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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the Tesco's cashier was out of order?

247 replies

Youngmamaa2 · 05/12/2019 14:47

Iv just been shopping with DS 2yo and DD 9months, both sat in the trolly. I went to go pay, the cashier asked how many bags I'd like, I told him how many. Both kids where been quiet,minding their own business in the trolly. The cashier looks at them and turns to me and says "they don't look like brothers at all"...
Fair enough getting the gender wrong, shes not got alot of hair & was in a brown coat.
But to make me feel abit shit that they don't look alike.
Both kids have the same dad. Just my son is bright blonde hair blue eyes and the double of his dad and DD is mousy brown hair and dark eyes, like me.
Aibu to think this comment was out of line? It's bothering me 😕

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 05/12/2019 16:48

In other news, person makes small talk.

Loads of siblings don't look alike. Would you be uptight if someone said "gosh they're the double of each other"? If not then you've got to chill on them not looking alike

Rachie1973 · 05/12/2019 16:49

Good grief. How over sensitive! I have 4 and my boys are similar but my girls don’t even look related, they’re quite literally like negatives. One blond one brunette, one tall one short, one dark skin tones, one porcelain pale.

Strangely my sons daughters are the same, and my sister and I as well, seems to be some strange genetic quirk. I couldn’t be offended by someone commenting about us all being polar opposites because it’s quite simply true.

WorryBadger · 05/12/2019 16:50

Poor lad has probably been told, as have many retail staff, that they MUST make conversation with every customer and after 4 hours having your mind pummelled to goo with the monotony of sitting on a till I expect he just said the first thing that popped into his head.

What were you expecting, a sonnet?

TroysMammy · 05/12/2019 16:52

You are a bit touchy.

I looked nothing like my sister, born 2 years apart. She had blond wispy curls and I had brown straight hair. It didn't help that people said I looked like my Dad's brother!

My DM was embarrassed about that because for the first few years of marriage they lived with my Dad's mother and brother.

Growing up we always had short hair and people used to ask my DM "how old are your boys?" She didn't spend her days upset about the comments she heard.

Likethebattle · 05/12/2019 16:53

Me and my brother are opposite in colouring and personalities and people are often shocked that we are even related let alone siblings so our family have heard this for over 40 years.

Straycatstrut · 05/12/2019 16:55

I have two apparently "feminine" looking boys, same dad 7 & 3. They get called girls every week at some point. Eldest is a golden blondie with natural highlights, surfer type hair, blue eyes. Youngest darker brown curls. Both totally different faces.

It's not an issue in the grand scheme of life, their dad walking out & both their illnesses.

madcatladyforever · 05/12/2019 16:59

Why were you offended by that. My sister and I look like we're from different countries. Neither of care about people commenting on it.

Ken1976 · 05/12/2019 17:00

My 2 boys were only 15 months apart. Both very light blond hair and by the time they were 2/3 they were the same height. They also look nothing alike Wink

BennyTheBall · 05/12/2019 17:00

Meh. Wouldn't bother me - she was just chatting.

My sons look nothing alike, I have 3 sisters and all look completely different. I think it's a good thing.

MummytoCSJH · 05/12/2019 17:03

I agree that it was weird. Saying 'they don't look like brothers' is definitely different than saying 'they don't look very alike' almost as if he was suggesting something. But so what if they weren't brothers/they'd been adopted or by different dads. Seems like small talk but not very well thought out.

iwannagohome · 05/12/2019 17:07

I couldn't get upset over this

NameChangeNugget · 05/12/2019 17:10

❄️

Lexplorer · 05/12/2019 17:17

a) 'No, I suppose not' and smile.
or
b) say nothing, get offended, stew, start a thread on Mumsnet.

It's so much better for your mental well-being to choose a).

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 05/12/2019 17:21

YABU and for what it’s worth my oldest two share a father but my youngest ds doesn’t have the same dad and they all look so alike it’s ridiculous strong genes in my family clearly. They all look like me.

WorraLiberty · 05/12/2019 17:23

I thank God every day that I don't know anyone in my RL who gets as easily offended as some Mumsnetters do.

Honestly if I did, I'd stay the hell away from them.

There have been some batshit crazy 'reasons' to take offence on here lately and this is certainly one of them.

malmi · 05/12/2019 17:24

For every person like OP, there's another person who would have been offended if the comment had been "oooh you can tell they're brother and sister" when in fact they have distinct personalities and they're not just clones of each other and what a shitty thing to say

Butterfly98 · 05/12/2019 17:24

Reminds me of a comment that was said by a teacher to a friend of mine at parents evening some years ago. Teacher who had a habit of putting her foot it in said jokingly 'are you sure she's yours as there's no resemblance'?! To which my friend replied dryly 'she's adopted'!!

OP I don't think the cashier meant any offence, probably just having a bit of chit chat!

Enko · 05/12/2019 17:27

I used to get asked if dd1 was mine. She looks like mil and her family the other 3 look more like my family colouring wise

tillytoodles1 · 05/12/2019 17:28

Father Christmas called my daughter "little boy" and she cried because she thought she'd get boys toys for Christmas and her brother would keep them. Try sorting that out.

nachthexe · 05/12/2019 17:29

I had residential care of a dd who had been adopted from China who was the same age as (very white) strawberry blonde dd1. Grin

Buddyelf · 05/12/2019 17:30

I suppose it’s the way it’s said. If it’s said in a nice chatty way it’s fine, if it’s said in a sort of way that makes you feel like she’s insinuating something then I can see why it would bother you. I sort of feel a bit put out when people say it about my 2 girls and I’m not sure why? Maybe it makes me feel like they are implying I’ve had an affair and one isn’t my DHs?? I don’t know Confused

Drabarni · 05/12/2019 17:31

He was just making conversation. Lots of people don't look like their siblings. I think you were just supposed to reply, no they don't.
Do you often over react like this and struggle to hold a conversation at a basic level?

Bluerussian · 05/12/2019 17:34

It wasn't a shitty thing to say. Some people feel they have to make a comment, my view it's better to say nothing if you have nothing to say but I imagine supermarket staff are told to be pleasant and make conversation. You're being a bit sensitive, looking for an insult where none was intended.

Put it behind you!

BettysLeftTentacle · 05/12/2019 17:38

Why would it make you feel bad that they don’t look alike? Is it some sort of failure?!

This thread is weird.

JinglingHellsBells · 05/12/2019 17:39

Unbelievable that you got upset over that!

It's really common for people to say' Ooooh they look alike' or 'Ooooh they don't look alike.'

God help you if someone says anything really offensive.

Get over yourself.