to ask my Lodger to tidy his darn room or he can find somewhere else to leave!

[YorkshireMummyof1]

Now...I know that when someone rents a room, that it is their room. It's not mine, it's theirs.

However, this morning he left his door open, I've just cycled back to walk the dogs on my lunch break and well, I couldn't really avoid it, mainly because of the smell.

1. He hasn't changed the bed sheet since september
2. He has a couple of my plates upstairs, and I'm pretty sure my cutlery knives will be in there (mysteriously missing some)
3. He had a curry takeout last night and there is a pot of curry sauce spilled over on to the sheet and this berk (ie me) didn't put a mattress protector on the bed
4. The new bedding I gave him in September is still in the wrapper meaning he's never put pillowcases on the pillows etc.
5. My favourite starbucks mug is full of rubbish
6. He has never emptied the bin in his room
7. I don't know how he even walks in that room as the floor is covered in crap.

It's messy, which in itself isn't a reason to be annoyed as he can live how he wants. HOWEVER....the rubbish, the curry sauce, the food that must be floating around in that room combined with the fact that he insists on keeping the window wide open whether its freezing or raining makes me worry about mould.

What would you do?

a) leave him to it, I've got a deposit - can't see any physical damage however could be mould, and mattress was £150
b) leave a binbag on his door with a note asking for his bed linen for the wash
c) ask him to leave

I should note, that I never see him as he works 8am to 11pm.

I'm having a moan edited by MNHQ because I take care to keep my house clean and its a literal bombsite....but also, I acknowledge that when you rent a room out - its not really your room anymore

Oh god, you can't just go in and change the bedding! It will be covered in wank! There would be no way back from that.

How bad would it be if I just went in and tidyied up and changed his bed linen for him.....

What? Just fucking NO. He's a fucking adult. Tell him the dog went in and to clean up or he'll need to leave. No need for any drama. 'You can't keep the room like that, it attracts vermin and mould. That's unacceptable. You clean it up by next week or I'll need to give you notice.'

you've got someone's spoilt little darling there - read the teenagers board and see how low the bar is, this is what they turn into when brought up by some on here.

maybe one warning about being a filthy skank, then notice. Window open will clear condensation but if it lets rain in, he's too stupid to live with.

plenty more lodgers about.

I dont think it's acceptable, you could end up w bugs/mould etc. And he shouldn't be hording your cups/cutlery/food in that room.
If you think he'd be reasonable and make a few minimal changes I'd have a word. Otherwise get rid. There are definitely better lodgers out there!

If it is a “literal bomb site” then yes, get rid of him instantly

Urgh, I'd hate that. What a pig.

I'd give him a week to clean up, set out some rules for the future and if he doesn't stick to them, ask him to leave. Then for future lodgers draw up a list of rules for them to stick to!

How bad would it be if I just went in and tidyied up and changed his bed linen for him....

Don't do that!!!!! Yuk yuk yuk. He's a grown man.

YABU. you have no right to demand anything to do with his room. He’s paid you.

Yes, his rent payment will cover damage to the furniture and carpets, and pay the vermin control people when the mess starts attracting mice. Get over it!

Alternatively, tell him to get some respect for your home and his living environment and clean up - and keep it clean - or you will have to terminate the agreement.

Paying rent for a room does not mean you get to treat it exactly as you like.

He's a grown man.

Is he though?

Do NOT clean his room,
I’d tell him the quarterly room inspection is due on Monday, that should shift him.

Oh my God! You are NOT considering cleaning his room, that's fucking hillarious!!

Please don’t just do it for him. Man child’s gotta learn. Be part of the solution, not the problem

Clarify expectations, inspect results, kick him out if he doesn’t get his act together.

I would leave a note telling him there is a house meeting at the weekend and then lay down some rules.

Say you called the meeting because the smell from his room was evident with the door closed, and having seen it, you’re worried about the mess and food attracting vermin. Also tell him the reason linens are on the bed is so that bedding doesn’t have to be replaced - if he doesn’t use it then he’ll be liable to replace your mattress, duvet and pillows when he leaves.

I’d also give him some friendly advice that his work stuff needs washing at a higher temperature. This is only thing he might not know. The rest of it is common sense, even if mummy did it all for him before

@AryaStarkWolf Well that one is right out of my vocabulary! Ty

Maaaaybe give him a chance, if he deepcleans and doesn't let it get that bad again. Tell him to hot wash his chef stuff too. He sounds like a good lodger to have in regard to the hours he keeps. But if there's no improvement, get rid.

Ps. You shouldn't say "having a Paddy".

Messy obviously is up to him, but food, spillages and smell IRS’s is just not on. I’d be speaking to him about the minimum standard you expect.

Leaving his window open is a very good thing.

Oops, cross-post.

@YorkshireMummyof1

He may be paying for the use of a room, but it's still your home, and you have the right to expect that he will keep it reasonably clean. I'd be worried about attracting insects and vermin, if it's honestly that bad.

Even if you ask him to be tidier, I'd be concerned that he was apparently happy living in those conditions. That indicates that he simply isn't bothered by the mess, and you might end up having to repeatedly remind him to do x, y, or z (and check up on him that he's actually doing it!)-- much like having a messy teenager.

You could tell him there's a problem and give him a chance to clean up and see if he can maintain it. On the other hand, you might save yourself some time and trouble by deciding immediately that it isn't working.

It comes down to whether or not he is a good lodger in other ways and if you're bothered enough to want him gone right away (knowing you'll then have to deal with all the hassle of getting him gone and finding a new lodger, if you need one right away).

My DN is a hard working almost 20 year old. He works a 50 hour week and is also at University .He has a car and a relationship and manages to fit everything into his very busy week.
However... his room at my Sister house is a pig sty .Well it would be if she let him get away with it. But he comes in from work at a late hour , grabs a bite to eat and as everyone in the house is already in bed he takes it up with him so he can start to relax before sleep while he eats and plays on his phone. Then hes up and out early the next morning several days a week. The plates and cups +cutlery are left were they fell the night before. His clothes are dumped where they lay and as he has a fresh uniform top for work they are only gathered once a week for a mad laundry session.
I could easily see that his bedclothes wouldnt be changed as that takes time and every time he gets back to his room he is bone tired and falls asleep quickly. He doesnt spend much time in his room if hes not actually asleep.
Luckily his Mum still cleans his room and changes the bed while he is so hard pushed for time. It would be a whole different story if he was idling his time loafing around.

So OP . Talk to the lad. He probably doesnt have time to see what you see. His practical method of dealing with the smell is to keep the windows open. he hasnt connected the dots yet. As its your house you need to do this with him. Dont go in all guns firing until you have a reaction from him.
Contriteness and explanations about how busy he is means you might be best to tidy the room for your own sanity.
Nonchalance and lack of a suitable response means you can give him notice .

Or leave it as it as and give him notice for February.

@Pangur2 Honestly, was totally ignorant - was something I grew up hearing. But point has been taken, understood and one is apologetic!

Okay so as it stands.... I need a lodger til the end of February because I'm paying for my car lease.

He does appear to live in squalor, but he's either out all day or stays in his room - as opposed to a lodger who might want to "hang out in the living room with me and DS. So in that specific sense he is ideal.

I'll definitely address it with him. End of Feb is 3 months away, I think this afternoon I was quite upset by it and I'm a lot calmer about it now. I needed some good Mumsnetters to do my thinking for me!

@AryaStarkWolf I appreciate you highlighting that by the way. Had no idea, totally horrified.

You will need a new bed and a good clean when he leaves so you keep his deposit.
As him to clean up as there is a small emanating from his room.

As the mum to an 8 year old, I've never had to have this sort of conversation with someone. I'm a total wimp. Better buckle up girlie and be an adult!

Better face to face? Would leaving him a note come across as arsey?

No worries! :)