“We have had paedophiles here”

[NicEv]

I took my kids age three and six swimming at a local leisure centre tonight. After swimming we got in the shower which is a mixed shower located in the changing room. My three year old was cold so she took her costume off while showering. I was emptying the locker and grabbing towels nearby and I saw member of staff approach my little girl and tell her to put her costume back on. I said “she is cold, I am just grabbing towels “ and she said “no nudity in the shower”. I replied “she is three !” And the woman then said in front of both my kids “she needs to be dressed, we have had paedophiles here before”. Prompting my six year old to say “what is a paedophile mummy?” At which point the member of staff just walked off.

AIBU to be cross about this - I feel annoyed she told my three year old to put her costume back on and really cross she made the comment about paedophiles in front of the kids.

There may well be pedophiles who get their kicks from seeing naked children but I can't for the life of my see how that leads to the conclusion that children should be dressed at all times even in settings where it is perfectly natural and convenient for them to be naked. Does that mean that women should be covered up so as not to provoke rapists? I am sure there are pedophiles who also get their kicks from children who are dressed, does that mean that children should not be seen in public then?

Christ, the answers to this are hysterical. There are naked kids on European beaches all the time.
OP, I would change leisure centres.

Somebody upthread mentioned "women with male appendages".

It's not these people we need to be wary of in single sex changing rooms and showers. It's men who, under the proposed laws on Self-Id, will be able to use single sex female changing rooms and showers and other female safe places such as refuges and hospital wards, simply by saying "I identify as a woman". No need for surgery or hormones. They only have to claim femaleness, and enter a female shower unimpeded, and there's nothing women can do to prevent it.

ALL of the political parties vying in the coming election are in favour of this law. Some (LDs, Greens) have Self-ID as a priority,

Already, the proposed law is being enacted in many public toilets and changing rooms.

Many of the people who would take advantage of such a law are not actually transgender, but men with a sexual fetish.

On the MN feminist forum we often discuss it and we hope that more women presently are unaware of the proposed ruling will oppose it.
NCd for this post. If you'd like to discuss it more, come over to FWR!

Sorry, OP, for going off on a tangent but your little girl could be growing up in a world where she can not ever feel safe in a changing room or shower because a naked man will always have the right to be there too. That might sound a bit dramatic but it will be law, if current politicians have their say.

complain to the manager about them allowing paedophiles access.

on social media too.

If they know they have paedophiles they should be taking steps to prevent that access-not shaming little girls about their bodies.

"I would absolutely complain. The member of staff shouted at a naked 3 year old. Sounds like a bully."

Where does the OP say she shouted at the child?

Mixed showers are definately a problem for eczema sufferers. My ds needs to have a full strip down and proper wash straight out of the pool to stop his eczema flaring up. Luckily we go to a private gym with proper shower cubicles but I did stop his swimming lessons at a public pool because there was nowhere to get a decent shower.

@VestaTilley what has mixed showers got to do with anything?

Op, I would complain in writing to the Leisure Centre about the staff member and also about the mixed showers and tell them that because of the mixed showers you will not be returning. I hope your DC are ok. The staff member should have explained the no nudity policy quietly to you instead of shaming a 3yr old and talking about paedophiles in front of them. She sounds unhinged. And fuck mixed showers, we need to vote with out feet and wallets every time these are imposed on us.

Hidden cameras could potentially be a problem in communal changing rooms - which can be disguised as many things - peg, clock, air freshener, plug etc.

There are voyeur forums online where they post hidden camera changing room footage + tips.

Sorry OP but my kids are now adults but I never let them shower naked in the communal showers when they were small and none of the other parents did either.

To be fair, I think the employee did try to put it a bit more delicately to start with - she asked the girl to put her costume back on, then said no nudity in the showers - both times the OP made an excuse not to so she probably thought she had to make her reasoning more obvious. I doubt she meant to make the little girl think she'd done something wrong but there's only so many different ways to dance around the issue

I think mixed showers are fine, as others have pointed out, where are dads supposed to take their daughters if showers are single sex? And since some men prey on boys as well as girls, male changing rooms are not safe for unaccompanied older boys either. Our local pool has open mixed showers but also has some lockable cubicles next to them so that if you want to shower naked or are not happy in the mixed ones then you have a safe option. It's not that hard.

I will continue to protect my children’s privacy, they have been washing in their swimsuits for years and it’s never caused any issues.

And do you think for one moment that a paedophile is going to be put off ogling your child because your child has a swimming costume on? Paedophiles will look at children in normal clothes, so I hardly think a skimpy bit of lycra is going to be a barrier. There is nothing whatsoever that you can do to prevent people looking at your child, whatever they are wearing.

The majority of alleged sexual attacks at Britain’s public swimming pools and sports centres occur in unisex changing rooms, according to data obtained by The Sunday Times.

Nine out of 10 changing-room sexual complaints relate to incidents in unisex facilities — although they make up less than half of all provision.

Gender-neutral changing is growing as councils seek to cut staff costs and cater to transgender people. But one MP said it risked becoming a “magnet” for sex offenders and increased the danger to women and girls.

At least two-thirds of all sex incidents in public pools and leisure centres, whether inside or in the grounds, happen in unisex changing areas. Only a handful occur in single-sex changing rooms, the figures, released under freedom of information (FoI) laws, show.

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/sex-pests-target-women-in-mixed-changing-rooms-x3vw2lnv8

You could look them in the eye and say "what's the matter with you? Stop staring at my kid!" @lazylinguist. I don't like the defeatist tone of your post. There's always something parents can do to make their kids a bit safer.

Undercovergirl
Somebody upthread mentioned "women with male appendages".

It's not these people we need to be wary of in single sex changing rooms and showers. It's men who, under the proposed laws on Self-Id, will be able to use single sex female changing rooms and showers and other female safe places such as refuges and hospital wards, simply by saying "I identify as a woman". No need for surgery or hormones. They only have to claim femaleness, and enter a female shower unimpeded, and there's nothing women can do to prevent it.

There is actually no evidence to suggest these so-called ‘women with male appendages’ have a different offending profile from bog-standard males. That’s what the uninformed assume but the reality is that the available evidence, which is limited, tells us their offending profile is the same as other males and media coverage certainly points in that direction. In the current climate it is difficult to conduct any research that may portray transwomen in a negative light, so this is what we have to go on at the moment.

It may be that those with gender dysphoria (a very small proportion) behave differently from the sexually motivated (previously called transvestites) but no-one is looking at the possibility.

Where I live in small town outside Uk, there is clear labelling...first changing room communal and cubicles, men, then changing room for men with children, then changing room for women with children , then women’s changing room communal and with cubicles. No mixed plenty of nakedness. Feels pretty safe. I do get annoyed when older boy children come and use communal room with mother as there is another more suitable place to go. I think there would be riots if the facilities were changed to mixed.

I particularly like the fact that men cannot go past the women’s facilities without some effort...no excuse to be in there.

Since they know their mixed sex facilities attract pedophiles, why do they keep them?

I supposed because arguably single sex changing rooms will still attract paedophiles.

On the MN feminist forum we often discuss it and we hope that more women presently are unaware of the proposed ruling will oppose it.
NCd for this post. If you'd like to discuss it more, come over to FWR!

Perhaps it ought to be not mostly relegated and discussed on the FWR forum. I think that's a problem actually.

I know the subject pops up in other places, but I fail to see why a subject that involves all women should be mostly discussed and confined to one place. Many people remain ignorant about the entire issue.

Since they know their mixed sex facilities attract pedophiles, why do they keep them?

Cheaper. Can use remaining space for other uses.

I can't believe a staff member is allowed to say that to customers - especially those with little kids! Definitely makes you want to take your kids there doesn't it.... I wonder how they KNOW paedophiles have been there. Makes me feel a bit sick thinking about it. Were there signs up to tell you strictly no nakedness ALL adults and kids?

Personally I like to keep mine (3 & 7) covered at all times, but just think they deserve to/need to learn about privacy.

I supposed because arguably single sex changing rooms will still attract paedophiles.

In fewer numbers, probably dramatically fewer numbers because many of these sex offenders are opportunistic. I think the reasons are more to do with having subscribed to a certain ideology, having been (incorrectly) coached, probably by Stonewall or related organisations, that female facilities that exclude transwomen are against the law. Make the facilities mixed and you avoid offending the vocal trans lobby.

They have been told that this is the way the world is going, they might as well get with the programme early and be seen as progressive.

Also they could just invest in some private frosted doors on the showers like at my gym. I would never shower naked in front of others no matter what their sex; I'm not comfortable with it and have actual haunting memories of being forced to do it at school in front of everyone inc teachers.