to ask my Lodger to tidy his darn room or he can find somewhere else to leave!

[YorkshireMummyof1]

Now...I know that when someone rents a room, that it is their room. It's not mine, it's theirs.

However, this morning he left his door open, I've just cycled back to walk the dogs on my lunch break and well, I couldn't really avoid it, mainly because of the smell.

1. He hasn't changed the bed sheet since september
2. He has a couple of my plates upstairs, and I'm pretty sure my cutlery knives will be in there (mysteriously missing some)
3. He had a curry takeout last night and there is a pot of curry sauce spilled over on to the sheet and this berk (ie me) didn't put a mattress protector on the bed
4. The new bedding I gave him in September is still in the wrapper meaning he's never put pillowcases on the pillows etc.
5. My favourite starbucks mug is full of rubbish
6. He has never emptied the bin in his room
7. I don't know how he even walks in that room as the floor is covered in crap.

It's messy, which in itself isn't a reason to be annoyed as he can live how he wants. HOWEVER....the rubbish, the curry sauce, the food that must be floating around in that room combined with the fact that he insists on keeping the window wide open whether its freezing or raining makes me worry about mould.

What would you do?

a) leave him to it, I've got a deposit - can't see any physical damage however could be mould, and mattress was £150
b) leave a binbag on his door with a note asking for his bed linen for the wash
c) ask him to leave

I should note, that I never see him as he works 8am to 11pm.

I'm having a moan edited by MNHQ because I take care to keep my house clean and its a literal bombsite....but also, I acknowledge that when you rent a room out - its not really your room anymore

I've noticed your bedding hasn't come downstairs to be washed, would you like me to wash it for you as I understand you work long days. And do you need anything else for your bedroom to help you keep it tidier.

Why do you want to mollycoddle an adult who is your lodger like this? Would you do the same if he were female? He needs to learn how to function as an adult without someone hovering offering to skivvy. FFS.

I used to work 60-80 weeks at that age and managed to do my laundry and keep my flat to where it didn't fail the quarterly inspections a lot of private lets have and where the letting agent and LL would not hesitate to give you notice and kick you the fuck out for keeping the property like this!

And without asking me, 'Do you need anything for you to tidy your flat, luv? Some Cillit Bang? Can I get a cleaner in for you, hun? Wipe your arse whilst you treat the property so badly it get vermin and black mould in it that costs the LL money?'

Simple! get his mummy to tidy up after her basrtard son once a week!

Yeah I would tell him the rooms unacceptably dirty, needs a room inspection as previously suggested and then say that once it is upto scratch you are prepared to do weekly sheets, maybe washing and bin for extra money as long as he keeps it tidy. Work out an amount that is valuable to you. It sounds like he might be cash rich, time poor and you need the money.

What a strange arrangement
I couldn't imagine having a stranger live with me and my child. How old is DS ? Does he mind sharing his home with a stranger. I know and have known several people who do this. I’ve done it myself. It’s common, especially after a divorce or bereavement. Many people I know who own somewhere rent out a room to a lodger if they have space.

Exactly, Just, poor soul, having to work at such a tender age and be expected not to live like a rat attracting vermin, black mould and damaging the property.

Just imagine, all LL's should have to cater to their tenants like this in the real world! 'The inspection flagged up you've kept the place in deplorable condition, there are flies and vermin, mould from condensation, you've destroyed the furnishings through lack of due care, but can I clean this up for you? Do your laundry?' 'Your flatmates have complained about excessive noise in the communal areas in the early hours of the morning, you poor soul! What can we do to make it easier for you? Can I come clean the kitchen after you've trashed it?'

You don't do adults any favours at this point in the came by doing so because no private LL where they'll eventually end up is going to put up with this.

Fruit flies upstairs, your room door was left open, dogs went in, I can see there is a LOT of rubbish. Would be good if you can clear it out, as I don't want vermin. I've noticed your bedding hasn't come downstairs to be washed, would you like me to wash it for you as I understand you work long days. And do you need anything else for your bedroom to help you keep it tidier. I will also reinforce I don't care how messy his room is but I do care if its got rubbish and stuff that could rot.

Fixed that for ya:

"Your door was left open today when you went out.

While removing the dogs who got in, I noticed the room is a tip.

I also noticed the window was open.

You are to:

• Throw out all accumulated rubbish from the room surfaces and the bin.
• Throw out all current leftover food and beverages today, and going forward, do not leave leftover food or beverages in the room.
• Return all cutlery, plates, bowls, mugs and glassware to the kitchen.
• Close the window when you are not in the room.

While we enjoy having you as our lodger, we do not want to have to deal with water damage from rain that comes in through the open window, or vermin attracted by food and rubbish."

His bedding, sorry, his business.

You are behaving like a doormat.

Get rid. You’ll have a vermin issue soon and mattresses are very expensive.

And you can add that you expect the kitchen to be left as he found it, and the bathroom cleaned/wiped after each use, also that the toiletries are not communal and you expect him to buy and use his own.

Also that there is to be no noise whatsoever after 11pm. Banging doors, using the kitchen at 1am? Bloody heck.

The mess wouldn't bother me but the low standards of hygiene could have an impact. As you've mentioned, he's probably already ruined the mattress and pillows. Food debris will attract rodents and insects. Food will go mouldy and stain any surfaces it's on. Plus all the other issues you've mentioned.

If you need him to still be there because of financial reasons, I would speak to him and lay down a few house rules (though you should have done this from the beginning as he may not see why he now has to change his habits). And mention that you will give him notice if he doesn't follow them.

Yanbu

It’s health and safety!

My DP suggested we keep out of my step daughters room for the same reason. Ended up with moths all over the house and had to air the bedroom for 8 months after she left before we could use it again.

I’d sit down and have a chat and say if he doesn’t like it we can politely give notice, give him more than necesasary to be kind.

Tell him you’ve recently noticed a bit of a smell and see if that shames him into doing some washing. Or else put up the cost of his rent to cover a cleaner and insist they have access to his room?

I would clean the room and leave a note and say I want the room cleaning weekly or they can move out.

I can't believe you didn't put a mattress protector on. I'd say this is a priority!

Other than that I'm with you on this. It's grim.

During my first year at uni one of the girls in my house didn't keep her room nice. By about month 3 it stank. It was horrific.

Perfectly nice girl who showered daily but she obviously had no idea that personal hygiene extends to clean bedding, clean room and opening the window once in a while.

Say something! Your tenant has a responsibility to ensure that a basic level of cleanliness that ensures you don't get mould or mice so he's in the wrong here.

Homemade fruit fly trap you need apple cider vinegar and dishwashing soap in a clean jam jar with cling film over secured by elastic band and wee holes poked in the top. Place the vinegar in jar, you don't need loads maybe a cm at most. Then drop a few washing up liquid drops until the thinnest film forms a surface tension layer over the top of vinegar. cling film - wee holes just enough for them to get in - elastic band jobs a good ‘un !

Surely as you are owner of the house you can do inspections? Give him notice and then do a full inspection. Its expected in any rental agreement for the tenant to keep the place clean and tidy.

I once shared a flat with a girl who didn’t clean up after herself. She would leave dirty plates and half eaten food in her room. I went away for a couple of weeks as I had an op and needed to recuperate at my parents house. I arrived back to a blue bottle infestation. EVICT HIM NOW.

I think this is completely taking the piss TBH! Why on earth are you cleaning up after him? If he is polite then point out you need to have a word or 2! 1 needs to wash sheets .2 clean out room. 3 keep noise down at 1 am FFS! We have my daughters friend living with us .He is clean ,tidy and respectful (wont even put light on when going to loo if we are in bed )!Cooks and washes up!

A PP mentioned that he may not see why he needs to change his ways now, but I think, @YorkshireMummyof1 , you just need to mention that until you saw the state of his room you didn't see the need to spell it out for him, as you had a reasonable assumption that he would keep it clean, although he can have it as messy as he wants. And then advise what is required to keep it to a necessary level of cleanliness.

Nope he's revolting and I wouldn't be offering to do anything for him. Clean your shit up and follow the rules or leave.

@dontalltalkatonce
I agree, these poor soul comments 🙄
PP saying her DD being at college 8-6pm and working a Saturday is ‘exhausting’ this is where the mollycoddling come from, welcome to the real world where you work, manage a home etc

Just a thought did you make it clear you would wash the bedding but not remove it from the bed? it could be a simple misunderstanding?
Also if theres food lying around on the floor ect and has been for a while theres a good chance it will attract mice especially at this time of year.
I think you just need to talk to him, call it a lodger meet /update , say you expect all foods stuff not to be left out and bedding to be washed fortnightly speak freely but be polite and hopefully you will get some answers, if still doesn't work then give him notice.

I have had lodgers for years and years. I rarely have problems but experience has taught me

• always set expectations early and preferably on first meetIng
• be politely assertive. It is YOUR home and you have the right to feel comfortable in it. If someone shows disrespect you have to call them out.
• get rid. If you feel unhappy about someone early on, it’s unlikely to change and will probably get worse. Those sheets will probably be there in Spring. When you get rid, put it in writing or email, so that he takes you seriously and you have a record

This man sounds very very selfish

Just talk to him about it? In a polite way.. say something like 'I just wanted to make sure seeing as I saw that you got takeaway last night, that you are making sure theres no food lying about in your room as I dont want trouble with pests. Thanks' ... also it's a massive rookie error not to put mattress protectors on a bed you are renting out... and not just a mattress protector but I'd also recommend washable blankets under the bottom sheet as well as the mattress protector.. buy a load of thick blankets from a charity shop, it's important to protect ur mattress. It's also a good idea to have a cheap large rug on the floor to protect the carpet... then you wouldnt have to stress as much.

With lodgers, I always laid out all the house rules in writing and got them to agree with them in writing BEFORE they moved in. (Easy to tell them when they’re taking the piss then!)

However... even with all that set out clearly to avoid misunderstandings, I agree about things slipping and getting worse over time if you let them! I had one lodger who had seen my advert FOR A LODGER and got all the LODGER Rules in advance as normal and agreed.

I invited her into my lounge for a quick glass of wine as soon as she arrived on the first day. The family lounge is usually out of bounds for lodgers (which they know beforehand). She sat down, threw her shoes off noisily and curled up to get all cosy on the sofa as if she had been living here for years. I wasn’t impressed by her totally making herself at home immediately attitude but obviously didn’t say anything as she had just arrived and I wanted to give her a chance.... But, sure enough, a few weeks later, when I woke up and went down to the kitchen to make a cup of tea (half-awake), I couldn’t find my toaster... or my kettle. I woke up out of my half-asleep fog pretty sharpish, trying to work out what was going on, only to realise that my lodger had thought it was ok to totally rearrange everything in my kitchen because she thought “it looked better!!” 😳

When I told her that this was one of many signs that it clearly wasn’t going to work out for me and she would have to find somewhere else to live, she said “OK, but can I just say that anyone would take offence to this ‘LODGER label’!” The silly cow clearly thought she had equal FLAT SHARE rights and could do exactly what she liked in my home! (I had to explain the difference to her between a lodger and a flat-mate! Duh!!!)

😳😳😳 😩😩😩 😂😂😂

PS. I would never have anyone staying aged under 30. In my experience, your average 21 year old bloke is basically going to still act like a spoiled teenager, unless you’re very, very lucky!