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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU regarding wedding invite?

767 replies

Teapot77 · 04/12/2019 19:55

Totally prepared to be told IABU but I feel really hurt by this situation.

My DP and I got together in December 2018, his good friends who at the time were living in South Africa got engaged in February 2019 and I obviously hadn’t have met them prior the engagement. In March said couple returned to the UK for work and since then we have socialised with them most weekends and I have looked after their dog in several occasions and been out with the woman for dinner/drinks just the two of us.

Save the dates for the wedding were sent by email in April 2018 by this time I had met them several times - my partner received one a save the date. Last week we went out for dinner with 3 other couples including the engaged couple. After the starter the woman announced she would be handing out the wedding invites, couple A and B got an invite addressing both of them but my partners invite was just addressed to him. Everyone opened the invites whilst I sat feeling very uncomfortable. There has since been no explanation to me nor my partner about why I had not been invited. I don’t feel entitled to have an invite I feel excluded and hurt by the way the invites were distributed.

My partner is going on the Stag and has been involved in planning it. The wedding is in June 2020 in South Africa so the plan is for everyone to go for 10 days and make a holiday out of it too. This would therefore mean I miss out on a holiday with my partner as well as a holiday with the rest of the friendship group.

AIBU to feel really hurt the way the invites were distributed when I obviously didn’t get one? And to feel upset that I have not been invited at all?

OP posts:
Original poster
Teapot77 · 04/12/2019 20:26

Glad to know I'm not going mad! No flights booked by the couples in our friendship group yet and there is a plan to get a villa with DP (and me?), Couple A and Couple B so as not to stay directly with the wedding party but not booked either yet.

Couple A and B have not mentioned me having no invite either, I'm not sure they are even aware. Gosh what a mess!

OP posts:
Brimful · 04/12/2019 20:27

Yeah, I think your DP believes you won't be together by the time the wedding comes around.

Honeyroar · 04/12/2019 20:27

What a horrible mess!

They were extremely rude in the way that they gave the invitations out. Your boyfriend has been put in a no win situation. I had this with an old friend. They didn’t invite my live in boyfriend to their wedding and fell out with me forever when I turned down their invite because my boyfriend was upset. It’s up to the bride and groom who they invite, but I think your boyfriend could at least clarify with them whether you’re invited or not and point out that they were very hurtful in the way that they rubbed your face in it with the invite. I’d probably be a bit sulky and say I wasn’t socialising with them for a while.

Justmuddlingalong · 04/12/2019 20:28

I'm way older and less likely to put up with bullshit than you, OP, but I can feel your pain. Does the way DP and his friends are treating not make you question your whole relationship?

dontcallmeduck · 04/12/2019 20:28

I wouldn’t be getting my ‘d’p to do anything in this situation. I’d be explaining to him I was upset, I wouldn’t be going along on the holiday and I’d be looking at ending my relationship as I think this says more about him than his friends. My DH would have simply refused to go if there was no plus one, he’d have had a conversation with them first though without me prompting.

dontalltalkatonce · 04/12/2019 20:28

I wouldn't ask him not to go or tag along, either.

AutumnCrow · 04/12/2019 20:28

I agree this stinks. And it's wafting significantly from your boyfriend's direction, OP.

areyouafraidofthedark · 04/12/2019 20:28

Have all the couples been together a long time and because you've only been together a short time that's why you haven't been invited?

Honeyroar · 04/12/2019 20:29

Oh, and let’s face it, if they’re being that rude with their invites, and the grand reveal, plus telling everyone what flights they must get etc, then you’re probably lucky to miss it!

TuttiCutie · 04/12/2019 20:29

Can people please stop suggesting the OP should still go on the wedding holiday.

It would be totally humiliating having to explain over and over again to the other guests that she wasn't actually invited, she won't be at the wedding, "wasn't it a lovely day yesterday" "oh I wasn't there, I didn't get invited".

I'm cringing myself inside out at the thought of it.

UndomesticHousewife · 04/12/2019 20:31

Your 'dp' doesn't want to say anything as he doesn't want to upset anyone? Well he's certainly not bothered about upsetting you.

I think you need to rethink these people

yips · 04/12/2019 20:31

Your DP should be sorting this out, and I would be annoyed that you even have to ask!

Original poster
Teapot77 · 04/12/2019 20:32

I think it's partly because everyone else has been together for a while and we're a relatively new relationship I just cannot believe how rude they (she) has been.

I've said no to dog sitting this evening and re-considering Friday's evening but would I not be lowering myself to her level if I wasn't to go?

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 04/12/2019 20:32

Hold on you had been together 2 months when they got engaged, 4 months when a save the date went around (and presumably a guest list decided upon) and now less than a year.

I dont see why the B&G are being as rude as others are saying - at the start of this process they hadnt met you. Yes you have become friends since but at that point you were not.

I think your DP needs to talk to them about how serious it is it is on him to day something

Legomanships · 04/12/2019 20:32

Is it possible DP has hinted to his friends that you won’t be around in 2020? Blush

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 04/12/2019 20:33

Maybe your boyfriend has had a lot of girlfriends and they see you as another in a long list, as nice as they think you are.

The way they did it was shit. However a girlfriend/boyfriend is not a partnership. You are not living together as a partnership. So why should they risk a large amount of money inviting you just because you have socialised with them a few times. Especially if they have met and socialised with other girlfriends of his.

Original poster
Teapot77 · 04/12/2019 20:33

@TuttiCutie totally agree! No way in the world would I be going if I wasn't invited.

OP posts:
egontoste · 04/12/2019 20:33

I'm genuinely gobsmacked. That is unbelievably crass of them.

Your dp says he doesn't want to upset anyone by raising it with them, but he's upsetting you by not raising it, isn't he?

sonjadog · 04/12/2019 20:33

I think you need to have a good chat with your DP about this and what is really going on. Does he not see a future in your relationship?

Derbee · 04/12/2019 20:34

You’ve only been together for a year, and you don’t live together. I probably wouldn’t have invited you, but I definitely wouldn’t have given out the invitations like that, in front of you. That was rude and thoughtless.

I think your boyfriend should go. And it’s a just a bit shit, but you need to get over it

GoodDogBellaBoo · 04/12/2019 20:34

They should at least have written +1 on your partners invitation. Your partner is rude to you not to say anything when they handed out the invitations.

Zucker · 04/12/2019 20:35

They see you as the current girlfriend. Your partner is most likely the reason they don't think you're there for the long haul.

SunshineCake · 04/12/2019 20:35

Saying he can't go without you makes you too nice ?

MadeForThis · 04/12/2019 20:35

Don't go in the holiday. There will be loads of wedding related get togethers whilst away. You will end up missing a lot of things or feeling like a spare wheel.

Your dp needs to question if you are invited then respect the response.

Someone else may have written the invites (calligraphy) and just used the save the date list? Can't think of any other innocent explanation.

Derbee · 04/12/2019 20:35

And if you’re still together in April, absolutely don’t go out to SA! Very awkward

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