Event outside of school 'All children must attend'

[Temponaut]

Got a letter for a Christmas event at school. 2 different days for DC in different years. Both 7pm.

1st date I'm at my sisters baby shower meal and DH doesn't drive. This means dragging 4 kids out of the house at 7pm in the cold, either walking or in a taxi, non of llthe kids want to go.
2nd date in the eve of DS1s 15th birthday and we are going out for a family meal (Can't go on the actual day due to work commitments I the family)

Headteacher is notoriously strict about this stuff. Letter simply says 'All children must attend' and in the past has driven to pupils houses to collect them! AIBU to say we aren't going?

Doesn’t sound like parents have been given enough notice. You can’t be the only one to be booked up especially at this time of year.

PS Everyone can sing! I run community choirs and truly everyone can sing

This
* I used to think this and then my husband opened his mouht... he can't clap in time either...*

It is a SKILL. Yes some have more talent than others and some voices have a more pleasing tone than others but with practice ( note with practice) pretty much anyone can carry a tune and sing along with other people and sound ok in a choir

Your husband probably doesn't have a natural singing ability but the teasing he has almost certainly experienced about this since childhood every time he tries to.sing, has probably put him off trying to improve and convinced him he can't sing

I suppose it is just possible he is tone deaf but that would generally mean he can't recognise a tune either. If he can tell what song is playing on the radio he is not likely tone deaf.

Sorry for the rant which is slightly off topic but I genuinely feel.sad for people who would like to sing but are convinced they can't, when they almost certainly can with practice .

The child I care for makes paper aeroplanes out of school letters and flys them away. We don't even see them. Maybe you did not get the letter, it might have got lost .

Do write politely to explain briefly why you regret they are not able to attend. Otherwise their poor teachers will have to report you and chase for information. No one wants to add to teachers' workload.

I just would t go and say nothing in advance

What can they do?
If the attempt to ‘tell you off’ just say we were busy.
Only issue might be if they tell your kids of at school so if prime the kid for this in advance

If that’s a genuine risk then I’d contact school and say we have prior arrangements and won’t be attending- no more detail
Required

It’s batshit that they try and insist, people do have lives

To avoid being labelled a "rude" or "uncommitted" parent, I would write a note of apology explaining that on those days you have other commitments, which had been scheduled some time in advance.

I think it's a cheek demanding that all pupils attend - encouraging pupils to attend is one thing but ordering that they do is a step too far in my view.

If you were living in Russia or China I would suggest it would be in your best interests to attend. As you do not, your life outside school hours is your own. YANBU.

I tried to find something to offer in the Head's defence here, and the best I could do is think maybe she has lost her perspective somewhat? Sounds like she's been in the job for a while, is it possible that she is too immersed in her commitment?

Anyway, no she can't compel you to attend and I'd ignore it. You don't need to justify not attending and I wouldn't see it as non compliance.

Just another Head so far up his own he can't see the real world. However, I must say I smiled at the reason for not being able to attend one of the evenings - a contrived social event that is nothing more than a fad that has travelled from some other culture. Jeez what next? Will there be parties when you miss on the first month of trying? The mind boggles.

You know YANBU, nothing else needed.

I think if I was a head teacher, at the beginning of the Autumn term I would send out a letter to all parents telling them that I hoped to put together a choir for 2 Christmas evening performances and would be grateful if their child/children would take part (explaining the key benefits of doing so). I would then say that they would know the 2 dates for the performances, by the end of September, but if their child wanted to take part but already knew that they could not do certain dates in December, to let me know asap and I would try to accommodate those dates (obviously if I had too many "not available" dates, I would have to apologise for not being able to take that into consideration, and apologise saying that I was sad that unfortunately their child could not attend this year). As soon as I did know the dates, I would publish them to all the parents explaining how much I would like all who could attend (and their family's) to do so, in the spirit of a Christmas sing song, and support for both the children and teachers involved in the choir. I may even offer an incentive for the class with the most attendees, like a special party just for that class, or something like that - so the parents had "pester power"!

Sorry OP, I meant to add that YANBU, and that like some others, the very fact of being told I had to do something outside of school hours, would have made me refuse!

Ignore it. It's not mandatory.

A charming note back to school explaining that your DC are not available on either date should suffice!

Wow! Those just saying schools shouldn’t bother doing performances, do you really mean that? Because you do understand they are a lot of work for school staff, who won’t be paid to for all the extra others. They do it to give an enriching opportunity for the children, so if it’s not appreciated, they probably shouldn’t bother!
I understand if you already have a commitment, but let them know so they can sort out for other people to cover parts etc

Yep
DD school christmas play thing was last week, she didnt want to go, didnt like the religious aspect of her classes piece. I respect that.
So we just didnt go
We didnt tell the school yet they claim that its a must attend.

This coming week is presentation night, supposedly a 'must attend', they even say to the kids no uniform for school that day so their school uniform can be clean and worn to the event.
We wont be going, its well known those who win are big doners to the school or long standing local families, think generations worth. Parents are informed if their kid is getting anything so they can have extended family attend so we already know dd wont get anything. First 2 years we went, both years they as good as read the same list of names.
Plus we will be stuck in a small, stuffy performance center on what will probably be a hot day being summer here with no air con. Screw that

But in saying all that i think that she shouldnt get locked in and forgotten in a room and they should fix broken door handles, the school seem to think me and dp overreacting.
So their must attend crap can go bite me until they listen on the basics like oh i dunno SAFETY and remembering ALL students, i mean there only 15 tops in her class, not hard to forget youd think.....

PS Everyone can sing! I run community choirs and truly everyone can sing

Ahh no, ask me to sing and suddenly i become mute

Is it just me or is “it’s cold and dark and they’d have to walk” not a massively convincing excuse for not going to evening 1

DD has asthma, a cold night would result in a few days of school. Whats worse?

For those who don’t support -insist- their children attend out of school events where possible - do you not want to see your kids perform? Don’t you care if your child’s absence causes problems for other children in the performance? Do you have the luxury of going to performances during school hours and not care about those parents who can only go in the evening?

No i dont want to see something she forced to be in. I only want to see stuff she is happy to be in. I wont force her for others benefits to her detriment

If they are not in the school choir or there is no actual choir as such yanbu. Head is.

But if your child is in the choir - they chose to join - then they should attend. If there's a good reason they couldn't attend I'd apologise and explain but sounds like this isn't the case and head is being pushy.

I hated when my DD was in school choir - she signed herself up for it, the swine. You were obligated to attend multiple shitty events at Xmas. So glad DS opted out when his turn came about.

But if yours haven't voluntarily put themselves forward for this choir they are not at all obligated.

The issue surely is not about the choir but the supposed obligation at short notice, and the attempt to cajole or even bully people into attending.

I do agree with others that a note saying you will not be there is appropriate, as at least you are the one acting reasonably.

As for the 'everyone can sing' comment, that is not true. Some people are tone deaf which is something they can do nothing about.

Everyone can sing! I run community choirs and truly everyone can sing

Community choirs are an outstanding example that, no, not everyone can sing.