to ask my Lodger to tidy his darn room or he can find somewhere else to leave!

[YorkshireMummyof1]

Now...I know that when someone rents a room, that it is their room. It's not mine, it's theirs.

However, this morning he left his door open, I've just cycled back to walk the dogs on my lunch break and well, I couldn't really avoid it, mainly because of the smell.

1. He hasn't changed the bed sheet since september
2. He has a couple of my plates upstairs, and I'm pretty sure my cutlery knives will be in there (mysteriously missing some)
3. He had a curry takeout last night and there is a pot of curry sauce spilled over on to the sheet and this berk (ie me) didn't put a mattress protector on the bed
4. The new bedding I gave him in September is still in the wrapper meaning he's never put pillowcases on the pillows etc.
5. My favourite starbucks mug is full of rubbish
6. He has never emptied the bin in his room
7. I don't know how he even walks in that room as the floor is covered in crap.

It's messy, which in itself isn't a reason to be annoyed as he can live how he wants. HOWEVER....the rubbish, the curry sauce, the food that must be floating around in that room combined with the fact that he insists on keeping the window wide open whether its freezing or raining makes me worry about mould.

What would you do?

a) leave him to it, I've got a deposit - can't see any physical damage however could be mould, and mattress was £150
b) leave a binbag on his door with a note asking for his bed linen for the wash
c) ask him to leave

I should note, that I never see him as he works 8am to 11pm.

I'm having a moan edited by MNHQ because I take care to keep my house clean and its a literal bombsite....but also, I acknowledge that when you rent a room out - its not really your room anymore

Read the thread. Note has been written, discussions have happened, and lodger has amended things and made suggestions.

Apologies. Have read your updates. That's good news. Glad its improved. He sounds like a nice guy.

You'll never guess what happened....

So Sunday morning, me and SO are asleep. 7am, Lodgers alarm goes off. Now - this alarm is always really flipping loud and it will go off for about 10 mins. It annoys me, however, I understand that when working as a chef - you do really long days and I bet it takes a big effort to wake up when you're exhausted. So I never mention it to him. However, Sunday morning, a day of rest (for us, not for him he already told me he was at work) it went on for 45 minutes. My SO was tired, he got grumpier and grumpier and eventually knocked on the door a few times until lodger turned it off. However....at 8.30am when I woke up again I wondered if he had got himself up for work. Assumed he had.

Turns out, he didn't reset his alarm he just turned it off and went back to sleep and didn't wake up again. I was in and out of the house all day sunday, I heard him cough so I assumed he had phoned in sick.

11pm last night the police knock on my door. He hadn't phoned in to work so they had phoned the police to get them to check up on him. He obviously hadn't answered any phone calls. I answer the door in a nightie, they go upstairs, knock on his door, I hear him clambering over all the shit on his floor. I hear "I slept in, I'm fine". Police come back downstairs. This woke up my son, who was concerned that there were police in his house. Not even an apology by message from lodger. He's totally oblivious!

Went back to the house at lunch to walk dogs. urine splatters all over the toilet seat. Hoping it wasn't my son, as he knows to lift the seat up......

Lodger hasn't done what I asked and give me the bedding he's not using thats sealed in a packet, or the duvet he dumped in the corner. Yet I felt we had a reasonable conversation and had resolved things. I wonder if I'm just seeing all the negative now.

Now - this alarm is always really flipping loud and it will go off for about 10 mins. It annoys me, however, I understand that when working as a chef - you do really long days and I bet it takes a big effort to wake up when you're exhausted.

Oh, FFS! STOP making excuses for him! PLENTY of people work long hours and manage to adult just fine.

This will not get better, it's getting worse. That alarm thing is ridiculous. Give him notice. 'This isn't working out. We need someone more responsible. Here is your notice'. This isn't worth it. He's pisstaking and you're a doormat.

Honestly he really needs to go. I am sure you can find a much more respectful and appreciative lodger.

He's too much trouble.
Bin him off.

Draw up a list of strict house rules now. If you and your boyfriend are not assertive enough to insist lodgers treat the property and other occupants respectfully then you need to come up with another way to make extra money besides a lodger. He'd have been slung out of most lodgings long ago.

Honestly - there are plenty of people wanting lodgings who are already house trained. Why you are still trying to turn this loser into a decent lodger is beyond me. Just get rid!

Too much - aggro.
Give him a week's notice.

Way too much work.

Serve him notice.

Extremely disrespectful of you and your home.

If he is a chef, he must have done hygeine courses FGS.
I'd have a word, say the state of the room/smell/ lack of hygeine etc is not acceptable in your home,
Give him until Christmas to tidy it up - say that you'll be having visitors over, and that if it's not done, he'll have to leave by the end of the month. (or maybe month from date you speak to him?)
And set out ground rules on how he treats/leaves common spaces, kitchen equipment etc.

Week's notice.

He can move back in with his mum for Christmas and sort himself out afterwards.

Unless you want to spend Christmas wiping someone else's piss off your toilet seat...

Get thorough references for your next lodger and give him or her a list of house rules.

Tbh I would just give him notice. He's not really responded well to your messages and requests to clean up, he's clearly just a slob who doesn't respect other people or their homes.
I could deal with him having a messy room. It's the piddling on the toilet seat, using my toothpaste and waking me up that would do it for me.

Well ladies and gentleman, after the police incident where they turned up as he hadn't gone to work....

That was the 8th December, he hasn't been to work since then but he went home on the 11th December (I presumed it was to vote) and then came back at 11pm, rattled around in his room and disappeared again. I messaged him a few days later just to check whether he was okay and he said, yep spending Christmas with my parents. Didn't say anything else...

LITERALLY just got a message to say I'm moving out on 29th December. Thanks for the two days notice. I can't be bothered to argue about giving me a months notice because it's not worth the effort but I won't be giving him his deposit back as it covers that period of time.

So 1) I guess I got my wish, he's going and I can have my room back and 2) Aw shit thanks for letting me know 2 days in advance,

Did he move out? How did he leave the room?