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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU regarding wedding invite?

767 replies

Teapot77 · 04/12/2019 19:55

Totally prepared to be told IABU but I feel really hurt by this situation.

My DP and I got together in December 2018, his good friends who at the time were living in South Africa got engaged in February 2019 and I obviously hadn’t have met them prior the engagement. In March said couple returned to the UK for work and since then we have socialised with them most weekends and I have looked after their dog in several occasions and been out with the woman for dinner/drinks just the two of us.

Save the dates for the wedding were sent by email in April 2018 by this time I had met them several times - my partner received one a save the date. Last week we went out for dinner with 3 other couples including the engaged couple. After the starter the woman announced she would be handing out the wedding invites, couple A and B got an invite addressing both of them but my partners invite was just addressed to him. Everyone opened the invites whilst I sat feeling very uncomfortable. There has since been no explanation to me nor my partner about why I had not been invited. I don’t feel entitled to have an invite I feel excluded and hurt by the way the invites were distributed.

My partner is going on the Stag and has been involved in planning it. The wedding is in June 2020 in South Africa so the plan is for everyone to go for 10 days and make a holiday out of it too. This would therefore mean I miss out on a holiday with my partner as well as a holiday with the rest of the friendship group.

AIBU to feel really hurt the way the invites were distributed when I obviously didn’t get one? And to feel upset that I have not been invited at all?

OP posts:
MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 09/12/2019 15:55

All this fuss when all she had to do was ask at the time oh, am I not invited then? Could have all been sorted out by now.

WildfirePonie · 09/12/2019 16:15

Yes, OP could have said at the time! This is frustrating!

ReeRi · 09/12/2019 16:47

Stop being so bloody unfair to OP

She came on here to ask opinions but not everyone feels able to raise these things

Also OP might not have had time to get back on here as she might not spend half her day on MN as some of us do 😂

Get over yourselves people!

Nonotmenori · 09/12/2019 16:55

OP I suffer with anxiety too and I'd be exactly like you in this situation. It's so hard wanting to stand up for yourself and actually doing it sometimes especially when you feel so hurt.

Minionbums · 09/12/2019 17:22

I’d text her with ‘I was a bit upset about all the wedding talk when I’m not invited, it’s been a bit upsetting because I like you both’.

nzborn · 09/12/2019 17:24

From where l come from there is only the Wedding to be invited to not Dance only etc and you are invited with a plus one if in a relationship their name is on the invitation so much simpler.
They were very rude to exclude you so publicly and your partner needs to get you an invitation to the Wedding and the 10-day trip.

ShamefulBlanket · 09/12/2019 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MotorwayDiva · 09/12/2019 18:18

I doubt that your DP said not to invite you, if that had been the case, they would've discreetly handed out invites, eg not in front of you. It's either an oversight or they are completely self obsessed and didn't think.

Blahblahblah12345 · 09/12/2019 20:50

Is this it for this thread now? Kinda disappointed in not finding out any answers..............

pippop1317 · 09/12/2019 20:57

I need an update!
What happened op? Did u text her? Did dp text her?

Oceanblueeyes21 · 09/12/2019 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

darlingsweetpea · 09/12/2019 21:09

Some people are so mean, dust yourself down and keep smiling.

BanoffeePi · 10/12/2019 05:36

Come back OP!

Oldraver · 10/12/2019 08:05

I think you're value to her is chief dog sitter

Kab30 · 10/12/2019 23:42

Wellll......

justrestinginmybankaccount · 11/12/2019 10:28

@AutumnCrow Grin love it

WindyScales · 12/12/2019 00:17

You are certainly being unreasonable to not come back and update us. You’ve strung us along for 30 pages you can at least give us an update 😤

BanoffeePi · 12/12/2019 00:32

Lol my guess is she's unfollowed thjs thread

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 12/12/2019 13:38

Honestly, sounds like your partner is the one who doesn’t want you there

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/12/2019 21:22

It really bugs me when op don’t come back

Yes I get it that @Teapot77 prob has reliesed that her dp doesn’t love her as much as she loves him

But please come back and tell us what happened

You need to be specific with the bride and groom and ask why not invited

Ash39 · 14/12/2019 09:03

No updates OP?

cushioncovers · 14/12/2019 09:50

I'm guessing op is hoping her dp will smooth the way forward for her To get an invite. I don't think the op is actually going to say anything at all and is hoping her dp will address the issue. Imo

tensmum1964 · 14/12/2019 12:16

Just wasted time reading through all that and no outcome. For what its worth your Db is either spineless and clearly doesn't care about your feelings or he is duplicitous and doesn't want you there. Given how long this has gone on without him confronting it I suspect he doesnt want you there and probably doesnt see the two of you still being together by the time the wedding comes around.

Gooseysgirl · 17/12/2019 09:35

Yoohoooooo @Teapot77 please update!

BoxOfBabyCheeses · 17/12/2019 10:58

OP you sound like a drama queen. completely hard work! The likely situation is:

  1. A Wedding abroad will probably have limited numbers.
  2. You had only been with DP 4 months when Save the Dates were sent out - to a set number of people
  3. When the invitations were sent out, who did you want them to bump from the list to make way for you?
  4. Your DP has said if anyone declines, then you would hopefully be next in line.

Grow up and maybe think about how you're putting your DP in a really awkward situation.

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