to ask my Lodger to tidy his darn room or he can find somewhere else to leave!

[YorkshireMummyof1]

Now...I know that when someone rents a room, that it is their room. It's not mine, it's theirs.

However, this morning he left his door open, I've just cycled back to walk the dogs on my lunch break and well, I couldn't really avoid it, mainly because of the smell.

1. He hasn't changed the bed sheet since september
2. He has a couple of my plates upstairs, and I'm pretty sure my cutlery knives will be in there (mysteriously missing some)
3. He had a curry takeout last night and there is a pot of curry sauce spilled over on to the sheet and this berk (ie me) didn't put a mattress protector on the bed
4. The new bedding I gave him in September is still in the wrapper meaning he's never put pillowcases on the pillows etc.
5. My favourite starbucks mug is full of rubbish
6. He has never emptied the bin in his room
7. I don't know how he even walks in that room as the floor is covered in crap.

It's messy, which in itself isn't a reason to be annoyed as he can live how he wants. HOWEVER....the rubbish, the curry sauce, the food that must be floating around in that room combined with the fact that he insists on keeping the window wide open whether its freezing or raining makes me worry about mould.

What would you do?

a) leave him to it, I've got a deposit - can't see any physical damage however could be mould, and mattress was £150
b) leave a binbag on his door with a note asking for his bed linen for the wash
c) ask him to leave

I should note, that I never see him as he works 8am to 11pm.

I'm having a moan edited by MNHQ because I take care to keep my house clean and its a literal bombsite....but also, I acknowledge that when you rent a room out - its not really your room anymore

I’d ask him to leave for the 1am noise

He’s not a teenager being nagged by his mum. He’s an adult renting a space in a shared home, messy is one thing, but smelly and unhygienic isn’t on

He’s taking the piss! Especially as you clean up after him! Time for some house rules OP. Starting with tidying up after himself and keeping his room clean

Disgusting. Evict.

It may be his room but the smell will affect the house and the rubbish may attract vermin. I'd be saying there is a minimum level of hygiene or move out. Next tenant, be clearer on what is required. I'm not very tidy but bin once a week, bedding every 2 weeks and all dishes down within 24 hours is not a lot to ask. And buy your own toiletries.

Give him notice to quit, you won't have a problem getting another lodger, just make sure the next one is house trained & give them the rules before they move in.

I don’t think how often he changes the sheets is relevant. That is up to him. Keeping your cups and plates upstairs is.

So you would be able to do without a lodger from February? If so I would just grit my teeth for now and give him notice in Jan or whenever fits the February timescale. If it's longer I'd look for a different lodger.

You will get vermin in the house if he continues like this.

Does he change/wash his clothes? (At least he cleans his teeth hopefully not with your toothbrush as well as your toothpaste . . . )

@disforddarkchocolate I did make that mistake, I didn't put house rules in place. I was 100% naive and assumed people liked to sleep in fresh bed linen. I'm not even joking. I really did.

@daisypond It's relevant because I paid for the mattress. The longer his body grease soaks into the sheet, the longer its in contact with the mattress.

@butterymuffin I would need to look at my finances but I think I could just about pull it off. It would be a really tight squeeze but we'd survive

When my sons lived at home as adults, after uni, they were pretty filthy and still lived like they were in a student HMO. But they were my kids so I could shout at them to sort their rooms out, that they were disgusting, wash your sheets, bring your dirty crockery and cutlery down to the dishwasher etc etc. I'm not sure you can tell a lodger to tidy his room and unless he is actually so messy his room is a health hazard or detrimental to the value of your house, I'd be inclined to leave him be.

I would talk to him, especially if it's his first time away from home. Don't people talk anymore?! Mumsnet is full of 'get rid' before even an attempt at communication is made.

I would be telling him he has to buck his ideas up otherwise he'll have to go. Give him some house rules eg, the bin has to be emptied every weekend (maybe leave a bag on his door handle to remind him?); the bed must be stripped for linen wash at least every other weekend (and he has to make the bed once clean linen is returned; dirty plates/cups/cutlery must be returned to the kitchen on a daily basis; he must keep noise to a minimum between the hours of 10pm and 7am (for example). The tidyness you can't do much about as it's up to him how he lives. Make it clear that this is your home and it must be treated with respect. If he can't abide by the rules then he'll have to find alternative accommodation.

Maybe remind him too that if he causes stains from spillages he will be expected to have the item (eg mattress/carpet) cleaned at his cost.

Even most student rooms are nowhere near that bad. I would draw the line at rotting food in bedrooms as it could attract rodents.

And who leaves a spilt tub of curry sauce on their bed?

I say this as something who’s never been tidy, married to a man who isn’t tidy with two dc who, funnily enough aren’t tidy.

Can you talk to him and ask him to clean up spills, not leave food about etc?

This wouldn't be happening in my house - I don't give a toss about rules etc etc

I'd place a bin bag in his hand and ask him to empty all rubbish and then clean the room and hoover it. I'd ask him to change the sheets on his bed.

He's 21. Probably par for the course. As he's not your 21 year old, your other option is to give him his marching orders rather than treat him like your oafish child but if you need the money and he's otherwise ok, just tell him what how you expect him to keep the room

@SchadenfreudePersonified oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god

THAT REMINDS ME

He's a chef, so his work clothes must have kitchen smells/grease (?) and he washes them on a cotton wash, hangs them up in the kitchen where I've hung a rail over the utility door and then the back end of my kitchen smells DISGUSTING for days. It took me two months to work out what it was. I'm half tempted every time he hangs them up, to take them off and put them on a hotter wash with bio. It's like, rotten eggs and something else?

Oh and produce a mattress protector and tell him to put it on the bed

I'd just tell him this stuff. He will probably cooperate

You're cleaning the kitchen after him and offering to do his laundry. Sounds like your his mum. His own mum probably had enough and that's how he ended up with you. Sounds like he should be living with people his own age. I'd tell him straight you don't expect to tell your tenent he needs to tidy his room as he is a grown man, perhaps best he finds more suitable accommodation or go back to his own mum!

@starfishmummy

Your link is to tenancies, doesn't support your comment

@FrenchJunebug Well to be totally honest, I wasn't sure what the line was. Literally - I've been in your room its a state sort it out. Is that acceptable? I don't mean in those words obviously. I'm a little nervous as I've never had a lodger before...can you tell lol

Just tell him to leave

He perhaps doesn’t know how to do stuff? Can you bullshit him?

I’d tell him his “quarterly room inspection is due next weekend. It’s so I can check the windows are ok, there is no dampness in the room, any spills have been properly attended to, borrowed dishes and cutlery have been returned and make sure lights and plug sockets are in good working order. Shall we say Saturday at 2pm?

If you want to wash the sheets and towels prior I can tell you how if you don’t know”?

Hopefully that should illicit some response! If he makes no effort and the room smells unhygienic and the sheets still haven’t been washed I’d give notice due to the room being improperly aired which will lead to condensation and dampness in the fabric of the building, and spills not being cleaned up promptly which will result in permanent staining and devaluation if your goods, and the bed not being changed which can lead to skin diseases which are highly infectious to all in the household.

Worth a shot? He’s prob just a daft boy but a bit of a boot up the arse may lead to an improvement?

I would have a word with him first, and tell him you know he has a right to do whatever he wants in his room, but that it is unhygenic and still your house and your sheets etc, dirty sheets will never be white again, but grey and ,you don't want anything spilt on them, also if no pillowcases on your pillows will smell from his hair
Also any food left on plates for a long time will attract mice
If he doesn't improve tell him to leave
Has he actully given you any washing to do?

@scorpido I think I will. I just need to think about the best way to say it, communicate it. Put up with him till the car goes back and get my house back

It is his room. HOWEVER, when it becomes a hygiene risk for the house (food/bedding) then you absolutely have a right to intervene.

You need a come-to-jesus discussion. He has a week to get his act together (clean his room, starting cleaning up after himself, wash his own damn sheets) or he's out. I think that's fair.

Ask him to leave.

He should be cleaning up after himself in the kitchen, should leave the bathroom in a decent state, should not hide your plates etc in his room and should not be putting food waste in his room bin.

Next lodger tell them you expect them to clean up after themselves and only to put food waste in the kitchen bin.

When I lodged my landlords changed my bedding regularly so they stripped the bed and they emptied the bin. This meant I had to leave my room in a decent state so they could do this.