“We have had paedophiles here”

[NicEv]

I took my kids age three and six swimming at a local leisure centre tonight. After swimming we got in the shower which is a mixed shower located in the changing room. My three year old was cold so she took her costume off while showering. I was emptying the locker and grabbing towels nearby and I saw member of staff approach my little girl and tell her to put her costume back on. I said “she is cold, I am just grabbing towels “ and she said “no nudity in the shower”. I replied “she is three !” And the woman then said in front of both my kids “she needs to be dressed, we have had paedophiles here before”. Prompting my six year old to say “what is a paedophile mummy?” At which point the member of staff just walked off.

AIBU to be cross about this - I feel annoyed she told my three year old to put her costume back on and really cross she made the comment about paedophiles in front of the kids.

I think that leisure centers have mixed changing because single changing will lead to mums (and it's almost always mums) bringing in boys who are too old to be in the ladies.

This isn't a dig at OP whose older child is 6 btw. I mean the people who insist that 10 is far too young to be in the mens sort of people.

The hysteria here is ridiculous. You did nothing wrong OP - leisure centre policy is OTT and staff member was stupid to use that language, really dropping you in it.

To some of the posters saying single sex changing fixes the problem - what about if Dad takes kids swimming? Is he not allowed to get them changed in the male changing room in case one of the other occupants looks at them? Pretty difficult to go swimming without taking clothes off at some point, and hardly any pools I've been to have cubicled changing rooms.

Some kids today must be thinking all strangers are out to rape and murder them - what a terrifying way to grow up. Supervise your kids in public, people, and all will be fine. Jesus wept.

Eh? My child will come to no harm from paedophiles, whether naked or not if I am present. The hysteria is shocking.
Exactly. There's nothing wrong with naked three year olds. Ridiculous.

Why on EARTH would you allow your child to be naked in a MIXED changing rooms/Shower?????

Sorry to sound goady but this boggles my mind!

@Pinkpanther473 I would use the accessible changing room. Your DD has a need and that’s what it’s for. I say this as a person with disabilities, please use it and enjoy swimming with your little girl.

@Rachie1973 Eh? My child will come to no harm from paedophiles, whether naked or not

What the actual f?! So a paedo fantasising about your child who they saw naked, that doesn't bother you?

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I don’t think the member of staff did anything wrong, please don’t complain. Are there any signs regarding showering? I do agree that leisure centres should have men, women and family changing and showering facilities.

I don’t understand so many people saying that single sex changing rooms or showers solve the problem. They just create new problems as young daughters will still have to go shower and change with their dads if they have taken them swimming, and I would rather put up with any amount of mixed sex inconvenience than have to send my son into a men only space where I can’t keep a watchful eye at 8 years old or whatever they decide the age limit is.

Of course in an ideal world all pools would have private family showering and changing spaces but in the real world pools have to work with the space they have got and we all have to show a bit of understanding of the challenges they face.

@NicEv I do however, fully agree that the Staff member was bang out of order. Your 6yr old will likely always remember the scary lady at the pool talking about paedophiles

A stranger telling my 3 year old what to do whilst I'm in earshot would have made me livid.
I would have told her that if she has any issues relating to my child's conduct then she can speak to me.
There is absolutely no reason that stranger got up and close to your naked three year old other than to make herself feel big and clever.
Your poor 6 year old has now been taught something that you now have to explain causing more distress.
I would probably have replied "I'll answer that question after we leave but do you remember what mummy taught you about stranger danger? Come away from this stranger."

@Caiti19 agree with you 100%

@Shesalittlemadam. Because she’s ONLY THREE!!!!! Seriously, never go to the beach in summer you’ll have a heart attack.

Was this a north London pool where parents aren’t allowed to sit poolside during lessons to help their children if they cry, but total strangers are allowed to sit pool side and watch the kids for as long as they want if they pay for a sauna?

It wouldn't cross my mind to get my 3 year old naked in a same-sex public leisure centre shower. You were naive and I'm not surprised you were reminded of 'no nudity' policy.

My children are older now.

I think it is more important to teach children not to feel shame at their own bodies, and impart my own messages about keeping them safe.

I really do not care if someone is ogling their bodies. I can do nothing about other people's thoughts. I want to keep my children safe from their actions.

And yes single sex changing areas are a better idea.

What the actual f?! So a paedo fantasising about your child who they saw naked, that doesn't bother you? shockshockshockshockshockshock

You seriously believe that this would only happen if the child is naked? You don’t think that people with normal sexual proclivities might fantasise about naked Brad Pitt, or naked

I’d be cross at this too. I’m not sure what I’d do about it though.

@SunniDay great point. Single sex showers come with their own problems.

OP, you're not being unreasonable at all. The member of staff handled that terribly and either their policy or implementation needs improvement. Of course you should raise it with the leisure centre management.

Ignore the ridiculous trolls like Shesalittlemadam. You've not endangered your child in any way and you're protecting their innocence which is important.

Stranger danger has not risen for children.

I was allowed to play around naked on the beach as a young child. I would want the same for children today. Children don't have shame and I think adults should teach them about the world, without turning it into a place where danger is lurking round every shower cubicle or sandcastle.

I can see both points of view, but single sex changing rooms are not going to solve the issue are they ?

If I as man take my daughter swimming , I still have to go in the mixed or male changing area...or am I not allowed to take my daughter swimming now?

There are areas, such as the beach, parks even fountains in towns and cities, where kids 'get naked' in the summer. You cannot police these areas.

Simply, for me, there's a limit to how much I'm going censure mine and my daughters actions in case someone else sexualise's them.

God my kids used to get naked in all sorts of public places but most definitely the beach. I always think people who are most concerned about lurking paedophiles are of a similar mindset

She could have been more discreet but she was following management orders and tbh her message was important

How do you know she was following management orders?

I would complain. Or put on the pool/ councils social media that a staff member has told you that they have a problem with paedophiles visiting the pool and all children are to remain clothed/costumed at all times.

"for awareness" you know. If they aren't making their paedophile issue known the public need to be informed.

Bet they backtrack pretty quickly.

I work in leisure centre management and there is absolutely no way staff would be instructed to tell people we have paedophiles! How to put yourself out of business.

This staff member wasn't being helpful or trying to protect. They were simply trying to scare you and a three year old into doing what she wanted you to do.

I would absolutely complain. The member of staff shouted at a naked 3 year old. Sounds like a bully.

You did nothing wrong. Kids run around naked on beaches every summer. Your daughter should not be being taught to be ashamed of her body at 3, let alone any age.

As for mixed showers, I wouldn’t be comfortable sending my 9yo DS off to the Men’s changing room alone!

Perhaps someone was actually in the centre whom the employee was concerned about. When you argued, because you clearly knew better, she felt she had to be quite direct to get her message across. Good on her for putting safeguarding your children above offending you.

Better that than the alternative AIBU - staff saw a suspected paedophile walk into the leisure centre whilst my daughter was naked and didn't suggest I cover her up.

I would call manager and ask exactly what problems they had had in the past ? And if that was the truth why don't they have single sex changing rooms