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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Christmas Eve 'Surprise'

246 replies

sns12 · 03/12/2019 13:10

I need some wisdom.

I live in a foreign country, and have not seem DM or DF for over a year.

DH thought it'd be a nice idea to book a 'surprise' Christmas trip to see my parents. The only flights which were affordable/fitted around work arrive in the UK at 4pm on the 24th. It'll take an additional 3 hours to navigate public transport to my parents house.

So here is my dilemma - the surprise element is nice, but my mum thinks it will just be her and my dad, so won't be prepared with food provisions or organisation. I couldn't care less what I eat on the 25th, but am worried the surprise will backfire and lead to stress.

So my question is: AIBU just to turn-up on the 24th without telling them to make this a Christmas surprise? Or do you think it's better to be more cautious and tell them before?

Opinions appreciated.

OP posts:
C305 · 04/12/2019 17:43

It'll still be a nice Christmas surprise if you tell them about it before hand (ASAP!) ☺️

Jaxhog · 04/12/2019 17:43

Tell them. They'll be thrilled now. You can get the surprise factor now when you tell them. Then they get to look forward to it all of December as well. I agree the surprise is more for your enjoyment than theirs

This.

goose1964 · 04/12/2019 17:46

We had something with DS2, told me he was going to a friend's house for Christmas,but DH knew.We always have too much food and drink so another couple(or dozen) wouldn't be a a problem.Do you have another relative who could keep your secret?

user1472151176 · 04/12/2019 17:47

Personally if it were my parents I'd give them a heads up because I know it would stress my mum. I wouldn't with my in laws though. That sort of thing wouldn't stress them.

Crazyladee · 04/12/2019 17:53

I did this. I lived at the other side of the world and planned a surprise trip back to the UK.

I told my dad though just to make sure that they werent planning a trip away. He had strict instructions not to tell my DM.

The look on her face when she saw me and the DC enter the room was priceless.. And the moment, although about ten years ago now, is something she still talks about.

Could you tell just your DF?

Toomuchtrouble4me · 04/12/2019 17:54

Tell them on the 20th

Crazyladee · 04/12/2019 17:55

Sorry just read you have told them!

Ninkanink · 04/12/2019 17:55

Xmas Smile Xmas Smile

I feel all warm and squishy inside now!

They’ll get lots of joy in anticipation of your visit.

CheeryB · 04/12/2019 17:56

If I was your mum I'd want to know. There's a lot of pleasure in anticipation. I love having things to look forward to.

CheeryB · 04/12/2019 17:56

X posted

HolyheadBound · 04/12/2019 17:57

DH has surprised his mum before and it went down well, but she is a different personality and not so phased by things. I think it's more of a thing where he is from (we both live in a country different to our birth now), so he assumed the surprise route would work.

Well done OP, I think you made the right decision and the context above confirms it. My DPs would love a surprise like that and there's never a shortage of food or booze in their house. DMIL lives on her own, and has done for a long time and is a planner. A serious planner. She would have said she would have loved it, but honestly, it would have caused her undue stress.

In your situation, I think you made the right decision and wish you all a lovely Christmas Smile.

Horehound · 04/12/2019 17:57

Just order a shoo to be delivered to then Kate on the 24th or organise a hamper

housinghelp101 · 04/12/2019 17:59

Give them notice, they might have turned the spare bedroom into a BDSM dungeon 😁. I would hate my child to arrive and I hadn't prepared everything for them coming.

DelphiniumBlue · 04/12/2019 18:02

Are you sure they'll be there?
If I wasn't expecting visitors for Christmas, I'd probably make arrangements to go out/away.

Horehound · 04/12/2019 18:02

Oh I see you told them

ferntwist · 04/12/2019 18:05

I really think your instinct is right. Tell them now and they can enjoy the surprise straight away and then enjoy the expectation, without being caught out.

ferntwist · 04/12/2019 18:06

Oops seen update. Good call OP

saraclara · 04/12/2019 18:08

I always think that people who do this surprise thing are quite arrogant in assuming the people they're surprising have no life outside them!

If I was spending Christmas without my kids, I'd be having something else planned, not sitting moping at home!

TargaryenBean · 04/12/2019 18:09

I think you should tell them, it would be nice know and look forward to it, have food in, beds ready etc. I would hate a surprise like this on Christmas eve!

leli · 04/12/2019 18:16

As a mum of children in their 30s I’d be overjoyed to see my children at any time. And how considerate of your OH.

But then I’d be overjoyed to have a bit of notice too and that’s what I’d opt for. Couple of days ahead - announce - enough time to organise food and change beds but soon enough to keep the surprise and excitement.

Hope you all have a lovely time.

Arthritica · 04/12/2019 18:20

I'm delighted you told them! What a wonderful thing for them to look forward to, and time to get food in and all those little things that smooth the celebrations along. Have a brilliant Christmas.

EC22 · 04/12/2019 18:29

Don’t tell them!
Why waste the surprise, you can surely pick up something en route? Order some food to order or similar.

EC22 · 04/12/2019 18:30

Late to the party!
😂

Sweetdreamer93 · 04/12/2019 18:34

Sorry OP but my warped mind just imagined you walking in when they are hosting their swingers night. GrinGrin

chocatoo · 04/12/2019 18:37

Tell them as half the joy will be the looking forward bit!

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