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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel awful I’ve broken my kids heart?!

307 replies

TotalRecall · 04/12/2019 01:32

The good old Santa debate. Blush

I love the magic of Santa. I loved it when I was a child. My kids love it. My youngest especially REALLY loves Santa. He writes letters, talks to the Elves, regales me with stories about all the times he “heard Santa filling his stocking and pretended to be asleep” 😂 I could go on..

I have no recollection of being traumatised when I found out Santa wasn’t real. My eldest wasn’t traumatised in the slightest, and even joined in on making it magical for her brother etc.

So, 10 year old came into my room this morning and flat out asked me if Santa is real, because all his friends had told him it’s your parents, blah blah. He asked me to just tell him the truth please... so I did. He’s 10, I kinda assumed he really knew deep down, and he’s at an age where I don’t really want him to be made fun of for believing.

He was GUTTED. Like honestly gutted. Was really angry at me for lying to him, asked about the 27492025 incidences over the years where he had written letters or left milk and cookies or left things for the elves to take to Santa.. etc etc Blush
He was actually devastated.

I feel awful! I don’t know any child who has had such a strong reaction to being told the truth so never really imagined that he would. I actually feel like I’ve ruined his childhood by doing the whole Santa thing in the first place!

Should I have told him the truth years ago?!
I guess on the bright side he said I don’t have to do stockings anymore...

OP posts:
DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 04/12/2019 14:45

Am I the only one who feels really, really uncomfortable about 'if you don't believe, he won't come'?

Mine were all old enough to be disbelievers when I said "If you don't believe in him he won't bring you presents. Which was true, he wouldn't. I would. 🤷🏻‍♀️

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 04/12/2019 14:45

IMO people really over think the whole thing.

Horehound · 04/12/2019 14:50

@Perisoire come on then. I've read your two or three posts on this thread. All negative and how laughable everything is blah blah.
I want to know what your Christmases were like growing up. Did you get Santa gifts?

Horehound · 04/12/2019 14:59

@Perisoire I see you wrote this in another thread: "...I’m a Muslim minority".
So do you celebrate Christmas?

Thestrangestthing · 04/12/2019 15:04

For all the "I don't want santa getting the credit" grinches, I very clearly remember when I stopped believing in santa and I can truthfully say Christmas is not the same, it's not magical when you know it's your parents bringing the presents. I still remember the excitement of santa coming.
You would have to be a bit of a narcissist to want all the credit for gifts.

Thestrangestthing · 04/12/2019 15:05

I will say though, the santa and elf cams have taken it to a whole new ridiculous level, and I really don't agree with it that.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 04/12/2019 15:08

Why do children need to believe in a fat man with a sleigh to get in the spirit of Christmas? Is it horrible to not lie and pretend he's real?

Horehound · 04/12/2019 15:16

Your sentences contradict each other queen. What are you trying to say?

BlaueLagune · 04/12/2019 15:19

Should I still do stockings then? I didn’t get stockings past teens, I thought that was normal

I got stockings right up until I left home!

kateandme · 04/12/2019 15:52

there is nothing wrong with beleiving in santa.there is nothing wrong with still crrating the magic.nor have a "white fat man coming down the chimney into our houses" for gods sake not everything needs men are creepy pervs put onto it.
some things just are.some thing are really wild or really boring but e still beleive in it.
somethings hve been going for thousands of years bringing joy so are actually proven to be a nice bloody thing.
why do we have to destroy things we either dont understand or beleive in.
in this day and age let people be bloody happy and let them leave their sacks out and milk and cookies for the man on the roof.

kateandme · 04/12/2019 15:54

BlaueLagune we all still get them now whn we come home! allthough they arent stocking they are pillowcases lol.and no longer does our parents try and make their way to the end of our beds in between the bags weve left sprawled everywhere on arrival.
our pillowcases though,are still left outside our door.and i could think of anything nicer.
(we are all over 30)

Knickersononeshead · 04/12/2019 16:00

I never told my eldest Dc that he wasn't real. I have always said that he is real for as long as you believe he is real 🤷‍♀️

Biomed · 04/12/2019 17:54

I remember an older boy telling me Santa wasn’t real and I cried and shouted at him that he wouldn’t be getting any presents this year. Went home and told mum and she told me the truth and I acted the same way BUT she then got me involved with buying presents for the family and she told me now the secret was out I was Santa too, just like all the parents and it was very special because most of my friends weren’t allowed to be Santa yet but I was! I will 100% be doing the same when DS finds out

roiseandjim · 04/12/2019 18:05

I was a lot older and was devastated. I was adamant he was real because my mum would never lie to me. I'd come downstairs and see my parents wrapping presents and believe them when they said Santa was hiding in the other room- I was 8! I totally believed them I honestly never thought my mum would lie to me and was devastated! I laugh about it now- itl pass!

YouSawThePlans · 04/12/2019 18:12

I remember being annoyed when my DM told me. I was probably about 10 or 11 and, deep down, I guess I knew it wasn't possible but I loved the 'magic' of it all. I didn't feel they had to 'tell' me. We could just have gone on with the tradition without having a conversation about it.

DS has asked and I've just put the question back to him ie what does he think? Tonight he said, everyone else in his class doesn't believe anymore so he doesn't think Santa is real but he wants to still pretend he does. And I completely related to that Grin

cabingirl · 04/12/2019 19:09

DD is 9 now but from the beginning for things like magic, fairies, santa etc when questioned is it real. I say

"Some people think [ it ] is real and some people think it's just a lovely story. You can decide what you choose to believe. I like believing in [whatever it is] "

We say the same thing about God/religion.

SunshineCake · 04/12/2019 19:17

Even without the sadness of your money difficulties @Caledoniahasmyheartforever the way your children are now mini Santa's is so moving and wonderful.

CareOfPunts · 04/12/2019 19:18

Plenty of kids are upset and get over it. Yours won’t be any differen.

CareOfPunts · 04/12/2019 19:18

Different

ultrablue · 04/12/2019 19:32

My children are 21, 18 and almost 16 and there would be a riot if they didn't still get their stockings. Yes we still wait up until they have gone to sleep before sneaking them into their rooms and putting the presents under the tree.. it's now a tradition that they want to keep.

It wasn't until this year that they've seen me wrap any presents for anyone, my son looked at the pikes and said "Mom, wherever did you hide all this stuff from us?" Lol

GlomOfNit · 04/12/2019 21:52

Ignore the soulless posters (and there are always a few) who state that they've never had any truck with Santa, that they don't lie to their children about this dodgy old man, that it's immoral - truly, they are Grinches. Grin

It's not the end of the world, OP. It feels like it to him, and there are better months to have ended it abruptly, but it is what it is. He may have said, while he was really upset, that you didn't have to do stockings any more - BUT YOU DO. You know this, right? Stockings are completely magical even when you know that Santa didn't really fill them (a bit like the placebo effect, which works even if you know it's placebo). He'll get past his anger and grief, and he'll continue to enjoy the stockings. Ignore the Grinches whose hearts are a size or two small, and give him lots of cuddles.

Creepster · 04/12/2019 21:57

On the other hand, OP, you may want to learn a lesson from your child's distress and in future ignore the people who advocate lying to children. There are always a few.

Let them know early on that you are all having fun playing pretend, just like in the story books.

bridgetreilly · 04/12/2019 22:06

Let them know early on that you are all having fun playing pretend, just like in the story books.

Exactly this. It's still fun, it's still magical, but no one feels like there's been a huge betrayal of trust from the people closest to them.

ittakes2 · 04/12/2019 22:14

When my children asked I told them Santa was real for children in the western world. And I reminded them that they had studied fables at school. It let me not lie to them and they got to choose if they wanted to continue to believe it not.

bumblingbovine49 · 04/12/2019 22:19

was met with “So Santa’s DEAD?!” confused
Sorry but this made me laugh ( in a kind way)

DS asked this question and demanded an honest answer when he was 7. I just couldn't lie as he asked so directly . He had a similar reaction to your DS. He was really upset and I felt terrible. It happened about 2 weeks before Christmas as well!.

In my defence I did try the ' well some people believe and it is a good idea to believe as you get presents '

He was having none of.it and insisted I tell him if FC was real,.so I did. I don't regret it, even though , Christmas was not the same afterwards. I really do think that if a child asks in this way, they are ready for the truth, even if it upsets them.

I am sorry op, it is quite sad but, I think you did the right thing by telling him the truth for what it is worth.