Event outside of school 'All children must attend'

[Temponaut]

Got a letter for a Christmas event at school. 2 different days for DC in different years. Both 7pm.

1st date I'm at my sisters baby shower meal and DH doesn't drive. This means dragging 4 kids out of the house at 7pm in the cold, either walking or in a taxi, non of llthe kids want to go.
2nd date in the eve of DS1s 15th birthday and we are going out for a family meal (Can't go on the actual day due to work commitments I the family)

Headteacher is notoriously strict about this stuff. Letter simply says 'All children must attend' and in the past has driven to pupils houses to collect them! AIBU to say we aren't going?

Just tell the class teacher politely that you have prior commitments and that your DC won't be attending evening events at the school, end of.

Murphs1 I agree with you. These are Christmas concerts which have been planned, rehearsed and are an opportunity for pupils to perform in front of parents and friends. Staff put a lot of hard work into them to give children confidence building, musical skills and for fun. Thankfully most children enjoy taking part and most parents enjoy watching. I can assure you that staff have other things to do if an evening but willingly spend time with their pupils to enable them to have these traditional Christmas celebrations.

FrancisCrawford
Yes maybe you’re right, I’m not saying if it’s right or wrong but can understand their frustrations even if the head has gone about ensuring attendance in completely the wrong way!

Poor teachers. They will have put their heart and soul into this and will be giving up their evenings. If they don't do these kind of things then hundreds of parents would complain.
By all means, you can choose NOT to attend. However, politely inform them via a letter that you will be unable to make it. Thank them for providing this enriching opportunity. Parents in private schools would be falling over themselves for these type of opportunities for their kids.
(And, perhaps if you kids did activities like this, they might learn to sing? )

Nothing better than working with the kids for a special event, then doing 18 hour days for another week, only to have about 20 parents turn up because they don't feel like going out or are perfectly capable of doing it but prefer Pizza Hut/Prosecco and nibbles with their mates.

She can be as strict as she likes- between the hours of 9-4.

Rock of ages
Yes I agree most parents at our school love the Christmas concerts and performances.

Ignore. Pretend you never got the letters. They can't prove otherwise.

I agree with Murph as well.
If it was to watch the local am dram panto then skip it but if they are part of the team (or choir) then they should attend.

No wonder so many young kids have foul mouths. Learn it at home not the playground

Not sure how you got that from this thread.

Don't bother telling them, just don't turn up. By the time they realise your dc aren't there, then it will be too late for them to drive round the area collecting kids.

Besides, does their car insurance cover giving lifts to pupils outside school hours and not in an emergency???

So maybe don’t have concerts/plays etc if rehearsals take up so much time and spend the time teaching instead?
How do you imagine the children prepare the songs/performances etc, if not through teaching? Genuinely confused.

This is bonkers. If it's a school event, it's only 'compulsory' in school hours. I'm not allowed to take my children out school in term time for holidays because they are meant to be in school. That's totally fair enough. So my own family time (which I could totally argue is every bit as important) is mine to control. Teachers may well spend ages (in work) teaching the kids some songs, but I've invested my life in my children and their free time is up to me.

I'd be taking the "must attend" up with the board of governors, to be honest. The head is way out of line with this attitude.
Yes, teachers spend time training the choir, but presumably membership of the choir is voluntary.
If they're that concerned about performing to an audience then perhaps there choir could visit a care home/sheltered housing/Christmas market or something similar.
We have a choir at our primary. They go to the local old folk's home, they sing at the church when the school do an advent thing there and they also performed at a Christmas event at a shopping evening (at a local wildlife centre). The teacher running it was clear that for the big event a set amount of choristers were necessary. However, the school understand that people have their own lives to lead and parental attendance has never been mandatory.
They always get a good turnout, perhaps because people come along if their own free will rather than feeling badgered into doing things.

A letter in December? For an event in December? Are they crazy? My diary has been booked up for months. YANBU!

in the past has driven to pupils houses to collect them!

ring him tomorrow and ask him if he can collect your Dc for the event on both occasions. Ask him if you should gather your friends Dc all to your house too or is he happy going round all the houses.

Primary school Xmas performances that everyone takes part in are normally put on during the school day.

The ones in the evening are usually voluntary and not everyone participates.

I’m going to go against the grain and say I can understand them wanting everyone to attend.
The reason is many hours are spent teaching songs and rehearsing parts for plays and instruments at this time of year, and then if many children don’t attend it’s pretty pointless and wasted hours.

Well yes, but if you want people to attend you give them proper notice. And if people have prior arrangements you suck it up!

If it's a choir concert are your children actually in the choir?
If your children have committed to being in the choir then they have also committed to being at the concerts - rain or shine, emergencies excepted. Assuming adequate notice given of course!
Nothing worse than preparing a choir for a concert and half of them don't turn up on the evening for a variety of reasons. I used to run an out-of-school children's choir and had to give it up because of lack of commitment.

If it is a concert by the school choir, which your children are not in, then there is no reason for you to put yourselves out to go to it.

Depends on the exact circumstances really.

I'd not say anything and just not go. Don't forewarn her!

Is either of your two actually participating, OP?

For a private school, this would be fairly standard, though the date would have been in the diary since September. Children are often expected to attend events outside of the school day, though I’m not sure they can be forced.

I wonder if the ‘head going round rounding up non attenders’ is actually an exaggeration of a story, where parents claimed they had no transport so the head offered to collect the children? Perhaps on a school minibus or something adequately insured...

Yes the kids could perform in assemblies, but then working parents complain they can’t come to watch because it’s during the day and why can’t they do these things in the evening? Schools can’t win...

OP, clearly they can’t make your kids go, and I very much doubt the head will be driving round demanding your kids get in their car without your consent. I’d just send a note back saying that due to transport issues you can’t make X date, and you have a prior commitment on Y date. But please do let the teacher know, it is super frustrating when kids just don’t turn up with no warning.

Wow! Those just saying schools shouldn’t bother doing performances, do you really mean that? Because you do understand they are a lot of work for school staff, who won’t be paid to for all the extra others. They do it to give an enriching opportunity for the children, so if it’s not appreciated, they probably shouldn’t bother!
I understand if you already have a commitment, but let them know so they can sort out for other people to cover parts etc

Parents complain about events in the school day as they are unable to attend due to working so some concerts take place in the evening to allow working parents to be there. School staff do everything they can to please parents but for some reason some people imagine staff spend their days inventing ways of causing difficulties! Pupils make most progress when schools and families work together to support children. Whilst a few parents think nothing of disrespecting school staff in front of their children, it rarely if ever happens the other way round.

I have always loved going to school events wherever possible. I once asked DD1's History teacher (whom I knew well) if I could please reserve a pair of tickets for the school panto DD was in.

But if any head had ever dared suggest such an event should be compulsory, thereby dictating what my family should do in their spare time, that would have instantly made me decide that no, I was not going. This approach is completely counterproductive.