Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel awful I’ve broken my kids heart?!

307 replies

TotalRecall · 04/12/2019 01:32

The good old Santa debate. Blush

I love the magic of Santa. I loved it when I was a child. My kids love it. My youngest especially REALLY loves Santa. He writes letters, talks to the Elves, regales me with stories about all the times he “heard Santa filling his stocking and pretended to be asleep” 😂 I could go on..

I have no recollection of being traumatised when I found out Santa wasn’t real. My eldest wasn’t traumatised in the slightest, and even joined in on making it magical for her brother etc.

So, 10 year old came into my room this morning and flat out asked me if Santa is real, because all his friends had told him it’s your parents, blah blah. He asked me to just tell him the truth please... so I did. He’s 10, I kinda assumed he really knew deep down, and he’s at an age where I don’t really want him to be made fun of for believing.

He was GUTTED. Like honestly gutted. Was really angry at me for lying to him, asked about the 27492025 incidences over the years where he had written letters or left milk and cookies or left things for the elves to take to Santa.. etc etc Blush
He was actually devastated.

I feel awful! I don’t know any child who has had such a strong reaction to being told the truth so never really imagined that he would. I actually feel like I’ve ruined his childhood by doing the whole Santa thing in the first place!

Should I have told him the truth years ago?!
I guess on the bright side he said I don’t have to do stockings anymore...

OP posts:
LightTripper · 04/12/2019 10:19

Just wanted to say what an amazing story @Caledoniahasmyheartforever and I love the way you've done it for your kids!

DD is 5 and hasn't asked me directly but I've already heard one of her school friends tell her Santa isn't real (the same friend a couple of days later was very excited Santa was coming to the school Christmas party so Xmas Confused ).

I think that gradual transition from believing it as literal magic to understanding the magic of caring for your family and your community is lovely. Life often gets in the way, but that's what I'll be aiming for with our two I think....

PhilCornwall1 · 04/12/2019 10:19

There are whole generations of children who have not been damaged by the so called lie of Santa.

I agree with a PP, the word snowflake really does apply for some of these responses.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 04/12/2019 10:21

can’t see where that poster referred to not doing the whole Father Christmas thing

What do you think this means then?

To be told a lie and to now have to not believe in something he believed in.
Santa is ridiculous.
Kids shouldnt be told there is one

Because it certainly isn't "Yes, we do the whole Santa thing"

DustyLoveday · 04/12/2019 10:28

My parents never told me didn’t exist. They kept telling me did and it’s up to me if I don’t want to believe. I questioned them loads and they stuck with the story.
I’m glad they did as I always had that hope that maybe he really did exist.
I’m doing the same with my kids. They are starting to question and say I know it’s you mummy. I say well if that’s what you think you can think that but let’s hope the elves don’t hear you say you don’t believe.
You can see their little minds thinking hmmm.
I love Christmas. Keep it all magical and make believe rather than be direct.

Omashu · 04/12/2019 10:29

@Perisoire haha thank you! I’m definitely not a bore... I plan on making Christmas very magical for my daughter without encouraging the Santa myth. I’ve always loved Christmas regardless. And I have always appreciated the effort my parents put in to get us lovely presents!

I’ve always thought it’d be nice to make the house into a grotto on Christmas Eve so that when she comes down on Christmas Day she has a lovely surprise 🥰

Also, I’m not saying I will flat out tell her he’s not real... but I won’t be telling her all her presents come from someone make believe who’s watching her every move, or else she might not get what she wants... that’s just creepy and questionable parenting.

Trewser · 04/12/2019 10:32

Also, I’m not saying I will flat out tell her he’s not real... but I won’t be telling her all her presents come from someone make believe who’s watching her every move, or else she might not get what she wants... that’s just creepy and questionable parenting

Fucking hell. I might come across as a scathing old bag but I am bloody glad I didn't bother to overthink things like this when my kids were small.

Horehound · 04/12/2019 10:32

That'll be a santa grotto then..
Hmm

Iamdobby63 · 04/12/2019 10:33

When my kids were younger and gave any hint of questioning I would always cut them off and say ‘if you don’t believe he won’t come’ - they’ve never asked me outright and my dd at uni recently reminded me that she still believes. Lol

Perisoire · 04/12/2019 10:33

I love that people are blatantly ignoring all the people who said they were upset when they found out Santa wasn’t real. Doesn’t quite fit in with the obsession with ‘magic’ everyone is trying to cultivate.

Trewser · 04/12/2019 10:34

I have no idea if my kids were upset or not. They certainly didn't seem to be. Maybe they still believe in Father Christmas.

Horehound · 04/12/2019 10:35

@Oblomov19

When you think about it the 'lie' of Santa is actually quite damaging

No. No it's not

Omashu · 04/12/2019 10:35

@Horehound only just seen your second reply... it’s not that I can’t be arsed because my parents were crap as it. I just don’t want to give credit to someone who is make believe. I don’t think you need to believe in Santa to have a magical Christmas.

Also I hate him being used as a tool for good behaviour. My friend has a daughter in school who’s teacher set up a santa cam in the class room to watch them at all times and she was really frightened!! Absolutely ridiculous!

Omashu · 04/12/2019 10:36

No not a Santa grotto. I shouldn’t have used the word grotto. I just mean extra lights and tinsel 😂

snowybaubles · 04/12/2019 10:36

Should I still do stockings then? I didn’t get stockings past teens, I thought that was normal.

He is 10 though? Not a teen!

I never changed how I did anything over the years. Knowing the truth doesn't mean you stop how you do things.

Horehound · 04/12/2019 10:38

No one is ignoring anything.
I said a kid might be upset until they realise they still get the same presents anyway.

I'm not sure I've seen your story in santa persoire. Was your life ruined by it?

badassbitch · 04/12/2019 10:39

*DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn Wed 04-Dec-19 07:51:25
Stop lying to your children!

99% of the population lies to their children about all sorts of things.

badassbitch · 04/12/2019 10:40

Oops posted too quickly. I was going to say 'I dont'. Lie to my kids that is.

No im not a perfect parent by any stretch. But I don't lie to them.

Horehound · 04/12/2019 10:44

@Omashu oh no that's even worse! Can a parent be so selfish that they must have the "credit" for buying gifts? Bloody hell. Kids just do not think in that way.
When kids grow up and remember all the special Christmases and what santa got them, they know it's their parents and are grateful for making it so special.
People with your mindset only think short term!
Anyway I hope your child enjoys her "grotto" it does sound cute. Xmas Smile

Trewser · 04/12/2019 10:47

I always remember my mum making it very clear there was no santa because she 'didnt want him to get all the credit'. She was a raving narcissist, tbf.

Omashu · 04/12/2019 10:51

@Horehound well, she’s only 18 months now so you never know, her Dad might want to go along with it and get her a present from Santa! But if she did believe and asked me if he was real, I think I’d tell her the truth right away. I don’t like when it becomes a web of lies.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/12/2019 10:51

Believing in FC, the Easter bunny or the Tooth fairy really doesnt do kids any harm at all. The vast majority of kids I know have managed to work it out for themselves without ever having confirmation from their parents.

Stockings - I dont care how old you are if you wake up in my house on Xmas morning you have a stocking.
Despite my youngest being 17 they still do daft things like track Santa and put out mince pies and carrots for him and the reindeer.

snowybaubles · 04/12/2019 10:52

I have read a few threads recently about parents wanting to take all the credit. Thankfully I am happy with the magic of Christmas for my kids. I must have done something right because the other day my 16 year olds actually thanked me for all the previous Christmases, and said 'you never took any credit or got any thanks'. That right there from her was all I ever needed. The faces of my DC every Christmas morning was worth so much more than them knowing I paid for the stuff.

caperplips · 04/12/2019 11:00

I truly can't get my head around the mindset of parents who object to Santa getting the 'credit'. It baffles me!
When dd was younger and truly believed (teen now) the joy of Santa was that he generally brought at least one or two gifts that she believed we would never have allowed / bought (consoles etc)

I have never felt the need to have the credit - as the last poster said they look of joy on her face that morning was worth FAR more than any credit I could claim. Either way they will know it was you all along and will be grateful for the gifts when they look back?

Caledoniahasmyheartforever · 04/12/2019 11:03

Thank you to @PapayaCoconut, @farnworth, @Womenwotlunch, @lysianthus, @FirstTicket, @Jesuisclaude, @BelladonnaKebab, @Charley50 and @LightTripper and anyone I may have missed, your lovely comments about my post and my family have made me very emotional. Thank you for your kind words and wishing you all a wonderful Christmas.