco part time whilst at Uni and he desperately tries to chat to customers and be friendly. I can soooo imagine him saying something like this! Our local Tesco is full of part time students and some, like my DS, are still learning how to chit chat with people who are not their mates and perhaps occasionally need to have thought through their comments before coming out with them! However, I am certain the cashier meant no harm and I do feel you are being a bit of a snowflake.

MarkingTimeIm59 · 06/12/2019 08:33

Don’t fret OP. It actually gets quite boring when folk continually bang on about how alike your children are.
I had two blue-eyed blondes - actual peas in a pod they were. Number three arrived with dark, curly hair and olive skin (same dad).
It certainly didn’t occur to me to get upset that he wasn’t a clone of his brothers!

Pjsandbaileys · 06/12/2019 08:34

I have 3 children my two girls couldn't look more different ones fair, dark eyes and very petite the other dark haired, blue eyes (me or her dad do not have blue eyes lol) is tall and athletic. Their brother is a mixture of the two when they are all together you would know they are siblings but just the girls no and definitely all from the same gene pool. Its commented on all the time even more so now they are grown, doesn't bother me x

Ariadnepersephonecloud · 06/12/2019 08:38

I would get offended by it and for what it's worth, you'd never know two of mine have different dads they're so alike. In fact people just assume they're all my husbands Grin

andpancakesforbreakfast · 06/12/2019 09:07

I would get offended by it and for what it's worth, you'd never know two of mine have different dads they're so alike.

WHY would you get offended? Because you are embarrassed they are from 2 different dads?

(or did you forget the not in your sentence Grin )

BrokenWing · 06/12/2019 09:12

I am one of 4 siblings. We are all very dark haired/brown eyed like our parents, except one brother who has light mousey hair and blueish eyes.

Mum has laughed along with many years of milkman and postman comments and jokes.

I have no idea why you would get upset by such a throwaway comment that obviously wasn't mean to be offensive. You can spend your life taking offence at small things and let it bring you down or laugh and move on. Your choice.

wafflyversatile · 06/12/2019 11:07

Actually this reminds me of my 1st job at 17 and desperately trying to make chit chat with a colleague i didn't know well who was about 50. It was just me and her waiting for a taxi after the xmas party. I asked if she had children. She didnt and it was evidently so much of a sore point for her I got hauled in by the boss for a talking to about asking personal questions. Complained about me to the boss FFS.

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 06/12/2019 13:03

A neighbour of ours had two little girls. One was white-skinned, blue-eyed and blonde-haired, like Mam, the other was coffee-skinned, brown-eyed and black haired, like their mixed-race Dad.

Shooturlocalmethdealer · 06/12/2019 13:07

YANBU. Had a lady ask me if all four of my children had the same father!
I told her I didnt know who any of their fathers were Grin
Of course they all have the same dad.
This was years ago but I will always remember it.

MintyMabel · 06/12/2019 13:16

because it was a shitty thing to say

It was making conversation.

I look nothing like either of my siblings. People have always commented on it. I can't remember ever being offended by it.

vincettenoir · 06/12/2019 13:18

I don’t think that the cashier should have offered this off hand assessment. It’s not offensive but it’s not something you really needed her view on. I don’t think it was a good starter for conversation.

LynnMa2 · 06/12/2019 13:25

"I know right? They look quite different don't they? It's funny how that works out sometimes."

That's how a normal non-miserable person would respond.

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