AIBU regarding wedding invite?

[Teapot77]

Totally prepared to be told IABU but I feel really hurt by this situation.

My DP and I got together in December 2018, his good friends who at the time were living in South Africa got engaged in February 2019 and I obviously hadn’t have met them prior the engagement. In March said couple returned to the UK for work and since then we have socialised with them most weekends and I have looked after their dog in several occasions and been out with the woman for dinner/drinks just the two of us.

Save the dates for the wedding were sent by email in April 2018 by this time I had met them several times - my partner received one a save the date. Last week we went out for dinner with 3 other couples including the engaged couple. After the starter the woman announced she would be handing out the wedding invites, couple A and B got an invite addressing both of them but my partners invite was just addressed to him. Everyone opened the invites whilst I sat feeling very uncomfortable. There has since been no explanation to me nor my partner about why I had not been invited. I don’t feel entitled to have an invite I feel excluded and hurt by the way the invites were distributed.

My partner is going on the Stag and has been involved in planning it. The wedding is in June 2020 in South Africa so the plan is for everyone to go for 10 days and make a holiday out of it too. This would therefore mean I miss out on a holiday with my partner as well as a holiday with the rest of the friendship group.

AIBU to feel really hurt the way the invites were distributed when I obviously didn’t get one? And to feel upset that I have not been invited at all?

If there hasn't been a mistake and you aren't invited then yes, that was a mean way of giving out the invitations. I wouldn't let it stop you going on holiday though. Go to South Africa with your DP and spend the day of the actual wedding (and maybe the day either side) on a solo trip to visit somewhere interesting.

I certainly wouldn't be socialising with them, you're obviously not an important friend.

Is it possible they didn’t know your last name so they didn’t write it? I think your partner should ask them.

Cross posted with your update. Maybe they dont think its serious?

Really bad behaviour on their part and I'd also be annoyed about dp's reaction. They were very rude to hand the invitations out like that.

Ahh just seen your update.
The only (crap) explanation is that they don’t see your relationship as serious. Your DP should be pointing it out that it is. He also shouldn’t go for ten days but looks like he will..

It actually hurt me a bit to read that, just imagining how you must feel. It’s shitty, shitty behaviour and I’m not understanding why your DP is just going along with it without finding out what’s gone on. YANBU.

I’d be more hurt by your DP refusing to support you.

They all sound like cunts.

Your DP is surely upsetting someone though. You!

I think your DP should be really angry too. I'm quite concerned about his seeming lack of a reaction… unless there is more of a story here.

A short group tour like this would be perfect to get you away from the full-on wedding days. Then come back and join in with the rest of the group holiday.

Hmm how odd.

How long have the other couples been together/known the engaged couple?

Could it just be that you've not been together that long?

That is such a dick move by them, particularly handing the invites out that way and not raising it separately with your OH.

I would also be very upset at your OH. He’s not having your back here.

I don’t agree with the practice of excluding partners based on my judgement of the seriousness of the relationship and I did not do it at my wedding. ESPECIALLY for folk travelling for it.

Dick move but at least you know where you stand now..

I feel really upset by DP's reaction but he doesn't think that it's malicious towards me and is a 'numbers thing' as he says.

We're meant to be seeing the friendship group this Friday evening for a pre-Christmas drink at someone's house but I feel so awkward and uncomfortable.

Would it not be incredibly awkward for me to go to SA with everyone (all wedding have been told to book same flight to help with transfer other end) knowing I'm not invited to actual wedding day?

I think you're dps attitude towards it makes it even worse tbh.

He needs to check with his friends. A quick text saying "thanks for the invite. Can you confirm if Teapot is invited too as it just has my name on the invitation " would do. It does seem very odd that you look to be missed out.

You'll then know for sure if it's a mistake or if only your partner has been invited.

To be honest, if it is just an invite for him I would expect him to decline the invitation. I'd be really pissed off if he went off on holiday without me. I'd also not go on holiday but be the only one not going to the wedding.

I bloody hope that when they ask you to look after their dog while they're all away for the wedding you tell them to fuck right off!

I think it's out of order you're not invited given how you describe your relationship with them. That's even without the breathtaking rudeness of distributing the invites out in a group situation when everyone isn't included.

And if your dp really isn't prepared to go as far as ask why it would make me question my future with him too. Sorry OP...

I, for one, would be looking at my "partner" in a whole different light.

Tbh they dont see you as part of the group otherwise they would have included you in the invites they see you as someone passing through not someone serious.

I’d brave it out and go. Show them your relationship is serious and try not to let it bother you. Book something nice for the wedding day then do something just you and DP for the other 9 days. Though I’m annoyed at his reaction!

I wouldn’t have anything else to do with them tbh.

And I’d be reevaluating your relationship with your “D”P.

Fuck them all. DP included. How they can expect you to socialise, as if nothing's changed is mind boggling. They sound like a group of meanies. You're worth more than how they're making you feel, OP.

I'm really really surprised by your boyfriend's reaction.

Is he that lukewarm about your relationship too? Does he talk to them much? Maybe the friends know something you don't.

There'd be no more dog minding or dinner and drinks with me.

The B&Q are obnoxious but so us your dp. I think it speaks volumes and I’d be tempted to say something on Friday night.

Seems your dp agrees it's OK they used you for ddoggy care and to make up numbers when it suits..
Could one of his exes be going and they think you being there could be an issue?