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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the Tesco's cashier was out of order?

247 replies

Youngmamaa2 · 05/12/2019 14:47

Iv just been shopping with DS 2yo and DD 9months, both sat in the trolly. I went to go pay, the cashier asked how many bags I'd like, I told him how many. Both kids where been quiet,minding their own business in the trolly. The cashier looks at them and turns to me and says "they don't look like brothers at all"...
Fair enough getting the gender wrong, shes not got alot of hair & was in a brown coat.
But to make me feel abit shit that they don't look alike.
Both kids have the same dad. Just my son is bright blonde hair blue eyes and the double of his dad and DD is mousy brown hair and dark eyes, like me.
Aibu to think this comment was out of line? It's bothering me 😕

OP posts:
MistyCloud · 05/12/2019 19:02

AlrightyThen

I get the opposite, my two have different dads but look very similar (they look like me) and we always get “oh I can’t believe they look so alike! Considering... you know”

@andpancakesforbreakfast

if you get that from a random Tesco cashier, you are obviously over-sharing.

It was OBVIOUS that @AlrightyyThen didn't mean checkout operators when she said what she did. Being facetious is not an attractive trait. Nor is it clever. Wink

AlrightyyThen · 05/12/2019 19:03

if you get that from a random Tesco cashier, you are obviously over-sharing

No not from Tesco, just people in general that you maybe haven’t seen for a while or that barely know you etc Blush

andpancakesforbreakfast · 05/12/2019 19:04

Being facetious is not an attractive trait. Nor is it clever.

that's debatable Wink

Clangus00 · 05/12/2019 19:05

@BigFatGoalie no, op has made another tread saying we’re all meanies!

mummyofthreemunchkins · 05/12/2019 19:05

I think it was just a flippant remark and nothing to be offended by. I was once asked if both my older kids were related, and both mine as they look nothing like each other, or me! In fairness he did have a point... I just laughed it off and went on with my day

MistyCloud · 05/12/2019 19:05

@andpancakesforbreakfast

Grin
NoParticularPattern · 05/12/2019 19:06

Jesus. Surely you just laugh and say “oh man I know right? It’s like he isn’t even related to me! Carried him for 9 months and comes out looking just like his dad!”. Or at least that’s what I do when I get told “wow don’t they just look the double of daddy?!”

But sure. You can choose to be offended and feel shitty about some inconsequential small talk if you like that as a better option. Despite the fact that all it was was an observation which even you have made?!

Bluntness100 · 05/12/2019 19:06

I'm guessing you're very sensitive about how your kids look or something? You've had quite an odd reaction, most people would have laughed and said yeah I know.

katseyes7 · 05/12/2019 19:06

People at checkouts do make small talk. l don't think they even think about what they're saying most of the time.
l'm from the North East. l live in Yorkshire now, so l don't have a local accent. lt gets commented on a lot. l had one couple at my checkout chatting away and the man asked how long l'd lived down here. l said seven years. He asked where l was from, they knew (vaguely) the area. Asked what l'd done before l moved here. l said l'd worked for the police for 28 years.
He then said "And now you're reduced to this."
His wife looked like she wanted the ground to open up and swallow her. l actually felt sorry for her. l genuinely don't think he meant anything by it, l think it was just a thoughtless throwaway remark.
Some people's children look alike, some don't. lt just sounds like an off the cuff comment that they hadn't even thought about.

amy85 · 05/12/2019 19:07

So your kids don't look a like which you've admitted they don't but you've got your knickers in a twist because someone's said they don't look alike....which is actually true...jeez some people are never happy

DesMartinsPetCat · 05/12/2019 19:09

I’m a Granny and if I’d been there I’d have had something to say

Hmm
PablosHoney · 05/12/2019 19:10

Hmm My daughters don’t look alike either, one brown eyed and brown hair and the other blonde with blue eyes, no they don’t really look like sisters but they are soooooo?? Who cares! An orthodontist once asked my eldest if she brought her friend to an appointment 😂 who’d do that? You need to toughen up

MistyCloud · 05/12/2019 19:10

@Youngmamaa2

Going against the masses here.

I think YANBU actually, and some people have been really harsh and mean to you on here... Some say she was just making conversation, but why say that?! Confused I don't mind checkout operators chatting, but do find it irksome when they start commenting on personal things. As a pp said, some women are offended by a man opening a door for them, or calling them 'love.' None of the above would bother me, so it's obvious that people are offended by different things. I don't know why some posters are being so horrible to the OP about this. Confused

I also wonder why people are DEMANDING that the OP come back and explains WHY she is offended. She's probably not come back because of the comments she's received! (Maybe she's right that some people are meanies!) Wink

IMO the comment the cashier made about the OP's kids was unnecessary and intrusive. If she wants to just 'make conversation' talk about the weather or Christmas or something. Don't make personal comments about someone's family members/children.

People are having a go at the OP, but she is as allowed to be pissed off and bothered about it, as people are to NOT be pissed off and bothered. These kind of 'I wish I had such a blessed life that I was bothered about something so trivial' type comments are so passive-aggressive and passé .. Change the record! Wink

And don't even get me started on the SNOWFLAKE comments. So predictable and tired now...... As well as rude. Hmm

MistyCloud · 05/12/2019 19:10

@Pinkandgreenfloral

I was out with my dark haired children and blonde toddler, and was told,he didn’t look like he belonged to us at all ! People are just plain rude. 😂

Yep this! ^

I have a gorgeous Italian friend with olive skin, black hair, and deep brown eyes, and she has a blonde, blue-eyed, fair-skinned husband. Their daughter (3) has light blonde hair, fair skin, and blue eyes (like her dad,) and the amount of rude comments that have been fired at my Italian friend are disgusting. Ranging from 'she doesn't look anything like you' and 'she can't be yours!' And 'she looks like her dad, so did you use a donor egg?' And 'you must feel so shit that she looks nothing like you!' And 'are you sure

Pepperwand · 05/12/2019 19:11

I was once buying a pregnancy test at Tesco with my 10 month old sat in the trolley. The cashier looked at it, looked at me and said "my, you've been busy." I'm usually pretty easy going but I did think that was way too personal a comment, but she didn't mean any harm so I didn't say anything.

PablosHoney · 05/12/2019 19:17

A cafe worker once asked if I ‘got’ my second child from Tibet 😂😂 and much has been made of my son being so olive skinned when I’m very pale ‘is he Spanish’ erm no 😂

MistyCloud · 05/12/2019 19:33

@Pepperwand

I was once buying a pregnancy test at Tesco with my 10 month old sat in the trolley. The cashier looked at it, looked at me and said "my, you've been busy." I'm usually pretty easy going but I did think that was way too personal a comment, but she didn't mean any harm so I didn't say anything.

Exactly. They may not mean anything, but it's just inappropriate and yeah, out of order, and people ARE entitled to be annoyed. I mean, I wouldn't complain or report her, but I am entitled to be annoyed! Confused

A friend of mine stopped going to Greggs several years ago, because every time she went in there (to get her favourite cake,) a member of staff commented - LOUDLY - every time. I mean Every. Single. Time.

Even if there were 20 customers in there, he would say things like 'Oh here she comes, tootling in after her Belgian bun.' And 'You'll be looking like a Belgian bun at this rate.' And 'do you know how much SUGAR is in these things?!' Faux shock face!

She never complained, but she did stop going. After the 30th comment in about 16 weeks, she had had enough. There comes a time when enough is enough. No matter whether they are 'just making conversation' or not ...

Isitsixoclockalready · 05/12/2019 19:33

Not sure i'd be bothered personally - i know that my sons don't look that alike.

Isitsixoclockalready · 05/12/2019 19:36

@mistycloud i wouldn't blame you being miffed - that comment was a little personal.

SheChoseDown · 05/12/2019 19:37

You should hear what customers have said to me! Please don't take offence, she was just fishing for conversation, albeit in a clumsy way. She's bound to be sick of discussing the weather, the local flood, brexit.
We get a few minutes with each customer and sometimes us lowly retail monkeys like a bit of human contact. Just no touching!!!! Haha

Isitsixoclockalready · 05/12/2019 19:38

@mistycloud, sorry I see that you were referring to @pepperwand's experience.

MistyCloud · 05/12/2019 19:40

@Isitsixoclockalready

That's OK. Smile

coconuttelegraph · 05/12/2019 19:41

Who in the real world finds the fact that their children don't look alike insulting. That's bizarre right there

Vanhi · 05/12/2019 20:05

Just FYI: I went to go pay, the cashier asked how many bags I'd like, I told HIM how many

The cashier is MALE. Interesting assumption that someone in a particular job is necessarily female.

BigFatGoalie · 05/12/2019 20:12

clangus00 did she start her new thread on Nethuns?! Grin