to ask my Lodger to tidy his darn room or he can find somewhere else to leave!

[YorkshireMummyof1]

Now...I know that when someone rents a room, that it is their room. It's not mine, it's theirs.

However, this morning he left his door open, I've just cycled back to walk the dogs on my lunch break and well, I couldn't really avoid it, mainly because of the smell.

1. He hasn't changed the bed sheet since september
2. He has a couple of my plates upstairs, and I'm pretty sure my cutlery knives will be in there (mysteriously missing some)
3. He had a curry takeout last night and there is a pot of curry sauce spilled over on to the sheet and this berk (ie me) didn't put a mattress protector on the bed
4. The new bedding I gave him in September is still in the wrapper meaning he's never put pillowcases on the pillows etc.
5. My favourite starbucks mug is full of rubbish
6. He has never emptied the bin in his room
7. I don't know how he even walks in that room as the floor is covered in crap.

It's messy, which in itself isn't a reason to be annoyed as he can live how he wants. HOWEVER....the rubbish, the curry sauce, the food that must be floating around in that room combined with the fact that he insists on keeping the window wide open whether its freezing or raining makes me worry about mould.

What would you do?

a) leave him to it, I've got a deposit - can't see any physical damage however could be mould, and mattress was £150
b) leave a binbag on his door with a note asking for his bed linen for the wash
c) ask him to leave

I should note, that I never see him as he works 8am to 11pm.

I'm having a moan edited by MNHQ because I take care to keep my house clean and its a literal bombsite....but also, I acknowledge that when you rent a room out - its not really your room anymore

I would say probably his mama did everything for him and so expects the room to magically clean itself....but I was one of those mamas and both my sons have cleaner, more organised houses than mine....Lol!

Ewwww no I'd get rid 🤢🤢🤢

I haven’t read TFT but I had a grotty lodger like this and it actually made my house smell. My close friends (who felt comfortable enough to comment) said it smelt like rotten vegetables all the time.

I remember once opening all the windows and back door in an attempt to try and let the house air, went out for an hour (lodger was in) and on my return they’d closed all the windows and doors! Lodger was such a recluse that she did her washing up in the bathroom sink!!

I can’t offer much but solidarity. I solved it in the end by moving in with my now DH and renting the house!!

The deposits is in the deposit scheme isn’t it?
You do have a gas certificate don’t you?

Lodgers who live in the same house as their landlord don;t have to have their deposit in the scheme.

@ivykaty44

What’s your point-how’s it relevant?

@ivykaty44 no to deposit scheme - it isn't required

no gas certificate, I prefer to let my boiler manage itself, I'm flying by the seat of my pants.

I obviously have a gas certificate..........

I've sent him a message, he mentioned to my other half he was going away for the weekend from this afternoon so I won't catch him.

"Your door was left open the other day when you went out, whilst removing Ripley who got in I noticed it’s a tip. Until I saw the state of the room I didn't see the need to spell it out for you, as I had a reasonable assumption that you would keep it clean, although you can have it as messy as you want.
By the end of next week I need you to throw out all the accumulated rubbish. If you leave food waste in the room, it attracts carpet beetles, slugs and mice. In this cold weather they’ll come straight in. I’ve also noticed fruit flies hovering around near your door so that’s worrying too. Can you return all cutlery, plates, bowls, mugs and glassware to the kitchen, if its taken downstairs, waste put in the bin, and left on the side it will go in the dishwasher when I load it up.
While we enjoy having you as our lodger, we do not want to have to deal with water damage from rain that comes in through the open window, or vermin attracted by food and rubbish.
Can you also wipe down the sides of the hob after you’ve used the frying pan, and you also need to clean the outside of the frying pan when you’re washing up.
Finally, I’m pretty sure that bedsheet on your bed hasn’t been washed since you moved in. I’m going to give you a mattress protector to put on the bed at some point, but not washing that sheet means grease gets inbedded into the mattress (£150 mattress!). I’d also like you to try to clean the curry sauce stain out of the mattress and sheet please.
There are some tubs under the bed for storage, if it would help I can get a ¾ bed – means it would go against the wall horizontally and you’d have more room. Just let me know.
I know you work long hours so I can get a cleaner in, the cost to do your room (take off bedding, wash it, put new stuff on, take crockery downstairs, empty bins, put laundry on for you) would be £15 a week.
"

thanks to everyone who gave me suggestions on what to say!

No idea why I struggled with this

That's a great message! Hopefully he responds well!! Xx

I love your message it is so direct with a scolding under tone 😁 he will clean up

The deposits is in the deposit scheme isn’t it?

Not necessary for lodgers. Also, effectively, he can be evicted with virtually no notice and she can enter his room whenever she wants to. It's up to him if he wants to put up with however she wants to run the lodging arrangement. Lodgers have virtually no legal rights.

I think I would get rid and find someone else. He isn't going to change.

@mrsjayy ARGH I WASN'T GOING FOR SCOLDING!! I send it to my SO first and he approved it - I'm always worried about sounding passive aggressive.

The funny thing is at work, I'm a manager, I have to send direct and sometimes scolding emails, that doesn't bother me. But for some reason I'm being a total doormat about this

Did I mention yet he played loud music till 10.30pm last night and only stopped when I asked him to turn it down. He's NEVER done that before. I asked him to turn it off once ahem, me and SO, were ahem....ready for sleep.

Still too soft and he won't change. He's a chef, there is FA way he'd be able to behave the way he does in your home at his work. Hell, in Masterchef The Professionals last night, the chefs were shown cleaning up their cooking area yesterday. The 'can you' and having to tell him to clean the outside of pans he uses? What a slob! And again, having worked in kitchens (you don't just walk in as a chef until you're very, very established), his over chef would have ripped him a new head if he made a mess like that in the kitchen.

Boohoo @ long hours, that's being a chef for you! Even Gordon Ramsay chewed out a young one once for being lazy with, 'When I was your age, there weren't enough hours in the day for me to work!'

I think offering a cleaner is OTT.

But hey, you're the one who will end up with vermin and black mould in your house and whose mattress is totally trashed.

Well it doesn't matter about the tone as long as it's direct and not abusive. Bottom line, this is a lodger, he doesn't comply then you give notice and charge for the mattress.

@dontalltalkatonce I think it would be unfair to turf him out without giving the chance. Especially as I don't really need a lodger past the end of february, so the hassle just isn't worth it. But I totally agree with you, theres no way he is a slob at work - and I know he works at a higher end restaurant as opposed to a chain one.

He uses one of my frying pans, cleans the insides - but leaves the outside covered in oil. And then there is oil all down the side of the hob. I don't know what he's flash frying but its messy!

The cleaner - its a suggestion, its not one he has to take up....the cleaner would be me anyway!

And I won't end up with vermin, because if he doesn't sort it, I'll ask him to leave.

And now music. He's showing you who he is! He'll be in for a shock when he gets his next place because I can't think of a single private let I've been in where the agent and LL would put up with that sort of mess at inspection (and they do inspections). They will tell you 'clean it up or notice' and not point out how to do it or make nicey nice and 'can you' 'i know you work long hours'.

I can promise you he doesn't behave this way or work or he'd have been sacked already.

YANBU.

He is treating your stuff (including the mattress and the pillow) like garbage. Also, how hard will it be to get rid of the smell in his room?

Yes it’s his room, and you are not his mum, so it’s his right to keep it messy if he chooses to but I would draw the line at him damaging your stuff.
Which he is actually doing right now.

It's just disrespectful because there's no way he'd do that are work (wrt frying pan). Does he know he's leaving at the end of February? He might be in fuck it mode.

He's in for a shock because many LLs aren't interested in giving chances and nicey nice when it comes to someone who's effectively trashed the property (non student lets). Hell, when we were private letting, we were pulled up on petty stuff on inspection like having tea mugs in the sink, having towels hanging over the shower curtain rail, clothes on the backs of chairs . . .

@dontalltalkatonce No and I hadn't made the decision yet really about whether I wanted to keep having a lodger. It was fine for the first month, barely noticed he was there but he's got steadily louder (kitchen at 12am etc). I did tell him we slept through most things but I didn't expect for him to not have ANY respect. I mean, its okay to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night but don't most people close the door considerately? What I get is, a hand scraping against my bedroom wall as he finds the light switch (clearly he does this as he has nowhere to put his feet and needs to hold on for support). Then he shuffles across the granite bathroom floor in slippers, honestly the sound of it goes right through me, then I hear shuffling back, bathroom door closed not quietly, and then back to his bedroom. SO sleeps through it, I wake up

OH SHIT HES REPLIED

I wouldn't tell him he's leaving at the end of Feb! I mean, he's only been there 3 months and he's like this?

I have lodgers. There is no WAY I'd have someone so dirty living in my house. No way. Just give him notice and find someone else. Lodgers are easy to find.

Ah don't worry about the scolding bit I was teasing your message says what you want to happen and if he feels you are telling him off well quite frankly he needs it for living in a tip

I've just read your email. Far too conciliatory. You're offering to put his dirty washing up in the dishwasher?

I think your message to him was good. It doesnt really matter whether hes being lazy or negligent, or genuinely doesnt really know how to look after himself, what matters is sorting out the problem. Curry sauce on the sheets is really rank though!