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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU regarding wedding invite?

767 replies

Teapot77 · 04/12/2019 19:55

Totally prepared to be told IABU but I feel really hurt by this situation.

My DP and I got together in December 2018, his good friends who at the time were living in South Africa got engaged in February 2019 and I obviously hadn’t have met them prior the engagement. In March said couple returned to the UK for work and since then we have socialised with them most weekends and I have looked after their dog in several occasions and been out with the woman for dinner/drinks just the two of us.

Save the dates for the wedding were sent by email in April 2018 by this time I had met them several times - my partner received one a save the date. Last week we went out for dinner with 3 other couples including the engaged couple. After the starter the woman announced she would be handing out the wedding invites, couple A and B got an invite addressing both of them but my partners invite was just addressed to him. Everyone opened the invites whilst I sat feeling very uncomfortable. There has since been no explanation to me nor my partner about why I had not been invited. I don’t feel entitled to have an invite I feel excluded and hurt by the way the invites were distributed.

My partner is going on the Stag and has been involved in planning it. The wedding is in June 2020 in South Africa so the plan is for everyone to go for 10 days and make a holiday out of it too. This would therefore mean I miss out on a holiday with my partner as well as a holiday with the rest of the friendship group.

AIBU to feel really hurt the way the invites were distributed when I obviously didn’t get one? And to feel upset that I have not been invited at all?

OP posts:
SeaBear11 · 04/12/2019 19:58

You’re not wrong to be hurt at all, that’s incredibly rude of them.

TuttiCutie · 04/12/2019 19:58

YANBU but are you sure there hasn't been some mistake:oversight and you are actually invited?

FraglesRock · 04/12/2019 19:59

Yep I'd feel upset and i hope my partner would feel the same. What has he said.
Are the other couples married/living together etc and you two aren't?

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 04/12/2019 19:59

What has you're dp said on the matter, bit mean to expect him to go on holiday solo whilst everyone is going in couples and give invites infront of everyone.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/12/2019 20:00

I would be extremely confused by this. I also wonder why your partner isn't bothered? I would think he would feel very offended by this.

MotherOfLittlePeople · 04/12/2019 20:01

YANBU.

Has your partner asked or dropped any hints as to why?

Sexnotgender · 04/12/2019 20:01

That’s super awkward! Your partner needs to ask what the deal is.

Justmuddlingalong · 04/12/2019 20:01

Christ. How rude. There must be a back story, surely?

HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 04/12/2019 20:01

No YANBU.

You could still go on holiday with DP, they can't stop you from doing that. But it'll be pants when they all go to the wedding. What does your partner think about it? Guess you know where you stand with these peeps now though.

Sorry OP, fairly crap situation Thanks

GruciusMalfoy · 04/12/2019 20:01

Yanbu to be upset at how they were handed out in front of you. That's pretty darn rude. I can only presume the other couples were long term relationships, and longstanding friends to the couple?

CalmdownJanet · 04/12/2019 20:01

Yanbu that is monumentally rude! I would definitely expect my dp to say something. I mean I wouldn't go after that stunt but I would expect to say "Oi John wtf is with being so fucking rude to op?"

Smelborp · 04/12/2019 20:02

That’s incredibly rude of them. What does your partner think of it?

TheRightHonerable · 04/12/2019 20:03

No YANBU

I got married earlier this year and as a bride who planned a big (ish) wedding I can honestly say it’s really shitty behaviour and you should take it personally.

Some people may come along making ‘numbers’ or ‘costs’ excuses but you don’t spend most weekends with a couple, have them dog sit for you then leave one out - handing out the invites like that was awful too!

It’s a shame if DP is very close to them but if someone had done that to me I’d be distancing us swiftly and DH would be declining the invite!

🙄 good friends of DH’s made room for me at their wedding after dating for 5 months and never having met them (they live far away) I certainly didn’t expect that but it shows how people who care will make the effort!

MissRabbitNeedsAHoliday · 04/12/2019 20:03

YANBU that's incredibly rude. What has your partner said about it, is he happy just to go on holiday for 10 days without you?

Original poster
Teapot77 · 04/12/2019 20:03

I'm almost 100% sure it's not been oversight.

Other couples all live together but DP and I do not at the moment although the relationship is fairly serious. I tried to explain to DP that regardless of me not getting an invite it's unfair of them to expect him to go on a holiday with all couples on his own but he doesn't want to say anything as doesn't want to upset anyone.

DP said that he's sure someone will drop out and 'he will be first on the list to get a plus one' I sort of think this hurts me more knowing I'm the second choice is someone else can't make it.

OP posts:
chinam · 04/12/2019 20:04

Wow, the way they handed out the invitations is pretty crass behaviour on their part. YANBU.

Brimful · 04/12/2019 20:04

YANBU at all. What has your partner said?!

strawberry2017 · 04/12/2019 20:04

It makes no sense at all. I would be incredibly hurt and would be equally hurt if my partner went without me. By going on that holiday without you it would most likely mean other sacrifices will need to be made to afford it and it's going to effect your every day life. I think to do it whilst you were sat there too just shows how rude they are.

Africa2go · 04/12/2019 20:05

Does your partner have an ex who is invited / they're friends with and they were trying to take the middle ground?

If.not, I'd get your partner to politely ask why you're not invited.

Delatron · 04/12/2019 20:05

That’s awful. There can’t be a mistake as the invites were handed out in person. How awkward for you that everyone was invited except you. Why would they do it like that? Seems quite mean.

What does your DP say? He could always say he can come to the wedding but obviously won’t be able to make a holiday out of it as a teapot isn’t invited.. And see what they say.

Or you go to SA and just don’t go to the wedding but enjoy a holiday with your DP. And don’t socialise with them again!

There’ll be so much chat about this over the next few months I think I’d have to avoid them.

Justmuddlingalong · 04/12/2019 20:06

I'd be more upset with DP's reaction, or lack of. 💐

LagunaBubbles · 04/12/2019 20:06

That's so rude!! But there is no detail in your post about what your DP thinks.

FraglesRock · 04/12/2019 20:06

So he won't support you on this. Their happiness is more important than yours?

CareBear50 · 04/12/2019 20:06

On the Richter scale of rudeness this is a 100!!!

Poor you!!!!

I am actually angry for you!

catandadogandababy · 04/12/2019 20:06

What did your DP say?

When we sent our invites I asked 2 of DH friends if they wanted us to invite their new partner. One said yes and they are now a solid couple, the other one said no as he didn't think they would be together by the time our wedding came round they wasn't

Could it be that they asked your DP and he said he would prefer to go alone?

Either way it's pretty shitty to invite everyone at the table except one.

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