“We have had paedophiles here”

[NicEv]

I took my kids age three and six swimming at a local leisure centre tonight. After swimming we got in the shower which is a mixed shower located in the changing room. My three year old was cold so she took her costume off while showering. I was emptying the locker and grabbing towels nearby and I saw member of staff approach my little girl and tell her to put her costume back on. I said “she is cold, I am just grabbing towels “ and she said “no nudity in the shower”. I replied “she is three !” And the woman then said in front of both my kids “she needs to be dressed, we have had paedophiles here before”. Prompting my six year old to say “what is a paedophile mummy?” At which point the member of staff just walked off.

AIBU to be cross about this - I feel annoyed she told my three year old to put her costume back on and really cross she made the comment about paedophiles in front of the kids.

I supposed because arguably single sex changing rooms will still attract paedophiles

In my local leisure centre you’d think the male changing rooms was the equivalent of the loos on hampstead heath.

To the point that mums never send their boys in. The female changing rooms is heaving with males from toddler to 15 or 16. My 11 year old dd once opened a shower cubicle to find a teenaged boy fully naked having a shower- his mum wasn’t even in the change room, she’d left him in there while she took her younger dd to her swim class.

I also saw a mum walk her son (taller than her) through the female change rooms to the female toilets with her hands over his eyes saying don’t look!

Then the mums waiting outside sending their plainly uncomfortable older boys in to use the female toilets.

If you question it the answer is they can’t expect these boys to use the male change on their own, there are men in there! Sometimes partially naked men getting changed! Paedo’s!!!

Pissed me off no end. thank god they’ve given up swimming!!

I did complain to staff, many times. Nothing ever done.

@dontgobaconmyheart

I am not sure making this a gendered issue is necessary ( for once).
It's of course a gendered issue as 98% of paedophilea are men and the small amount of females who sexually abuse children often does in tandem with male partners.

Op personally i dont see an issue with a 3 yo being naked in a public pool shower under your supervision. Just like i didnt mind my dc being naked on the beach etc whilst little. Far more harm comes of being made to feel anxious about our naked bodies. I certainly wasn't going to allow the worry of peadophiles looking at my children to take away that beautiful freedom of feeling comfortable in their own skins whilst it lasted.

The child was three, nakedness is not an issue!

@DuMondeB
If they have had known paedophiles in their open-to-all changing rooms, they need to rethink their changing room design.
Exactly this!

The one and only time I used a mixed sex changing village a man put his head under my cubicle partition.
That was 20 years ago, so leisure centres are well aware of the problem
God that's awful.

@GoodbyeRosie
Just because you choose to take your daughter into the men's changing room why does that mean as a woman I'm forced to change in a mixed space with my children.
When my two were little my husband would take son with him and I'd take daughter, if wasn't around then both would come in with me and once my son was around 7 we would change in a cubicle in the ladies.
Mixed spaces are fine for men but most women prefer gender specific spaces.

We have Paedophiles here.
Hold on why are Paedos even allowed in the place. I don’t understand.

Are you sure they didn't say speedos?

There is actually no evidence to suggest these so-called ‘women with male appendages’ have a different offending profile from bog-standard males. That’s what the uninformed assume but the reality is that the available evidence, which is limited, tells us their offending profile is the same as other males and media coverage certainly points in that direction. In the current climate it is difficult to conduct any research that may portray transwomen in a negative light, so this is what we have to go on at the moment.

Hi chaplin, it's a misunderstanding. By "women with male appendages" I was not referring to males, but to real women, females with fake reconstructed penises, otherwise known as "transmen".
I agree with the above entirely.
Sometimes it's confusing, using the word "man" and "woman" to refer to the opposite sex, so I never do it.

Thanks for setting me right, Undercovergirl. Those females pose a different problem. How can a typical member of the public distinguish between a genetic male and female who has transitioned? Unlike transwomen, I believe that transmen, apart from perhaps being small in stature, often ‘pass’ quite well.

Are you sure they didn't say speedos?

Yes hobnob peados in speedos are everywhere

Totally agree with everything doggodogington says! Beyond me in the society we live in why any child should be allowed to walk around naked! Yea pedos fantasise about fully clothed children but why on earth would you put your child in a vulberable position..all very well saying you were present and no pedo could touch,does the thought of her being ogled sit ok so long as shes not touched!

"Eh? My child will come to no harm from paedophiles, whether naked or not if I am present. The hysteria is shocking."
It will encourage them to visit the pool more often if they know they get to see naked children. Also, why on earth would you be happy knowing they could be looking at your child?

I am obviously not “happy” paedophiles could be looking at my child. However, I also don’t want to make her paranoid and self conscious - for me , it’s about getting a balance between protecting without over reacting and making her fearful.

She is only three - not much more than a baby really. She is free spirited and happy and has no shame or embarrassment about her little body.

From now on I will just go somewhere that has a single sex or private shower option.

I have read and reflected on all the comments thank you. I still believe the staff member should not have approached my little girl direct and should not have spoken about paedophiles in front of my kids. I will vote with my feet and not go back.

Her behaviour was totally unprofessional. I would raise it with management. She should never have said paedophile in front of your kids and PPs are quite right when they said swimming costumes are irrelevant.

Sadly because of the society we now live in it means we do have to emphasise to our children things that in a perfect world we shouldnt have to. My oldest ds is a grown man, my youngest ds is a toddler, i have to approach things and teach my toddler things that never would have occurred to me when my eldest was his age. It is sad, yes, young children should be free spirits but with the filth we live among now we have to approach this and protect them. I dont agree with mixed showers etc, of course it is going to attract pedos and i personally wouldnt use them...society needs to go back to basics and give mothers/carers availability to private facilities to tend to young children..as for the staff member, well, i would say the staff have witnessed the vile acts and extremes these individuals have stooped to and feel very passionate about preventing it..

@Tringhana:
@GoodbyeRosie
Just because you choose to take your daughter into the men's changing room why does that mean as a woman I'm forced to change in a mixed space with my children.
When my two were little my husband would take son with him and I'd take daughter, if wasn't around then both would come in with me and once my son was around 7 we would change in a cubicle in the ladies.
Mixed spaces are fine for men but most women prefer gender specific spaces.

I don’t think refusing to recognise the other side to this helps. The fact is some dads take their daughters swimming. Like a friend of mine who is a single dad to a little girl after they lost her mother. If we are saying that mixed spaces are not safe, then either Dads can’t take daughters swimming at all, or they have to take them into men’s changing rooms, which surely isn’t good either, if we are saying that mixing men and women is a danger to women (and girls) because men are more of a threat.
That doesn’t mean there doesn’t need to be a discussion around this. There does, and solutions need to be found that are more complex than either mixed or men’s and women’s.
Near us we have one pool that does a combo of all three, so one men’s, one women’s, one mixed (labelled family) with showers in each so you can choose. We have another that does 2 showers with lockable doors, several out in a mixed area, and cubicles only.
So there are ways round an either/or alternative. But dismissing people who also just want to take their kids swimming is not helpful and that is how it reads.

Lets face it, most adults wouldn't use a public shower naked

I do at my pool and am rarely the only woman doing so. Obviously not in a mixed one but a lot of people are suggesting it's outlandish to do so in a female-only one as well.

@babybythesea
You makes good point but I'm sick of men demanding to invade women's safe spaces.
If dads want to take their daughters swimming 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 well done but rather than subjecting me to a mixed space campaign for a "Dad daughter" changing room or family change alongside safe areas that women can use with young children and more importantly where my 12 year old DD and her friends can change without the threat of men "accidentally" looking at them!!

Are you sure they didn't say speedos?

Paedophiles are everywhere there are children (DH is child protection) so you should always be aware and diligent. At parks they just sit discretely and watch children play

If you condition your child to run around naked or be naked in public, how do you also teach them that their privates are ‘private’ and shouldn’t be shown to anyone else? Including other school children their age?

I ask this because that’s one of my earliest childhood memories at school and it makes me hugely uncomfortable.

Mixed shower areas is a terrible idea

Children can shower with their swimming costumes on and still feel 'free-spirited and happy and comfortable in their bodies'

When I read your title, I thought you were talking about MN. There definitely seems to be an upsurge in a 'certain' kind of poster lately.