to ask my Lodger to tidy his darn room or he can find somewhere else to leave!

[YorkshireMummyof1]

Now...I know that when someone rents a room, that it is their room. It's not mine, it's theirs.

However, this morning he left his door open, I've just cycled back to walk the dogs on my lunch break and well, I couldn't really avoid it, mainly because of the smell.

1. He hasn't changed the bed sheet since september
2. He has a couple of my plates upstairs, and I'm pretty sure my cutlery knives will be in there (mysteriously missing some)
3. He had a curry takeout last night and there is a pot of curry sauce spilled over on to the sheet and this berk (ie me) didn't put a mattress protector on the bed
4. The new bedding I gave him in September is still in the wrapper meaning he's never put pillowcases on the pillows etc.
5. My favourite starbucks mug is full of rubbish
6. He has never emptied the bin in his room
7. I don't know how he even walks in that room as the floor is covered in crap.

It's messy, which in itself isn't a reason to be annoyed as he can live how he wants. HOWEVER....the rubbish, the curry sauce, the food that must be floating around in that room combined with the fact that he insists on keeping the window wide open whether its freezing or raining makes me worry about mould.

What would you do?

a) leave him to it, I've got a deposit - can't see any physical damage however could be mould, and mattress was £150
b) leave a binbag on his door with a note asking for his bed linen for the wash
c) ask him to leave

I should note, that I never see him as he works 8am to 11pm.

I'm having a moan edited by MNHQ because I take care to keep my house clean and its a literal bombsite....but also, I acknowledge that when you rent a room out - its not really your room anymore

Vile! I’d get rid.

If he’s leaving the window wide open with food and dirt floating around, there could be any sort of pests in there.

He may attract mice and rats which are keen on warm places in winter. The dogs won't be a deterrent, I had to relocate a family of dormouse for my mother this week from her utility room and she has a big dog!

We have four dogs and two cats and don't leave food about - we still got a rat in our compost heap after all of the freezing rain!

They'll go anywhere with a good food source. And that includes your house (and rats can, quite literally, chew through brick and concrete).

(BTW - I killed it with a shovel)

Ugh he's bloody in today and I was in a rush to leave the house!

I've calmed down a lot since yesterday, I acknowledge he's a slob but hes a nice lad so I'm going to try to catch him this evening

Tell him you will clean his room for him as well for extra money?

www.apartmenttherapy.com/how-to-clean-your-bedroom-thoroughly-and-efficiently-a-quick-easy-guide-221947

Print this out and leave it somewhere he can't miss it.

I hope he's not this much of a slob in a professional kitchen (not envy)

My daughter rents a room in a family home whilst she is away at college (well technically we do as we pay the rent).

The family she lives with have complained about the state of her room in the past, in particular food being left up there and it was made clear to her that she had to keep things clean and vaguely tidy or she would be out.

In her defence she has long exhausting days (8.30am - 6pm) plus works on Saturdays but having a room in that state is not acceptable when you are lodging.

I don't know why anyone wouldn't clear food, plates etc out of a room - I mean, you're up and downstairs for stuff from the kitchen anyway. Why not take your plate/takeaway cartons/whatever down the next time you go for a cuppa tea?

Am I the only one who feels a bit sorry for this young man?
He showers every day, washes his clothes and is reasonable in most ways.
OP, It appears to me that he has probably never been expected to tidy his room, change his bedding or wash his clothes, and that's a fault on the part of his parents, but now you are compounding the issue by taking over where his parents have left off.
You clean the kitchen after him, offer to do his washing, and now you want to violate his privacy by going into his room and cleaning it for him!!
If I rented a room and came back to find my landlord had gone into my room, potentially gone through my things and changed my sheets, I would feel quite strongly that my privacy had been invaded and probably wouldnt want to live there anymore.
Why dont you do as other posters have suggested and tell him there will be a room inspection, whereby he will need to make sure the room is clean and tidy.
If you need help with anything, please feel free to ask.
If he does ask, you can explain then what you expect.
At least he is not smoking in there and stinking the house out or having his mates over for drinking sessions.

Why would his room be an insurance risk??

It's catching him thats the issue, I might see him for 10 seconds as he runs out of the house grabs his bike and pedals off to work or I might then not see him at all for two weeks

So other than being a skank, he's a dream lodger !

I'd just ask him to go. You could discuss with him and he might make some changes or he might say his room his business. He is only a licensee so you only have to give x notice. This is the simplest way to seal with it.

@bagofworries

"You clean the kitchen after him, offer to do his washing, and now you want to violate his privacy by going into his room and cleaning it for him!!"

I don't want to violate his privacy, he left the bloody door wide open, the dogs went in I had to get them back out. My point was I would offer to do it for him. I've already acknowledged hes a nice lad and he works extremely long days - so clearly I do understand he's probably shattered from working split shifts.

He's in today so I'm going to grab him when he's making his dinner, I did actually notice a fruit fly upstairs earlier....so....I have some ammunition.
I've told him before if he brings me the bed linen I'm happy to wash it for him. He's just never taken me up on that offer

The plan:
Fruit flies upstairs, your room door was left open, dogs went in, I can see there is a LOT of rubbish. Would be good if you can clear it out, as I don't want vermin. I've noticed your bedding hasn't come downstairs to be washed, would you like me to wash it for you as I understand you work long days. And do you need anything else for your bedroom to help you keep it tidier. I will also reinforce I don't care how messy his room is but I do care if its got rubbish and stuff that could rot.

We had a fruit fly infestation a while back due to an unemptied bin. Bloody nightmare, they were still around for weeks afterwards.

Yeurch. I couldn't live with that in my house. Also - isn't it a security risk leaving a window open? If we did we'd have a burglar up the drainpipe in no time. Still, that's London. Also, won't you get mice if he's leaving food around. Sounds disgusting to me. I'd just say it's beginning to properly smell and would he mind at very least clearing out all the washing up, laundering bed, etc and cleaning up. Then just see how he reacts.

What a strange arrangement
I couldn't imagine having a stranger live with me and my child. How old is DS ? Does he mind sharing his home with a stranger

@SchadenfreudePersonified eee you're braver than I, I couldn't have gone near it let alone disposed of it!

Why doesn't he eat downstairs? Tell him he has to eat cooked food downstairs and keep room reasonably clean and tidy. Or say you will clean it but charge for the time?

How bad would it be if I just went in and tidyied up and changed his bed linen for him..

Do you have a hazmat suit?

I know it's a stretch but is it possible he is completely clueless about general housework and has got to the point where he doesn't know where to start?

To me, and most others is imagine it's logical and common sense but I was a bit like this (not quite as bad!) when I first moved out as my Mum did everything for me as she liked the house to be showroom standard at all times.

I'd speak to him and explain that it's not on - any smells lingering in his room affect you and your DS too. Set some ground rules and ask him if he'd like help making a schedule to keep him on track, even 10 minutes a day would make a HUGE difference in one room.

He wouldn't work in a kitchen in that state, why should he keep his room like that?

We had a fruit fly infestation a while back due to an unemptied bin. Bloody nightmare, they were still around for weeks afterwards.
A small jar with some cider vinegar in, cover the top with cling film, pierce with a few small holes usually does the trick.

As I said in an earlier post give him a written list of essential tasks.

No food or crockery left in his room
Bedding changed regularly (specify)
Bins emptied weekly
Cleans loo after use and bathroom
Etc

Don’t be too nicey, nicey he won’t take you seriously. No, ‘it would be good if..’ It needs to be direct but clear and definite. He will take it ok I bet.

Poor bugger - he works from 8am until 11pm? He must fall into an exhausted heap!
I’d tell him I’m getting a cleaner and if her would like her to do his room too it’s £15.00 for the hour - weekly - including washing bed linen. That way you can make £15 a week - you can wash his bedding and if course you’ll put a mattress protector on, take away utensils, empty bins, and stack any clothing in a neat pile. He doesn’t need to know that the cleaner is you.

Smilebehappy123

What a strange arrangement
I couldn't imagine having a stranger live with me and my child. How old is DS ? Does he mind sharing his home with a stranger

What a strange comment
You lack imagination and need to get your head out of your arse - some people need to rent rooms to feed and clothe their kids.

Toomuch
That’s a nifty idea.....