Replying to a wedding invitation - tricky

[HerculesMulligan]

We've been invited to a wedding in the spring which is about 3.5hrs from home. We know the groom well (one of my DH's oldest, closest friends) but have only met the bride once although they've been together for a few years. They are having a child-free wedding in a beautiful location but DH doesn't drive and it's not somewhere easy to reach by public transport.

We have two children - DD is a few months old and was premature. Our 5yo is autistic and has had a tough time recently because I've also been unwell. DD is healthy now and my parents have offered to babysit them both, but I'm not prepared to be so far from her, or for us both to be away from our DS overnight. Doing the drive there and back in a day wouldn't usually feel like a stretch for me but I haven't driven more than 2 hrs in any one day for almost a year, because I've been ill.

WWBU to say to them that our only options are :

(1) to decline outright; or

(2) to come for the ceremony only, with the baby in tow, acknowledging that they would be making an exception to the child-free rule for her, and head for home after it?

I don't quite know how to say that without sounding churlish - it's hard to know how it will be received as we haven't seen the groom as much as we once did and don't really know the bride although she seemed lovely when we met her. My DM thinks that as they know our (currently fairly unusual) circumstances they will understand. If it was a child-inclusive wedding we'd be there and very happily, but being away from the DC right now just isn't something I can do.

I'm not sure how best to have the discussion. None of this is made better by us RSVPing late because things have been so chaotic with us and because we kept hoping a perfect solution would appear, which it plainly hasn't.

On that note, good username OP. Hope you do indeed “get the f* back up again” soon.

"I personally don’t think it’s miserable going to a different hotel at the end of the night, unless everyone’s going to have a big sleep over in the same room he’s just going to be sleeping anyways?"

I stayed in a B&B down the road for one wedding. As it was just a room in someone's house, I had to be home by midnight so had to leave while others were still having fun.
I wouldn't pay 200 for a hotel night ever though.

@HerculesMulligan well done for fending off a lot of criticism in the post. Hope you get better and the kids are ok too x

What a terrible year you have had OP.
I’m so glad you and your DD are now ok but the impact of such trauma must be huge.

No wonder you don’t want to leave your kids overnight I wouldnt either (in fact I had nothing at all like your experience and I still wouldnt leave them because I’m a soft cake!)

I’m impressed you were even contemplating the drive with the kids in tow. Hard work.

I’m glad your DH is going but I’d bet he wishes he had you with him too. Sometimes
it’s just rubbish when it’s all too hard and complicated but kids are just that aren’t they?
Your folks sound lovely so maybe in another six months you and your DH can get away for a night together somewhere.

Hope your therapy continues to help

Your baby is young now but will be older in spring and your parents offered to babysit your 5 year old? It does sound like you don’t want to go and are a bit miffed children are not invited. Send your hubby alone.