“We have had paedophiles here”

[NicEv]

I took my kids age three and six swimming at a local leisure centre tonight. After swimming we got in the shower which is a mixed shower located in the changing room. My three year old was cold so she took her costume off while showering. I was emptying the locker and grabbing towels nearby and I saw member of staff approach my little girl and tell her to put her costume back on. I said “she is cold, I am just grabbing towels “ and she said “no nudity in the shower”. I replied “she is three !” And the woman then said in front of both my kids “she needs to be dressed, we have had paedophiles here before”. Prompting my six year old to say “what is a paedophile mummy?” At which point the member of staff just walked off.

AIBU to be cross about this - I feel annoyed she told my three year old to put her costume back on and really cross she made the comment about paedophiles in front of the kids.

Wow that is completely inappropriate. She should have had a quiet word with you so the children didn't hear.

She could have been more discreet but she was following management orders and tbh her message was important.

I'd be mildly irritated but that's all.

Completely inappropriate to speak to your child like that. Fine if that's their policy, she needs to tell you, not a 3 year old!

I think there was a better way of wording it to the kids and a quiet word in your ear about the paedos.

Worded incorrectly in front of your 3 year old. However, I would be so pleased she was proactively enforcing the rules that I would probably let it go.

Thanks for the responses - it had genuinely never occurred to me that there would be a problem with a three year old taking her cossie off in the shower. Not sure whether I am too complacent or whether the approach is over zealous. My little one was quite upset and felt she had been told off by the lady - once we were in the cubicle she kept asking me if I had locked the door so nobody could see her without her costume on . She is only three years old - It just seems so young for her to be worrying about covering up

Imo it’s good that the staff are trying to prevent nudity and protect children. You WBVU to let your child take her clothes off in public in the first place. The staff member shouldn’t have had to protect her - you should have done it.

Complain about the staff member - and the mixed showers!

If she is in a public space it is down to you to protect her nudity. No, the member of staff shouldn’t have said anything in front of her but you put your daughter in that position. Don’t be so naive.

Eh? My child will come to no harm from paedophiles, whether naked or not if I am present. The hysteria is shocking.

I would suggest the leisure centre address the abnormal behaviour of paedophiles, rather than the normal day to day activities of a 3 year old.

Oh ok, I would just rather that paedophiles didn’t oggle my naked children but each to their own.

Well yes, YANBU to be annoyed at the way the staff member acted, that wasn’t appropriate at all, but doesn’t this just hammer home the point that mixed showering areas are a very bad idea? Given that 98% of sexual offenders are male, it would be 98% less likely that any female child would encounter one, and if a male did enter, the staff would immediately know who to be suspicious of.

It would be 98% less likely a female child would encounter a paedophile if the showers were single sex I meant. Everybody knows mixed sex changing and showering areas are dangerous for females ffs.

Why on earth would you let your child be naked in a mixed sex public space? YWVVU.
It doesn't matter how old she is she needs to know that her private parts are just that.
Yes in an ideal world the staff member could have been more discreet but I'd just appreciate the fact that she's diligent enough to tell you rather than allow your child to be potentially viewed or photographed whilst naked by a paedophile.
Let it go and learn from it.

🎣

Paedophiles will ogle your children whether naked or not, I can guarantee they'll have been ogled before now and you just haven't noticed because no one "ogling" children is being overt about it and unless you can read minds you would have no idea who is or isn't thinking about your children. If you are with your child, supervising them, and not allowing them to wander off with strangers at the pool then any paedophiles present are of no immediate danger to your children as ogling is not the same thing as access (and your child is far more likely to be abused by someone they know than a stranger at the pool - over 90% of children who are sexually abused are abused by a trusted adult such as a family member or family friend. Like I said, access is far more dangerous than ogling and you're not likely to give random strangers access are you?)

OP, the member of staff should have approached you and not your child. They should have simply stated that it is company policy that bathing suits must be worn in communal/public areas and left it at that. I would feed it back to them as it sounds like the member of staff could do with a training refresher on what approach to take.

This is why I’ve gone off swimming with my 3 yo even though she loves it.
She has excema and can handle it if has a proper shower (no cossy) in water not too hot then her excema cream on before clothes, otherwise she has a flare up after swimming.
Showers and changing areas are mixed. Everyone has a quick rinse under with cossy on. Water is too hot for her to tolerate a proper rinse after swimming.
Thought about using disabled area which has temp controlled shower and privacy to rinse all chlorine off but felt wrong for using it, what if we were holding up a wheelchair user.
Wish the changing area was single sex like when I was growing up, I was big into swimming and it was accepted that women and kids sometimes were naked in the showers and having a proper wash.
No anxiety about paedophiles looking at little kids

Blimey - I definitely wouldn’t have allowed anyone to photograph her with or without her costume on!

She does understand her private parts are private within reason - she is only three.

Thanks for all the different view points - a lot to reflect on. I would never ever willingly place my child in danger so if people who are commenting could dial down the vitriol a little that would be great - I am not saying I don’t want to hear alternative view points and I will reflect on all how comments but please don’t accuse me of putting my little one at risk, that is a pretty horrible allegation. I was watching her the whole time and there was no one else in the showers with us,

Making the showers and changing room single sex would definitely reduce considerably the chances of your daughter, you or any other female being the victims of a predator

Yes it did occur to me that if they have had problems with paedophiles in the mixed showers then perhaps the answer is having separate showers rather than insisting that little girls have to remain clothed to stop predators ogling them

OP I can see both sides, at a beach there are often 3yr olds running about naked so you are not that unusual. That being said I have always kept pants on mine as it fits with my wider message to DC that bottoms are private.

FFS. Paedo-panic of this kind does nothing but make kids ashamed and scared of their own bodies. It is perfectly normal, natural and safe for small children to be briefly unclothed in a changing room, with their parents present. Nonces do not hang about in the changing room on the off-chance, with their cocks out - the risk of getting battered by an angry parent is far too high.

Jesus Christ why is the onus on a prepubescent child to keep her clothes on rather than keeping men away from mixed changing facilities? The world is mad.

You're being ridiculous. A three year old won't understand the word paedophile. I very much doubt she was triggered by it.

Also being ridiculous allowing her to be naked and unsupervised in public. You put her at risk, give the child some dignity and take her with you in future to grab towels. Lets face it, most adults wouldn't use a public shower naked and shouldn't allow their child to either.........yes, I know we should be able to but sadly there are freaks and weirdos out there which the staff member will be all too aware of.

not all child sex offenders are male for goodness sake, single sex showers hardly eradicates the likehood does it. How do any of you even know the staff member was not referring to a woman? Presumably the staff member also would have asked you to cover up your son if he were nude, if the policy is no nudity in the showers. I am not sure making this a gendered issue is necessary ( for once).

If your DC didn't know what a paedophile was OP, hearing the word has not done her any damage and although the staff member sounds abrupt, clearly your DD's nudity was visible from somewhere, or by someone if she was in the position of coming over to discuss.

Obviously it goes without saying that it should be fine and there is nothing sexualised about a child's nudity, but that is for MOST of us, sadly not for everyone and that is why I'd simply avoid having the DC nude in a public place. If it bothers you how you were spoken to OP then write in and comment that you felt the language and/or tone was not commensurate with what was going on and request they take this on board.