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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel awful I’ve broken my kids heart?!

307 replies

TotalRecall · 04/12/2019 01:32

The good old Santa debate.

I love the magic of Santa. I loved it when I was a child. My kids love it. My youngest especially REALLY loves Santa. He writes letters, talks to the Elves, regales me with stories about all the times he “heard Santa filling his stocking and pretended to be asleep” 😂 I could go on..

I have no recollection of being traumatised when I found out Santa wasn’t real. My eldest wasn’t traumatised in the slightest, and even joined in on making it magical for her brother etc.

So, 10 year old came into my room this morning and flat out asked me if Santa is real, because all his friends had told him it’s your parents, blah blah. He asked me to just tell him the truth please... so I did. He’s 10, I kinda assumed he really knew deep down, and he’s at an age where I don’t really want him to be made fun of for believing.

He was GUTTED. Like honestly gutted. Was really angry at me for lying to him, asked about the 27492025 incidences over the years where he had written letters or left milk and cookies or left things for the elves to take to Santa.. etc etc
He was actually devastated.

I feel awful! I don’t know any child who has had such a strong reaction to being told the truth so never really imagined that he would. I actually feel like I’ve ruined his childhood by doing the whole Santa thing in the first place!

Should I have told him the truth years ago?!
I guess on the bright side he said I don’t have to do stockings anymore...

OP posts:

Creepster · 04/12/2019 03:52

Keep celebrating with children but please stop lying to them.

Jossina · 04/12/2019 03:56

I'm confused about these stocking/sacks. So, your Santa believing children got all their gifts in a big sack where? At the end of their beds? No parcels under the tree? I always got a stocking filled with smaller, cheaper gifts and candy, and then wrapped boxes or put together bicycle etc under the tree. Please explain your families Christmas gift giving. It's fascinating how many traditions are out there.

kateandme · 04/12/2019 04:08

we still have santa sacks.we are all passed our 30s! santa still come to usa and we have a laugh about with mum and dad and them being put a the bottom of our beds.though now its just plonked outsdie the door lol so they dont have to navigate our shit that we dump on arrival.
and we still take the sacks(pillow cases ) to open together.but these are our presents we dont put any under the tree.

just remind him that it was a lie.it was part of being a parent and making chrismtas and magic.and remind him how lovely its been how as a parent this is something you can give to the younger people in your life.especially then your own children.how he never new and hasnt it been magical throughout all these years?so hasnt it been worth it.
so this is why youve done it.to make these moemnts.an to make your child happy. and this si now he can do for people,possibly even his own kids on day.and it makes everyone happy.
but nothing has to change.you did it all anyway as he said so everything can no continue the magic hasnt gone.

Original poster

TotalRecall · 04/12/2019 04:09

Santa to us filled the sacks at the end of the bed. We call them stockings. Presents under the tree are from parents. This was how I had it growing up so continued to for my own children.

We have never done the sock type stockings.

OP posts:

BillHadersNewWife · 04/12/2019 04:10

Sacks aren't stockings. If the kids have never before seen their gifts until the morning, why would you suddenly start putting their gifts out before the big day?

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/12/2019 04:14

I told my dd last year. She was 10 and in yr6. She also disappointed, asked ten billion questions and then decided at Christmas that she was going to believe anyway. She even insisted on getting an elf on the shelf a couple of weeks after that (we had never had one because they’re not nice) and I played along with it. I have no idea what she did and didn’t believe last year but she’s still not very happy about it this year. I’m still doing stockings though and will continue for the foreseeable future.

It’s always a hard one. But if your child is asking you very directly at 10, I think it’s definitely time to tell them. I evaded the questions when she was 7. I’m getting the dreaded elf out this morning I think... we have a new puppy. Maybe the puppy will eat it.

Alicia
I say Santa and have very personal reasons for not saying FC. Everyone, where we live say Santa so it would be odd to say anything else. Have a google of what FC was and how he was celebrated here and in the U.K. We Brits now follow American tradition.

Oldfail · 04/12/2019 04:14

Up until I got married my mum still did me a stocking. Even when I moved out. I remember one year I was doing slimming world so she filled it with fresh fruit and veg from from farm shop

I cant remember when I stopped believing In a man in suit sneaking into my house but I do think there is magic at Christmas which encourages people to do that extra bit for someone else in need and hopefully for some people they will continue that kindness into the next year.

Re the sack/stocking I am a bit I always grew up finding a stocking...like a massive sock thing filled with treats/tangerines/little toys and then presents under the tree, all of which were downstairs.

I am teaching my children that I send all the gifts to Santa for storage and he brings them back along with an extra special stocking which he fills up.

mathanxiety · 04/12/2019 04:18

Santa is real!

He's a metaphor for the good in humans, the giving without receiving, an integral love for others. Maybe this could help soften the blow? Magic does exist - just in far more believable ways than a dude on a flying sleigh...
brightonroc

Agree ^^ - Santa personifies the idea of a benevolent universe.

Please don't stop doing the stockings if that has been your Christmas tradition.
We don't do stockings here apart from little ones that I hang from the mantelpiece and fill with about 8 small choc Santas, with the actual Christmas gifts under the tree. Your DS probably has a couple more years of asking for the sort of gift that requires a biggish box before he starts getting into music or games and requesting eyewateringly expensive little things like earbuds.

I agree with VenusTiger that maybe your DS has been defending Santa against the arguments of his friends, in which case - awkward...

kateandme · 04/12/2019 04:25

Jossina we have alwasy had sacks(pillow cases) at the bottom of the bed.first by santa.we always had everyone else(friends,relative etc under the tree.not from parents.)so now we hardly get anything under th tree haha now relative dont really get the older ons presents and not 31 from kids in a school class to put under there

and our parents still do our sacks when we come home.we love it.

PapayaCoconut · 04/12/2019 04:27

@Caledoniahasmyheartforever Your post made me cry it was so lovely. You and your family sound lovely and I hope you have a beautiful Christmas.

Also completely agree with the poster who said your DS has now learned that he can trust you to tell him the truth when he asks. It was going to happen soon anyway so it's better to come from you.

mathanxiety · 04/12/2019 04:33

AliciaFleas Wed 04-Dec-19 03:52:04
YABU to say Santa. Unless you are from the U.S.A.
Its Father Christmas

It's Santa in Ireland. Always has been. Sometimes Santy for short.
Also in Scotland.

Blobbyweeble · 04/12/2019 04:42

I still do stockings for my kids aged 22,26 and 27. Talking to dd yesterday she can’t remember when she found out so obviously not scarred for life! We always had small presents from Father Christmas and big ones from parents etc as it avoided asking for a pony.😀.

PhilCornwall1 · 04/12/2019 04:49

I just didn’t think I needed to do the stressful waiting around until the kids are sleep and stealthily sneaking in to fill sacks. 😳

We do! And ours are 17 and coming up 13.

We have never said anything and only once did my youngest say anything about Father Christmas being real. It was a couple of years ago and he was doubting, so I just said "you believe what you like, but I still believe". His smile was enough for me.

For a long time, Christmas wasn't great for me as I lost my grandparents in December when I was 11 and always hated them not being with us on Christmas Day. When I met my wife, it became great again and when the boys came along, it was magic.

Whilst they won't believe in Father Christmas anymore, I'm saying nothing and we'll keep doing the stockings and keeping the magic going.

Caledoniahasmyheartforever · 04/12/2019 04:53

Thank you @PapayaCoconut for your lovely post, sorry my post made you cry- you sound lovely too- wishing you and your family a wonderful Christmas, full of love and precious memories.

farnworth · 04/12/2019 05:16

@ Caledoniahasmyheartforever

I too want to comment on your beautiful and inspiring post which, to me, sums up what Christmas is hopefully all about.

On the topic of what age Christmas stockings should stop.....
My parents in their eighties get several Christmas stockings each from different Santa daughters every year! 😄 There is a lot of sneaking about in the middle of the night from us all.

TheAirbender · 04/12/2019 05:24

Errr Santa is not just American @AliciaFleas - my family are UK/Irish and he’s always been Santa (in fact Santy) to us.

Original poster

TotalRecall · 04/12/2019 05:27

I must admit, I was a little excited at the prospect of stopping the Santa Sacks. DH is the grinch and hates Christmas (he has many other good qualities, I promise) as all he sees is money pouring out every year and me stressing that we don’t have enough. He grew up in a large Catholic family with very little money so Christmas to him is Jesus and church and family. No Santa.

I wish I’d thought harder about it before starting the tradition with my own kids but it was what was done for me so I just thought it was normal. 🤷‍♀️ Some years have been pretty lean for us and I’ve gone without stuff myself to keep filling the sacks as to not have to deal with the answering of questions as to why there is sometimes a huge discrepancy in Santa’s quality of gifts.

OP posts:

Lana08 · 04/12/2019 05:28

I personally would have told him AFTER Christmas and let him have had one more year believing especially with it being so close.

Lana08 · 04/12/2019 05:32

Grew up in Ireland and it was always Santa. Live in Australia now and everyone says Santa here too.

Horehound · 04/12/2019 05:32

Once o found out, I still got all my santa sack stuff and pretty much still do and I'm 33

Longtalljosie · 04/12/2019 05:35

Oh goodness don’t change a thing about Christmas! He’s 10, how late can he possibly be falling asleep?

Horehound · 04/12/2019 05:46

@Jossina our tradition when we were little was to run downstairs, wait behind the living room door until we were allowed to open the door and when it swung open...wow.
Me and my brother had a sack each (pretty big sack) which was stuffed full of clothes, toys, chocolates. The sacks were placed on the floor and against one sofa for each of us with stuff also laid out on the sofa. It was always amazing.
My dad once put sleigh marks in the snow with no and "sooty" footprints from the fireplace.
I think I found he wasn't real when I saw a bike in the fire exit of my parents hotel and I asked whose bike it was. Mums response was "Christ sake, horehound" (sorry Jesus) and I wondered why she was angry (still very young minded even though I was probably ten or eleven) and I think I only realised why when I saw the bike on Xmas day for me from "santa".

OopsUpsideYourBed · 04/12/2019 05:49

I agree that he's probably extra upset after defending Santa to his friends.
So maybe tell him all about the real St Nicholas so he can use that to back himself up?

Womenwotlunch · 04/12/2019 05:54

@Caledoniahasmyheartforever
Love your post about the meaning of Christmas

Lysianthus · 04/12/2019 05:59

@Caledoniahasmyheartforever I had a little lump in my throat reading your post. I wish you and your family a wonderful Christmas, and thank you for sharing your story.

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