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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask my Lodger to tidy his darn room or he can find somewhere else to leave!

241 replies

YorkshireMummyof1 · 04/12/2019 14:53

Now...I know that when someone rents a room, that it is their room. It's not mine, it's theirs.

However, this morning he left his door open, I've just cycled back to walk the dogs on my lunch break and well, I couldn't really avoid it, mainly because of the smell.

  1. He hasn't changed the bed sheet since september
  2. He has a couple of my plates upstairs, and I'm pretty sure my cutlery knives will be in there (mysteriously missing some)
  3. He had a curry takeout last night and there is a pot of curry sauce spilled over on to the sheet and this berk (ie me) didn't put a mattress protector on the bed
  4. The new bedding I gave him in September is still in the wrapper meaning he's never put pillowcases on the pillows etc.
  5. My favourite starbucks mug is full of rubbish
  6. He has never emptied the bin in his room
  7. I don't know how he even walks in that room as the floor is covered in crap.

It's messy, which in itself isn't a reason to be annoyed as he can live how he wants. HOWEVER....the rubbish, the curry sauce, the food that must be floating around in that room combined with the fact that he insists on keeping the window wide open whether its freezing or raining makes me worry about mould.

What would you do?

a) leave him to it, I've got a deposit - can't see any physical damage however could be mould, and mattress was £150
b) leave a binbag on his door with a note asking for his bed linen for the wash
c) ask him to leave

I should note, that I never see him as he works 8am to 11pm.

I'm having a moan edited by MNHQ because I take care to keep my house clean and its a literal bombsite....but also, I acknowledge that when you rent a room out - its not really your room anymore

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 06/12/2019 13:35

You don’t think that he turned the music up because you and your boyfriend weren’t, ahem, ready for sleep?

ginghamtablecloths · 06/12/2019 14:05

If he doesn't respond to your excellent note then you must start the correct procedure to get him to leave. It's not acceptable to have this behaviour and the consequences in your house. Good luck.

loobyloo1234 · 06/12/2019 14:08

You don’t think that he turned the music up because you and your boyfriend weren’t, ahem, ready for sleep?

Clearly. How awks for him

Original poster
YorkshireMummyof1 · 06/12/2019 14:31

@CodenameVillanelle Just two plates, he tends to eat out of two plastic tubs (its weird)

I don't think he cleans the plates well enough so if he leaves them on the side - I'll put them in the dishwasher. I don't mind that so much

OP posts:
Original poster
YorkshireMummyof1 · 06/12/2019 14:32

@Honeyroar

Nope. It was on before we went upstairs, and as it happens.....I don't bonk when I know hes home and next door. I'm polite like that. If he's at work, then I know I've got til about 11.30pm!

As the music was on last night, I thought welllll whats the harm.

OP posts:
wasthatamistake · 06/12/2019 14:32

What did he reply?

Original poster
YorkshireMummyof1 · 06/12/2019 14:38

He has said.....he eats upstairs because its warmer but he knows he's rubbish at taking stuff downstairs. He hasn't said that he will do better but just acknowledged he is crap at it.

I cycled back at my lunch break and he's started to tidy up, I know that because theres now a binbag on my kitchen table....

He also said the washing machine is never free for him to use, I replied well - I did tell you to tell me when your days off are so I know to leave it for you. He's never written them on the board.

Then he said that the mattress was too hard and would I mind if he bought a new one. Oh and that the bed sheets are his not the ones I gave him as he wouldn't be able to sleep on the ones I gave him? So I told him to put them all in the entrance to DS's room and I'll put them away. Weird

Also says he has washed his bedding three times since September. In my eyes he should have washed them at least 12 times butttttt if he's going to replace the mattress its not really an issue for me. And hey its his room.

He's taken it on board, and also apologised for the loud music as he lost track of time.

OP posts:
Original poster
YorkshireMummyof1 · 06/12/2019 14:38

Oh and then sent another message saying sorry if he sounded rude, I chortled because I'm the one thinking I sound rude

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 06/12/2019 14:48

That sounds like a reasonably good response, OP.

bpirockin · 06/12/2019 15:55

Hmm, well if he doesn't mind skanky sheets I guess that's his choice, as is living in a mess. He doesn't sound like the best lodger ever, but he could certainly be worse.

However, I'd definitely be asking that he does not leave food waste/debris in the room on the basis that you don't want the smell and potential for flies etc. When mentioning that I'd also bring up the mattress / spillage issue and how that will impact on his deposit. You'll be doing him a favour not to totally ignore it if he needs to rent commercially later on.

bpirockin · 06/12/2019 15:57

Sorry, should have refreshed before posting - sounds like he's taken it on board. Well done OP.

Tistheseason17 · 06/12/2019 16:38

Fingers crossed...

INeedNewShoes · 06/12/2019 17:29

A single person changing sheets only once a month isn’t THAT awful or unusual. I sleep alone and I’m not a sweaty person. There’s no way my sheets need changing weekly.

HelloIsitXmasTreeYoureLookingF · 06/12/2019 17:33

At least you're talking, see how it goes from here

Springcleanish · 06/12/2019 17:41

If he’s 21 and first time living away from home he probably isn’t aware of how disgusting he is. My son's room would be the same if I didn’t give direct instruction. Eg. Bedding to be washed by the weekend. Dishes and cutlery placed in dishwasher before bed. He then does it, but doesn’t see the dirt beforehand!

With regards to his washing, just tell him what cycle chefs whites need to go on, he may only use the one cycle he knows works. I wouldn’t be afraid of guiding him a bit more and giving him a chance to improve. Whilst some would argue He should be able to be self sufficient etc, if he has never learnt it at home he won’t know any better.

daisypond · 06/12/2019 17:44

I never wash sheets weekly either.

CookPassBabtridge · 06/12/2019 17:52

I had a lodger once. He was a work friend, he did have a whiff about him and always had sallow yellow skin but was such a lovely guy so let him move in. Well we learnt why he looked and smelt like that! Within a few months his floor was a foot deep with rubbish (you stepped down into the room) he had never put bedding on, his bed was covered in crap and he slept curled up like a foetus in one corner, he cooked joints of meat all the time (no potato or veg with it) and collected the jars of fat and left them hanging round in his room. He never did one load of laundry. Had to get him to leave eventually as we had flies everywhere. It totally ruined our friendship Sad

longtimelurkerhelen · 06/12/2019 19:43

I'm a wee bit of a untidy slob but bedding needs washing at least once a week, I don't care how unsweaty you are, it needs doing. Skin constantly sheds and will be in your bedding. Envy < not envy

OP He is a bit cheeky asking for a new mattress, if you feel inclined could you just get an extra thick mattress topper?

Honeyroar · 06/12/2019 19:51

He isn’t asking for a new mattress, he’s offering to buy one. (to be honest I don’t think it’s fair to let him buy a new mattress if you’re going to ask him to leave in a couple of months. Perhaps suggest a mattress cover instead?) And at least he’s making an effort. He’s young and sounds like he’s got a lot to learn.

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 06/12/2019 22:49

It sounds like he's trying to be reasonable - and I agree that letting him buy a new mattress when you intend to evict him in a couple of months anyway is a bit unfair.

However, while I can understand him not being able to sleep on a particular mattress, I can't understand why he can't use your sheets (not saying he should, just wondering why not). Seems a bit strange - er - your' sheets aren't brushed nylon are they?

poorstudent1010 · 07/12/2019 02:26

Finding this thread quite interesting, it’s difficult to find a balance between standing your ground and coming across as rude/inflammatory in a situation like this - no one wants a lodger war on their hands after all.

I think he means that he wants to buy a new mattress now, to use now? Not sure where you’ll put the current mattress in the meantime, or if he intends to leave/take the new mattress when he leaves.

I agree re telling him to adjust the machine setting when he washes his chef stuff, sounds like a higher temp/higher doors would be more suited, he’s probably throwing them on a basic everyday setting

poorstudent1010 · 07/12/2019 02:27

Doors = speed

daisypond · 07/12/2019 06:52

He sounds like he’s making an effort. Although your lodger is older, some lodgers are very young, only 16 or 17, and living away from home for the first time. That is why they are living in a family house and are not privately renting themselves.

redcarbluecar · 07/12/2019 07:10

Sorry not read everything but I think you should try to talk to him. It’s not acceptable that his room smells - he might be a lodger, but it’s still your house. As he’s young, he may need a wake up call about certain things. I’m sure you’re within your rights to insist that rubbish is thrown away and food / crockery isn’t left to gather mould. I suggest a direct approach.

Beautiful3 · 07/12/2019 07:33

I think that I would write him a note to say that there are smells coming from his room. To leave his door open on x date so that the sheets can be laundred, kitchenware reclaimed and bin emptied. It's your house and you want to keep it clean. I wouldnt kick him out though, especially if you're relying on his rent.