“We have had paedophiles here”

[NicEv]

I took my kids age three and six swimming at a local leisure centre tonight. After swimming we got in the shower which is a mixed shower located in the changing room. My three year old was cold so she took her costume off while showering. I was emptying the locker and grabbing towels nearby and I saw member of staff approach my little girl and tell her to put her costume back on. I said “she is cold, I am just grabbing towels “ and she said “no nudity in the shower”. I replied “she is three !” And the woman then said in front of both my kids “she needs to be dressed, we have had paedophiles here before”. Prompting my six year old to say “what is a paedophile mummy?” At which point the member of staff just walked off.

AIBU to be cross about this - I feel annoyed she told my three year old to put her costume back on and really cross she made the comment about paedophiles in front of the kids.

She told you the policy, you argued with her. Of course she then had to be more direct with you.

Would you feel comfortable if a man was in there without anything on? We wear clothes in public for a reason, to protect our modesty and also not to make other people uncomfortable. It’s not about victim shaming a three year old. You wouldn’t put naked pictures of her online. She can have a shower with a bather on, thousands of other children and adults manage every day.

Oh ok, I would just rather that paedophiles didn’t oggle my naked children but each to their own.

Are you okay with them oggling your child wearing a clingy costume?

What possible difference could it make? A paedophile is going to ogle a child, irrespective of what she wears.

Of course, single sex changing rooms would negate the need to slut shame a 3 year old at all.

Given the fact that it’s no longer just females using female changing rooms they might just as well all be communal anyway

Or, as females, we should insist that they are female only, not mixed, not open to any deviant who can use the self-id loophole (which appears to be being implemented as though it is law even though it isn't) to claim they are female.
We should be standing up for our rights, not just 'meh' ing and covering up.

I would not like mixed showers in a swimming pool area. Small boys with mothers fair enough, otherwise women only, And not ‘women’ with men’s sexual bits.

Omg, nobody is slut shaming a three year old and that’s a pretty disgusting way to look at it.
Fine, you guys are welcome to let your children go naked in public, put naked photos of them on your Facebook too while you’re at it as there is no difference.
I will continue to protect my children’s privacy, they have been washing in their swimsuits for years and it’s never caused any issues.
I am wondering though, do you wear your swim suit in the shower?

Please call the Manager or write to them to let them know you won't be back because of the mixed sex showers.
If we all start speaking out then things might change.

Actually i think it's refreshing to see a staff member in a public space being honest about the risks. Feminists at the moment are repeatedly hitting a brick wall in trying to protect children in these situations so it makes a change that she gives a shit tbh. You can just say a paedophile is a very bad man (usually) who hurts children or does other bad things to them, surely? I see awareness as better than ignorance.

So much hysteria here. OP you've done nothing wrong.

Hysteria is a misogynistic word which reinforces the idea that women are inherently irrational. Meanwhile men are perfectly sane when they invent and drop nuclear bombs etc

RuffleCrow the child is three! Far too young to be scared with tales of a very bad man who hurts children lurking around the swimming pool! (My 3 year old is afraid of the lizard in Superworm). I would just have brushed off the question about what it meant with something like “I’m not sure darling” and he would have soon forgotten about it.

Complain about the staff member - and the mixed showers!

I was going to post this, too.

For those saying that a 3-yo shouldn't be naked in "public" - don't talk soft! I'm willing to bet it's men causing the problem, so in that case the mixed showers and changing should be altered.

YANBU OP.

So sad to see that blaming women and girls for men's criminality and perversion starts so early.

Mixed sex showers seem to be the issue here. Hope that you can find a pool with women only facilities OP.

If they have had known paedophiles in their open-to-all changing rooms, they need to rethink their changing room design.

Single sex showers and a few ‘family’ spaces* for parents accompanying opposite sex children would be a good start.

The one and only time I used a mixed sex changing village a man put his head under my cubicle partition.
That was 20 years ago, so leisure centres are well aware of the problem.

• similar to the facilities for the disabled with their own shower, but in addition, so that accessible provision is kept free for those who need it.

I'm sorry. But is this not the same as 'she asked for it?' Blame the 3-year-old. Fuck me. Shameful that anyone would even have such a take on this ridiculous situation with an out-of-line staff member.

Call me naive, but I just assume that most people in a changing room are not pervs. And I was that child who was sexually abused by a neighbour in my own family home, in my bedroom in fact and again, a few days later as I was outside playing ball in the front yard. I suppose it was my fault. All that 'playing with my dolls' in my bedroom was just too beguiling. And I was fully dressed.

You have done NOTHING wrong here OP. Your daughter has done NOTHING wrong here. If there is a policy in place at that leisure centre, their job is to post signs everywhere and then politely remind swimmers of this policy when it hasn't been adhered to. All that this staff member had to do was gently say, "We have a policy," in a really gentle way and point to the sign stressing that policy. It didn't have to turn all weird and hysterical. I'd complain, OP. There is a better way of handling this and that staff member needs to learn from her mistake.

But have they had problem with paedophiles? Or was it just a way to shut you up and make you think you were properly unreasonable to have your 3yo naked in the shower?

Because it sounds to me like what some people would automatically say in that sort of situation.

If they have had known paedophiles in their open-to-all changing rooms, they need to rethink their changing room design.

Absolutely.
It's not a perfect solution, but it is as close to perfect as one can get.
At my leisure centre, there are family changing rooms and cubicles. Children are not at all allowed in the adult changing rooms or adult showers. They use the family area and there are rinse-off showers for everyone next to the pool.
I've never not been able to get access to the family area. There is always either a full room or cubicle available. So, clearly, it works.

Caiti19, you seem to be the only person on here talking sense.

As for a 3yo being naked in the showers...
I hope none of you have been to a beach in France. Because children, much older than 3yo, will get naked there to get changed etc... Actually some 3yo will be left to play in the sand naked too.

If it's their policy then fair enough but she should've have had the decency and common sense to speak to you in private about the matter and not in front of your children.

I would have thought no nudity in mixed showering facilities was common sense. You didn't think that applied to your child. The staff member told you it did. End of story. I can't understand what the issue is. I also don't understand why sjowering with her costume on makes her colder

Nobody is blaming the three year old ffs. It is always always the fault of the paedophile. As a parent though I try to protect my children the best way I can from prying eyes. Yes, children should be able to run around naked without the risk of coming into contact with these people, but these sick people seek out any form of contact with children.
When my DD is older, I shall tell her to get a taxi home from a night out, not because it’ll be her fault if she walks and gets attacked, but because I don’t want her ever to be in that position.
I don’t want a paedo to take a photo of my naked child and share it amongst his/her friends for the sake of having a shower in a swim suit. And if you think there isn’t a difference between a fully clothed child to a naked child to a paedo you must live in cloud cuckoo land.

Pedophiles will fetishise everything about a child. You cannot control or mediate that by controlling your own child. Yes, they are sexualised. But so too is infantile clothing, dummies, school uniform. Where do we draw the line before we say deal with the problem not the victim?

They have had problems with paedophiles? Really?! How would they know unless there has been some kind of serious assault or kidnapping attempt?