Event outside of school 'All children must attend'

[Temponaut]

Got a letter for a Christmas event at school. 2 different days for DC in different years. Both 7pm.

1st date I'm at my sisters baby shower meal and DH doesn't drive. This means dragging 4 kids out of the house at 7pm in the cold, either walking or in a taxi, non of llthe kids want to go.
2nd date in the eve of DS1s 15th birthday and we are going out for a family meal (Can't go on the actual day due to work commitments I the family)

Headteacher is notoriously strict about this stuff. Letter simply says 'All children must attend' and in the past has driven to pupils houses to collect them! AIBU to say we aren't going?

My kids get told they 'have to attend' out of school things, they are 8 and 10. I ask them if they want to which most times is a no and then we don't go. Mum trumps headteachers. They don't get to tell my children what to do with their spare time

Tell the teacher the law states your kids must attend school regularly. It does not say they must attend Christmas activities outside school hours. If she wants them all to attend it happens during the school day. She can sod off and if she wants to turn up to collect them so be it but your children will be out. (ignore the door on first one)

Parents complain about events in the school day as they are unable to attend due to working so some concerts take place in the evening to allow working parents to be there.

Totally agree with the above. The tone of some of the posts here reminds me of the same sort of indignation when a performance is on during the day. “Do schools not know that parents work?!”

I think the head teacher in this instance is being U due to the very short notice. Perhaps that is why he/she is insisting on everyone being there, because he/she knows that it is already going to be impossible for many and wants to deter those who just can’t be bothered. They should have been more organised.

DD’s primary did this every year about a carol service. I literally never went once
There nothing they can do to make you go OP. You just need to stand your ground.

YANBU. Send an email back explaining that you have prior arrangements, and that had you had more than 2 weeks notice then it's likely your children would be likely have been able to attend. You therefore suggest that in future information in provided at the latest by half term to allow you to plan.

My immediate reaction at reading 'must attend' would be to write back, 'No, that's not going to be possible for us' at the bottom of the letter and send it straight back.

No further explanation needed.

(And I don't have an issue with events in the evening. But schools need to give loads of notice, and also accept that some children will not attend)

YANBU. I send mine to school for the set hours, once their 9-3 is done, that's their free time. I wouldn't make them attend something outside of those times unless they desperately wanted to and it was convenient for us.

A storm in a teacup. OP did your school let you know the dates at the beginning of term? I understand you have other commitments but you could have let them know you wouldn't attend and do it gracefully. Your children may not be taking part, but it always helps if the ones who put in all the time (as well as the teachers) actually get support and an audience. A bit like sport - people always appreciate people on the sideline.

For those who don’t support -insist- their children attend out of school events where possible - do you not want to see your kids perform? Don’t you care if your child’s absence causes problems for other children in the performance? Do you have the luxury of going to performances during school hours and not care about those parents who can only go in the evening?

In Scotland, it is part of our curriculum that children experience taking part in performances. Most kids do want their parents to see these performances.

Is it just me or is “it’s cold and dark and they’d have to walk” not a massively convincing excuse for not going to evening 1? Did I miss a huge drip feed about living in a Highlands village with no pavements four miles from the school?

I think the head is being very dictatorial and abrasive. She can't enforce attendance.

But I do get where the school is coming from. I work in a school where we have dozens of evening and weekend 'compulsory' events across the year for various ages (private school). I'm the Head of Performing Arts and am therefore responsible for a large percentage of the events.

But I rarely say 'compulsory' (and even when I do there's nothing I can do about it if a parent decides to not come). I tend to say things like 'if your child is unable to attend the performance please let me know as a matter of urgency so we can find alternative arrangements/seek a solution etc'

If older children miss performances and 'compulsory' rehearsals without good reason I can (and occasionally do) do things like say they are no longer in the cast or will not be considered for the next show. For the main school show I have a '3 strikes and you're out' policy for missed rehearsals (always in evenings) but there are always exceptions to a policy and it's never as clear cut as it initially sounds.

When younger children miss performances that whole year groups have been involved in prepping during the school day then it's different. It's incredibly frustrating for both me and them but I get it. Sometimes life happens, they're just too tired to do it or there's a clashing event. It can't be helped and a school can't just say you 'must' come.

Don’t excuse
Don’t explain
Don’t apologise
Don’t attend

rockofages
Murphs1 I agree with you. These are Christmas concerts which have been planned, rehearsed and are an opportunity for pupils to perform in front of parents and friends. Staff put a lot of hard work into them to give children confidence building, musical skills and for fun. Thankfully most children enjoy taking part and most parents enjoy watching. I can assure you that staff have other things to do if an evening but willingly spend time with their pupils to enable them to have these traditional Christmas celebrations.

So you send a letter out with plenty of notice and ask people to send back a slip agreeing to make a commitment to take part. It's hardly rocket science. My children's secondary school can manage it. I can manage it with my Brownie unit for events. Then you know how many children to expect and can plan accordingly.

YANBU at all. Just be polite and say you have other commitments, and given the short notice you are unable to attend.
That said, I was rather less than polite to my child's head of year who rang asking if they were attending the awards presentation (they had done very well, and I think they wanted the high achievers there). I took great pleasure in telling her that my child had hated every minute of their final two years (high school) because of the school's failure to address bullying and timetable issues, and that I fully supported their view that hell would freeze over before they set foot on school premises again!

I got this letter today too. It’s getting ignored.

Just don't go. You have no obligation, you're not being paid and you haven't signed a contract. Simply ignore.

The more someone tells me I ‘must’ do something... the more I decide that I won’t!! Who do these people think they are??
As long as you comply with the law, regarding your kids school hours, there’s nothing they can ‘make’ you do outside of hours!
Absolutely loathe people like this who think they can infiltrate your out of hours time.

If you want to do lots of voluntary unpaid hard work and give up all your lunch breaks and evenings to prepare something extracurricular and outside school hours, good for you, especially if the kids appreciate it. But that doesn't give you the right to be all indignant and martyrish just because some people aren't into it or can't make it.

Receiving a letter today is too short notice for a 3 line whip event. I would write and let the head know the children can't attend as your have family commitments and it's too short notice.

What do these batshit Heads do about kids who are carers?

A few points to clarify:

1. The HT is within their remit to transport a child in their car outside of school hours. It's not a safeguarding issue.
2. The HT will only be able to do that if the parent agrees that the child can attend the event and agrees that the HT can transport said child. I can't imagine any HT snatching kids from their homes to force choir compliance! Perhaps @Temponaut can clarify? How do you know that the HT has forced attendance in the way you claim?
3. The HT/school have most likely put "All children must attend" because it's been poorly supported/attended before when seen as optional and other children taking part have been let down.
4. Nothing will happen if you don't attend. No-one will be put in front of a firing line the next day when school starts.
5. I cannot believe some of the aggressive replies from some MNetters - knees do not need to be jerked! A simple letter/reply is all that is needed. No fucks need to be given verbally or otherwise to staff. We're all grown ups after all.

Sorry but no. I don’t get the teacher 18 hour day crap. I have no wish to see the same old kids get the good parts where my child who can sing gets looked over. I just wouldn’t respond. They aren’t the police. Thankful my school is normal and keeps activities in school hours. Yes I have to book annual leave but my evenings are precious. And I’m a school governor and wouldn’t expect this either.

We have a Carol service every year which the children are required to attend. But it's in the calendar a year in advance (I know when it is in 2020). I think you should tell the head that this is obviously a very busy time of year and they should be able to schedule these things and inform parents months ahead.