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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask my Lodger to tidy his darn room or he can find somewhere else to leave!

241 replies

YorkshireMummyof1 · 04/12/2019 14:53

Now...I know that when someone rents a room, that it is their room. It's not mine, it's theirs.

However, this morning he left his door open, I've just cycled back to walk the dogs on my lunch break and well, I couldn't really avoid it, mainly because of the smell.

  1. He hasn't changed the bed sheet since september
  2. He has a couple of my plates upstairs, and I'm pretty sure my cutlery knives will be in there (mysteriously missing some)
  3. He had a curry takeout last night and there is a pot of curry sauce spilled over on to the sheet and this berk (ie me) didn't put a mattress protector on the bed
  4. The new bedding I gave him in September is still in the wrapper meaning he's never put pillowcases on the pillows etc.
  5. My favourite starbucks mug is full of rubbish
  6. He has never emptied the bin in his room
  7. I don't know how he even walks in that room as the floor is covered in crap.

It's messy, which in itself isn't a reason to be annoyed as he can live how he wants. HOWEVER....the rubbish, the curry sauce, the food that must be floating around in that room combined with the fact that he insists on keeping the window wide open whether its freezing or raining makes me worry about mould.

What would you do?

a) leave him to it, I've got a deposit - can't see any physical damage however could be mould, and mattress was £150
b) leave a binbag on his door with a note asking for his bed linen for the wash
c) ask him to leave

I should note, that I never see him as he works 8am to 11pm.

I'm having a moan edited by MNHQ because I take care to keep my house clean and its a literal bombsite....but also, I acknowledge that when you rent a room out - its not really your room anymore

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 04/12/2019 15:35

YABU. you have no right to demand anything to do with his room. He’s paid you

Nonsense. Lodgers have very few rights. She can ask him to leave right now, she doesn't have to give notice.

I think treat him like the child he clearly is: rules on washing, emptying bins, no food in the bedroom unless you want him out of your hair! Maybe tell him he has to bring down dishes etc once a day?

Bluerussian · 04/12/2019 15:35

Is he actually a lodger or is he someone who rents a room from you? There is a difference. If he just rents the room you have no right to go in there & technically he can do as he likes, it's his home.

If he is in lodgings that usually implies having his room cleaned, meals prepared etc. A different set up altogether.

From what you've said it sounds as though he is a tenant. In your place I would ask him to bring your kitchen stuff back downstairs and tell him you walked past when he'd left door open so saw and smelled the mess.

OldEvilOwl · 04/12/2019 15:35

Speak to him. Tell him he needs to sort the room or or he will have to leave

MatildaTheCat · 04/12/2019 15:37

I would actually sit him down and tell him you aren’t too happy with how things are working out and give him a list of basics that you expect from him such as being quiet during the night, keeping his room clean, changing his bedding at x intervals, emptying bins, bringing down any food related items etc.

Then say you hope he can work on this so you can give the arrangement another go because otherwise you will have to give him notice.

21 year old males can be remarkably insensitive to these matters IME.

5LeafClover · 04/12/2019 15:38

Tell him that you calculated the rent and deposit based on fair usage. He is not using the room fairly and this puts you at risk of additional cost and time further down the line as well as affecting your enjoyment of your home.

Offer him the chance to clean up his act or say that you will have to terminate the contract because it's not working out for you.

Chilver · 04/12/2019 15:39

I'd talk to him first and lay out your expectations (bedding washed once a week, dustbins emptied, crockery and cutlery washed and put back etc) and also say that you think what he does wash needs a hotter, bio wash as its making your washing machine smell.

I wouldn't be in too much of a hurry to throw him out though - a lodger you never see is pretty rare!!

otterturk · 04/12/2019 15:41

Get rid. I would.

Original poster
YorkshireMummyof1 · 04/12/2019 15:43

come-to-jesus discussion - never heard this, just googled it, love it, adopting it.

How bad would it be if I just went in and tidyied up and changed his bed linen for him.....

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 04/12/2019 15:45

I think there's a difference between mess (up to him) and squalor (of the kind that might attract vermin/flies). I'd make that clear when talking to him.
'As your door was open, I could tell from looking and I have to say the smell too that there's old crockery and cutlery and old food in your room. You need to remove it all regularly as I don't want flies and other vermin getting attracted to the room.'

billy1966 · 04/12/2019 15:46

Sounds like in a lot of ways it's convenient, particularly if he's gone 8-11.

I would sit down with him and say despite you liking him and that you are happy for him to stay, the state of his room is a deal breaker.

List what, how, and when, you want it done.

The ball is in his court.

FoxOnABox · 04/12/2019 15:46

Tell him one of your dogs went into his room and you had to go in to retrieve it as it was ignoring your calls. Tell him you hope the dog hasn't eaten anything rotten as you could end up with a visit to the vet.

Then bring up the cleaning issue.

Butterflyflower1234 · 04/12/2019 15:48

I've had lodgers in the past and whilst they do have much limited rights, you should still be careful.

I would handle things far more discreetly. If you don't see him often then he sound like a great easy cash machine lodger however you do have a right to say something about the plates etc.

I'd leave a note and explain you've noticed some plates missing and could he kindly ensure any items of communal use are returned promptly. You could mention there has been a smell and say you'd prefer no food to be left in the room.

I had both of these things in my lodgers agreement, what do you have written in yours?

You have the right to update the agreement so you could add these items in. How long has he been living with you?

museumum · 04/12/2019 15:49

Yep, I'd use the dogs - say they were attracted to his room as the door was open and you think there must be food waste and other items in there, you're worried that if the dogs are so attracted then it must be attractive to mice and insects too and you're asking him to do a full deep clean and complete linen change/wash (on hot) in the next week just in case.

OneForTheRoadThen · 04/12/2019 15:49

Actually that's not true @Cherrysoup . He has to be given reasonable notice which is usually calculated as the frequency with which he pays rent e.g weekly or monthly. Of course it's unlikely there would be much comeback if he was just chucked out but it's a pretty shitty thing to do.

Thegoodandbadlife · 04/12/2019 15:49

In any place I have rented I have had regular inspections to see the state of the flat/house. I would write him a letter to say that you will be doing a room inspection next week and will need access on x date between a certain time. In this inspection you will be assessing cleanliness of the room, checking mould and for any damage to your property in there. If the room is not up to standard on this inspection then you will get a written warning and be subject to weekly inspections till the room is at a satisfactory standard. I would also suggest getting a written contract in place which states what state he suppose to keep the room in etc.

Aridane · 04/12/2019 15:50

Do you have a written licence agreement with the lodger (sorry if it's been mentioned above)?

Stooshie8 · 04/12/2019 15:50

Anyone who feels that that manky behaviour is acceptable is not someone I would share a house with.
Just ask him to leave on some pretext - yuck no pillowcases/ no bed linen changing/ curry in his bedroom -- out

iheartchristmas92 · 04/12/2019 15:51

gross gross gross gross gross!!

i'd be embarrassed to know my 21yo brother was living in someone else's house and leaving it like that. kick him out. gross

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/12/2019 15:52

he left his door open

"Sorry, but I couldn't help noticing the state or your room and the smell..."

You definitely need to talk to him.

BringMeTea · 04/12/2019 15:52

Get rid ffs.

AryaStarkWolf · 04/12/2019 15:53

come-to-jesus discussion - never heard this, just googled it, love it, adopting it.

Maybe try googling "having a paddy" too

ColaFreezePop · 04/12/2019 15:53

When you ask him to leave and he is gone, next lodger you get in as well as house rule clean the room yourself weekly and also change the bedding. That way they won't leave squalor everywhere.

rhubarbcrumbles · 04/12/2019 15:58

I'd give him notice.

poorstudent1010 · 04/12/2019 15:58

I would give him notice to leave because long term, you living with him obviously won’t work out between you if he’s that messy, think of the long term damage that mould could cause or even having to replace more furnishings/decor in the room.

I would also ask him to bring any dishes, cutlery and glasses downstairs

willowmelangell · 04/12/2019 16:00

Don't go in and clean his room!
Leave a note saying you are inspecting his room in 10 days and expect to find it in the same clean state it was when he moved in. Henceforth room inspections will be on the 1st of the month.
Provide a mattress cover, bin liners, spray cleaner and cloths promptly.
good luck!